making small talk with people? I consider myself to be an intelligent and articulate person but for some reason I am terrible at making small talk with people unless they are family or close friends. Then, if I can't think of anything to say, I feel like an idiot and it probably shows which more than likely makes the other party uncomfortable as well. I have a job where I have to do this alot but I am lousy at it. It has gotten to the point where I feel anxiety creeping up when I know I will be alone with someoene for a few minutes while they are waiting to go in to a meeting. I am an executive assistant and good at everything I do except this. Any advice out there?
2007-09-26 03:56:08 · 15 answers · asked by Betrdz 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
you aren't alone. To curb my anxiety about it... I just forced myself to remember that communication is a two-way street... and they were just as responsible for making small talk as I was... it helped me... and once the anxiety was lessened.. it was easier to make small talk :P
2007-09-26 04:01:30 · answer #1 · answered by pip 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Making small talk is a whole lot easier than you think. First off...most people love to talk about themselves. Think about these things... where are you both? At work...a store...a club... you already have something in common by being at the same place at the same time. Talk about the place you're at. Talk about the people that you both know. And when all else fails talk about the weather. I always find the weather is a great conversation starter.
For example...this morning I was walking to work and there was a guy walking a few feet in front of me. He turned and looked at me a few times and eventually I said hi. And then he said hi back. I said "How are you today" and he said he was fine. And then he started walking with me. (Weird I know but this is a small town i wasn't too worried) I mentioned how great the weather was and then boom he just started talking and talking about things that he's got going on and why he was talking and stuff. While not everyone is this easy to get to know...just a simple statment like "wow nice day for a walk huh!" turned into a 5 minute conversation.
2007-09-26 11:10:19 · answer #2 · answered by soulaira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your intelligent! So you know the answer! Small talk is just that - small talk. You listen to the radio, hear news bits, read headlines. Use what you already know.
Most people have an opinion on safe topics (i.e. no relgion, no politics) : sports, Popular TV, traffic, vacations, lucrative internet buisnesses.
Examples:
Sports : Easily 7 in 10 guys are into FantasyFootball currently. Keeping tabs on ONE or TWO weekend happenings is a gold mine.
Popular TV: This time of year all the popular TV shows are spinning back up. You don't have to watch them, just read headlines on what happened (EW, yahoo entertainment)
Traffic. May or may not apply to you. I live in the DC area. EVERYONE hates traffic.
Vacations: Notice a tan on someone? Comment on it. Summer vacations just ended. Everyone likes to brag.
Lucrative internet buisnesses: Whats this? Keep up with the news! Youtube! A group of guys maxxed out their credit cards and scored it big. Myspace : a 17 year old girl socred MILLIONS setting up a website to help others pimp out their pages.
A key to small talk is having alot of little bits. Find your self a talk show in the morning and listen to it on the way in. Morning talk shows are geared at covering lots of topics in no time. Bookmark a few sites and browse them real quick in the morning.
And most of all, feel confident. Why shouldn't you? You managed to not die in your sleep, not slip in the shower, not fall down any stairs, avoid vehicle accidents, and still look nice and sharp for work!
2007-09-26 12:14:51 · answer #3 · answered by Physics4Rich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are some good books about this skill. "How to talk to anyone" is one example, I noticed several others when I was looking. The advice I found most useful is to notice something about the person that is relatively innocuous and ask about it, and then let the conversation flow from there. People enjoy being asked about themselves if its something they can just answer off the top of their head. An example is a woman wearing a bracelet. "Hey, I like your bracelet! Where did you get it?" If its a gift, you end up with a topic about the gift giver. If she bought it on vacation, her vacation is a topic. Local store, her shopping style and other places she likes. etc.
So don't think this is something you have to be born with. You can develop this skill and it will come as second nature when you get it going.
Good luck!
2007-09-26 13:41:11 · answer #4 · answered by John M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use to have a this problem but no longer do. I think it's one of those things that can be refined and tuned over time, kind of like maturity or being selfless toward others. Just have a list of conversation starters you can use ready so you feel less anxious when you're put on the spot. Tailor your opening questions or conversation starters to what company you work for and what type of people you see in that environment.
2007-09-26 11:02:01 · answer #5 · answered by AAA 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i were you i would ask them how thier day is going and say hey i like you shoes or something. I dont know maybe talking to a stranger just comes easier for some people, I think you should start going to partys/gatherings and start talking with a lot of people and see how they make small talk. I have a lot of friends who are not sociable and dont talk with out me starting the conversation so im used to it. hope this helps
2007-09-26 11:01:15 · answer #6 · answered by lilrose943 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The easy way to make small talk is always the same....ask small questions of the other person. People are always glad to answer, so you're into a conversation easily. Ask about their clothes, a new movie that's out, anything like that. Later, they will think you're a great conversationalist.
2007-09-26 11:10:12 · answer #7 · answered by skwonripken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sooo many people feel the same way you do, myself included.
i HATE small talk, it is so pointless. i dont see a reason to talk unless you have something of substance to say.
unfortunitly our society demands that we perfect this little trick of small talk so here are some tips:
1. think of the conversation as a tennis match. keep serving balls until your opponent hits one back. so say you ask, 'what movies have you seen lately?' if that convo doesnt go anywhere try something else like 'how 'bout them mets?' just keep throwin out topics til you get one that starts a conversation.
2. dont be afraid of saying something stupid... just talk even if its about nothing. people say stupid shti alllll the time. its better than awkward silences.
<3
2007-09-26 11:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a hard time making small talk too, but this isn't really a problem for me since I hate small talk. I guess the weather is a reliable subject for this purpose, though.
2007-09-26 11:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by Nature Boy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what we do in TEXAS talk about the weather
or you could ask thier opinion on politics or religion and just listen but don't ever give your opinion......I do that to find out what people are really like works every time hee heee
2007-09-26 11:00:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋