My husband says that he does not trust me, Should i stay with him or leave?

Question

My husband and I have been fighting alot lately, mostly because i want to get out and do things and he doesn't want me to. I just had a baby 6 weeks ago and i have a 2 year old also. He seems to think that my life and everything that i do should revolve around them. He would not let me go out with a friend and just recently my sister ask me to go out with her and got all and started treating my like crap. He later told me the reason was that he did not trust me fully, because i had told him that i wondered what it was like to be intimate with someone else, because i was a virgin when him and i got together. he thinks that someday i will wonder to much and want to find out and will cheat on him. Now i don't know what to do because i don't want to be with someone that does not trust me. Can you please give me some insight on this.

I think everyone is talking this the wrong way. I don't want to go out drinking or clubbing, but it would be nice to hang ou with my friends bymyself sometimes. He does his own thing every week on sundays, he is gone all day and i am left alone with the kids with nowhere to go. he seems to think that me going to the store to get grocery bymyself is more than enough alone time, but i don't really think that it should count. I don't think about other people that i meet in an intimate way. I just sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. He knows what it is like because he had been wiht other people before me. I don't want to cheat on him and have told him several times that if I felt like i need to then I would tell him because that meant there was something drastically wrong with our relationship. I love him more than anything and he treats me fine other than this one issue, that he kept from me for months.

Answer 1

I think he is being rather controlling and you should leave him and take your kids with you and tell him to jump in a lake and he can go and control someone else . Get a divorce if he does not trust you what is the point in staying with him ? good luck .

Answer 2

If you love him you will stay. Why would you wonder what it was like to be with someone else if you really loved your husband? What you told him didn't help things, but I also think your spouse senses your restlessness and distrusts you. He feels that you should want to be a mother and nurturer instead of wanting to go out with friends and run around. Not that you shouldn't go out with friends, but just reading between the lines of your post, I would venture to guess that when you go out with friends it isn't completely innocent. Everyone should have their own time and do things they enjoy with friends and family outside of their spouses, but you have already told him you are thinking of others intimately, so you have damaged the trust by your comments and probably by actions as well.
I think you need to set down and look at your life. You are married. You have 2 children, one 2 and the other 6 weeks old. I don't know how old you are, but I would guess late teens or early twenties. If you love this man and your kids, I would suggest counseling before you do something you regret. You are already asking if you should stay, just because he doesn't trust you completely. If you really wanted to make this work and had your family's best interest at heart you would be asking "what can I do to earn back my husband's trust?".
Only you can make this decision. Either you go or you stay, but keep in mind that the grass is always greener on the other side, so when you get over there and look back....... Good luck.

Answer 3

Do not care about that he trusts you or not. That is his mental problem if he suspect all the time. In fact he should have enough brain to understand that if you have never been with other man than he, once you will be. This is not so big tragedy that he should make a big issue on it. But if he terrorize you when you want to go out a little then you have to think of leaving him. Of course, only if the financial conditions are given. The other point is that, a mother should not leave the family for a significant time. But you have the right of some recreation out of your home.

Answer 4

Well you know why he's acting that way, because of your comment.

Are you going out to a bar? If so, he might have reason to not trust you.

So, you need to tell him, you are a person, not an object he can demand around.
you need some free time out and if wants to go out and have a beer with a friend you two can alternate.

Just make sure you get home within a time that's reasonable, so he can't throw that in your face.

You need to show him he can trust you, tell him, You may not like that I'm going out with my sister, but I'm not going to do anything wrong, I just want to get out and have some fresh air away from the kids for awhile, I am a person too you know.

Your actions after that (going out) with determine if you 2 continue to argue over this or not. By only going out for a few hours, shows you did exactly what you said you wanted to do.
If you stay out half the night, that's something different because he might start doing the same thing to you.

Good luck ~ Give him time to see how you handle going out...and get a baby sitter once in awhile and suggest to him that you would love to go to dinner and a movie with him...

Answer 5

If you want to go out clubbing with your sister and leave a 6 week old and a 2 year old home with your husband, then yes I would be pissed if I was him too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go out, and yes he sounds like he has some issues, but a married woman with 2 babies has no business at the bars at night, if that's what you're doing.

Answer 6

If the marriage is over and it sounds love that's, then i do now not see any would desire to stay in a subject which will in basic terms make you depressing. in spite of the indisputable fact that, i could take it gradual to advance an go out attitude. First, i could touch a criminal expert and ask some questions. because of the fact of your daughter's disabilities and the reality which you have have been given spent quite a few years at abode for the duration of your marriage giving her care, you would be able to nicely be probable to be presented spousal help (and easily newborn help) to help offset the monetary burden. additionally, undergo in concepts that seeing that your husband is the known provider and at present provides you medical wellness insurance on your daughter, he will maximum probable be ordered to proceed doing so contained related to a divorce. 2d, i could touch all community social provider companies. you would be able to nicely be eligible for caregiver respite preserve your daughter. lots of those amenities are supplied via the state at no fee to you. this additionally will help ease the tension of being a semi-unmarried discern on your daughter. additionally remember which you isn't a "unmarried" discern. Married or divorced, your husband will nevertheless be her father and could probable be presented the two joint custody or, a minimal of, visitation together with her. inspite of what you settle on, I choose you the perfect.

Answer 7

What was you think to say that. I think everyone at one point feels that way, but it is something you share with a friend or sister. i definetly do not support the controlling and mistrust issues beccause i was caught there before and ruined my marriage but if you want to do the things you do and step out to get a break please explain to him that that break is needed. At one point that was all I did deal with my children. You need the adult stimulation and company as much to keep you sane. Please go out with him as well and have fun. So that he will not feel like time is not been taken away from him.

Answer 8

If you have never given him a reason to doubt you, then his mistrust is his own problem and he would be suspicious of you regardless of what you may have said about never knowing what it would be like to be with someone else.

Honestly, I don't know what possessed you to say such a thing, because it gives him an easy excuse to fall back on when you express a desire to go out without him.

Everybody needs a little "me time" and if going out with your sister or friends is what you want to do, then by all means do it. However, prepare yourself for when he wants to go out without you. It's only fair.

Answer 9

You need to tell him that his trust issues are damaging the marriage. That you cannot be held responsible for his insecurities. That's his job. You cannot be expected to stay cooped up forever never to see the light of day and they only thing you know is your house and kids. Everyone needs a break from each other once in a while. He can't lock you up.

Answer 10

well, some things you should not be honest about... such as wondering what it would be like to be intimate w/ someone else... now, he will wonder if you will want to be intimate w/ someone else... I don't blame him for not trusting you... I could not trust someone who said that to me, either... you, have got to show him you are committed, and now that will take time, because he is hurt by your comment =(... yes, everything you do should revolve around your family, and everything he does should revolve around the family, too! you have got to quit saying things like that... and that's the truth...