My husband and I have been married for a little over two years, and we have a daughter who just turned one. Right before I found out I was pregnant, I found a bunch of stuff on our computer that was absolutely disgusting. When I confronted him, he lied right to my face. I have since found it a few more times, each time...lies lies lies. I know he just doesn't want to deal with the repurcussions of his actions, but what do I do? I hate to have my daughter grow up without her father if she doesn't have to, but this is major stuff. I don't trust him, and I have been in denial ever since. I took away our internet (telling him we couldn't afford it) just so I could remain in denial, but it's always in the back of my head. Help!
2007-09-26 04:13:20 · 9 answers · asked by jrdn00 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The situation I am referring to is pornographic in nature, however, I can't divulge any further details about it.
2007-09-26 04:27:31 · update #1
By denying the fact that your husband is a liar you don't make things better. Talk to him about how you feel. If nothing comes out your husband can visit a psychologist. Try to deal with this problem together and let him know that he can trust you and that you'll help him.
Good luck!
2007-09-26 04:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 3 major components to a Relationship
1. Trust
2. Respect
3. Communication
If you don't have those then why be with this person. It sounds as if he is either watching porn on the internet or talking with other women over the computer. I had this same issue with my ex husband. If you can't get him to communicate with you of why he is doing it then there is an underlying issue and you need to let him know that it is a deal breaker for you.
This could escalate and get much worse. You have a Daughter to think about what if he was to do something to her.
Think about it!
2007-09-26 11:32:56 · answer #2 · answered by harleychickfatboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question and situation is complex. This goes deeper then his lying. It appears that there is a difference in what you find disguisting and your husband's view.
I would recommend that you go to counselling to resolve this issue as there is now the lack of trust between you. You have also now lied to protect your values thus doing what you are stating you dislike about him.
Rather then confronting him about his behaviour and thus prompting the inner child to come out and deny it, speak to how this makes you feel that he participated in this activity. I am amazed at how many people and at times myself, know that the person has done something but ask them if they did as if we feel that maybe there is another answer.
Please consider counselling to come to an understanding and an opportunity to rebuild trust in both of you. It may not save your marriage but you have a child that deserves both parents within her life whether together or not.
vic
2007-09-26 11:21:38 · answer #3 · answered by victoriarouge 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
....you could try and trap him (but expect a fight).. something like leaving it up on the computer and forcing him to explain it.
... you could call the police (if it's something like kiddie porn or something) and get him thrown in jail
... you could seek counseling for both of you
... you can continue to deny it
.... or you can leave.
I really can't think of any other options and I don't know enough about you or the situation to give sound advice.
2007-09-26 11:22:43 · answer #4 · answered by pip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
idk what you found but if its disturbing you so much you need to comfront him about it and tell him the same thing that you have just written here leaving none of your feelings out, if he has a problem then he needs to get help and having a family to support him and letting him know that there are consequencs to his action may help him to press forward and want to change
2007-09-26 11:22:28 · answer #5 · answered by Shawanna W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you know someone did so meting you don't approve of, don't force them to lie. It's counter-productive.
Instead, tell him " I love you, and we have an issue we need to discuss."
2007-09-26 11:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by Handy man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask him what his fantasies are and if you can, try fulfilling them. Those you can't, explain it to him why you can't. It seems like he's not getting enough of it.
2007-09-26 11:22:44 · answer #7 · answered by Senel A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this *stuff* is an addiction what you need to do (and this may make him angry is put parental controls on your computer
2007-09-26 11:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by Cody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont do ant thing .time will make him realize
2007-09-26 11:23:29 · answer #9 · answered by The TRUTH 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋