hi anyone can help me or suggest an opinion please?

Question

i am going to get married in 1 and a half years time. (in 2009). the problem is my boyfriend. he is a really fan of cars. he likes cars and he spend a fortune on his car. when we proposed, everyone taught that he was going to change but he haven't changed yet. he haven't begin to save yet. i have a lot more money than he have. but he really loves me and he is a good guy. he has a good job. his mum is worried for me that in the future we couldn't cope because of his hobbies. this is very series now. i don't know how to tell him to stop spending on his car. i am going to try but i know if he stops, he is going to be very very sad. once he said that if he finds a girlfriend that begins to judge him what to buy and not, he will dump her. i know you can tell me to dump him but its not easy now after 2 years. what is your opinions about this? btw he is 22 years old and i am 21 years old

Answer 1

Uhm, why would you want to marry someone just to have them change. You marry a person as they come...full package or you don't. You can't expect someone to change just because they are getting married.

Answer 2

The two of you are still both quite young and he is not yet too old to want to have a hobby to spend his money on such as these cool cars. If he has a good job then he should be able to afford both you and his car hobby. Going into a new marriage especially, you don't want to get off on the wrong foot with this relationship by setting limits for him to follow. That sort of thing can really do damage to even an older and more seasoned relationship. Do you love him for who he is and is he the type of man you want to spend your life with? Then what is the harm in letting him have this or any other hobby as long as he includes you as well? I'm sure he will realize that at some time in the near future, he will need to concentrate on the relationship more than the cars. Let him be the one to make the decision without your interference lest you start making him feel he has a new manager instead of a new wife. I am sure you both will be a lot happier having done it that way. Best wishes and stop worrying so much=) It will be all right. You will see!

Answer 3

Well I wouldn't say dump him, but I would say before you get married you should always sit down and talk about serious issues because if you know its a potential problem and you don't say anything, it could become a big problem in the marriage. First of all, as a young couple which I am as well you need to sit down and discuss finances and budgeting because it can be a big reason for divorces now a days. Everyone has a hobbie and his is cars. My husband is the same and it's ok if its done responsibly and in moderation. Some way or another he needs to understand that the bills come before hooking up his car. I'm sure thats pretty obvious to him. Every couple has either one person handling the bills or sometimes both which is good. If you feel that you are going to be handling the finances, you need to be straight foward and say I need to know where the money is going because then you're going to be thrown off when there is no cash to pay the electric bill. You let him know when there is extra cash and its ok for him to customize his car. It's all about communication and responsibilty. My husband is the same way and was but marriage has changed him because he does worry about the bills and his credit. So with all that said, at 22 it does take some experience to realize but it will happen.

Answer 4

Unfortunately your boyfriend has a very expensive hobby! That is not going to change. If you expect to share a home and financial responsibilities, he has to get it under control. He may not like it but part of getting married is growing up and being responsible. Try to compromise, decide on a monthly amount he can spend on the car, but you get the same amount to spend on something for you.

Answer 5

It wont be easy, but I would dump him. He has already stated very plainly that his hobby is more important than a relationship. The writing is on the wall. Open your eyes and read it. Youre young. Dump him. Leave him with his precious cars and move onto a man with different priorities. :)

Answer 6

You have no right to tell him to stop spending his money on his cars. If you can't live with his spending then you need to put a stop to this engagement (two years is nothing in the scope of ones life) Since he is not curtailing his spending it is proof where his real love is. You want to spend the rest of your life playing second fiddle to his hobby?

Answer 7

Find someone else because he hasn't grown up and the possibility is there that he may never grow up. If you marry him you will know that all of your money will be spent on him and his toys and you will have nothing. This is a pretty self-centered attitude that he has and it is not the cars, but his attitude that you will not handle. This attitude carries forth into other things as well.

Answer 8

It would be best to talk to him now about easing up on the car spending then later when you are married and he uses money you guys need for bills, food, ect. and try to talk to him about it then. You might end up with a bad marriage that probably will head for the road of divorce. You don't want that. You guys need to talk now.

Answer 9

Most men dont grow up til their 30.givingup man hobbies are like giving up a piece of theirselves. I still dont get it, Ive been married for 24 yrs. They need to be allowed to have these things. but at the cost of losing someone they love so dearly? aslo thats their choice. they have to make that choice.you cant make that choice for him, but you can tell him how you feel and what you are concerned about. maybe a budget for his hobbies would help? still ,HE MUST MAKE THAT CHOICE. Great Luck to you!! PS you might not get too far, TELLING him what to do. Remember you are starting a partnership, SO LETTING HIM KNOW YOUR CONCERNS ARE VALID

Answer 10

lady, don't think to hard. 1 and half years is quite long. but you should think twice before you're getting married with him. man always adore his car more than his girl. more over, it's related with your wallet. having a good guy is not enough babe. besides hat your still young. 22 it's time to have fun....