My husband and I split up because he drank too much, was using drugs and was abusive. He started an affair with a girl half his age. He was doing it with her in my house while I was at work. And threatened our children if they told me. I got a restraining order against him. He keeps violating it and the police won't do anything because we live in two different states. How can I stop him. He gets my number off those "search for anyone" sites.
2007-09-26 03:43:24 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just to clear things up. I have an unlisted and unpublished phone number. The restaining order is being violated and MY state won't procecute because the crime is being committed in HIS state (1800 Miles away). His state won't procecute because I can't get ther to testify. He saddled me with all kinds of debt that I am still trying to get out from under. So I can't even afford the divorce. But I'm working it out with a lawyer to take payments.
2007-09-26 04:52:04 · update #1
Make yourself unlisted.
Oh, and get a new restraining order in your state too, or his...in other words you need two of them for each state.
2007-09-26 03:46:19 · answer #1 · answered by CC 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You can have the phone company put your phone number under an alias, if making it Private doesn't help. Then when he does those searches, your number won't be under your name and it won't come up in the search.
If the police won't do anything, I don't know what else you could do. I can't believe the police in your state wont' do anything if he is physically there.
There is also a way to track phone calls. If he makes it a private call so you don't know it is him you can dial * something and it will tell the phone company who the last person that called you was, even if it is private. It won't tell you, but then you can call the police and the phone company will tell the police who it was. It would be evidence that he is violating. You would have to call the phone company to find out what the number is though (I think it's *57, but I'm not sure)and how much it cost to do it. I had to do this when I had a phone stalker. To me it was worth the money. The police took care of it after I had it tracked a few times. They guy would call me 30-40 times a day at all hours of the night, but he always blocked his number, but he can't block it from the tracking number.
2007-09-26 03:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many ways to deal with this! If you have a restraining order against him you need to take it to your DA’s office where you live and make sure he under stands what you are going through, and what is going on!! The restraining order should be good no matter where you and he live! The one thing you need to make certain of and that is your safety and your kids!! If you do not have any legal council where you are then get one for free, just go to your police station and make legal complaints, don’t mess around with this guy!! Just because you were married to him at one time does not mean he will not harm you or your kids!! Things can go very wrong, very quickly!! The phone # he is getting you can go to the site as well and remove your # from it so no one can look it up, you can do the same with your address!! The thing about the girl half his age unless she was under age then just leave it be. I am sure it does bother you but it is not part of the real problem! The real problem is his abuse and addictions that has turned things up side down in your world! Do not put yourself or the kids in harms way, that is what you need to focus on now!!
The best of luck to you and your family:):)
Rags37:):)
2007-09-26 04:08:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not ever had this type of situation, but (1) I would get rid of the home phone and switch to cell phone only - even unlisted numbers can be located in the find anyone sites but a nonlisted cell could be the answer there. If that's not an option, talk to your phone provider. Explain the situation and ask them what else can be done. Unfortunately you are not the only one in this situation, and phone companies usually have policies in place to help hide you from stalkers, abusers, and others who may want to hurt you. If you don't get a good solution to the situation at hand from your current phone provider, look into switching phone companies - it's easier than you might think.
(2) I would talk to CPS and share with them what is going on since you fear for your children - they should either be able to help or be able to suggest who can assist you. Since the restraining order is in place, you've taken the steps to secure your family, and they are still in danger, Child protective services would be a place where I would turn. That is one agency who has had more than their share of this type of fear and urgency.
I feel for your situation - Good luck!
2007-09-26 03:57:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of having a "land line" just use your cell phone. It is harder to find out cell phone numbers - and make sure you tell the provider that your number is to be unlisted and private! Continue to call the police whenever he violates the restraining order, it is their job to protect you. If he continues maybe you will need to contact one of those women's shelters that helps to kinda "erase" your history and help you start over where he'll never be able to find you. You have to go to the police department to be taken to the shelter because they are not public information and you can't just find one on your own or anything. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-09-26 03:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Change your number to an unlisted and unpublished number. That's the only way he won't get your number. Then don't give your number to anyone that doesn't need it ( like stores, etc.). Also add your name to the do not call list with the Federal Trade Commission : 1-888-382-1222 and that will help with telemarketing. If they get hold of your number, it may show up on the web somewhere. If you contact your telephone carrier and explain the situation, they probably won't charge you to change your number.
2007-09-26 03:58:33 · answer #6 · answered by serin7300 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have an unlisted number. Or use a cell phone that is unlisted.....You could also tell him you are going to start recording his phone calls make sure you record you telling him that and the rest of the conversation...Turn them over to the police if he is still not leaving you alone...
2007-09-26 04:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change your number and have it listed as private. The $3.00 a month to have this service is worth it. The sites you are referring to cannot list a private phone number. A private detective however, can find it. Your ex obviously has one on retainer. Your ex is also a fruit basket and you should avoid all contact. Police departments (different states or not) reciprocate. If the order is in force, they must take action, it's as simple as that. (Even if the calls are coming from a phone in another state, your local PD must trap and trace the incoming call and report it to the agency in the area in which your ex is calling from.)
2007-09-26 03:52:02 · answer #8 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have your number become unlisted, and make sure the scope of the restraining order includes phone calls.
If you just have a physical boundary on the Order, he can call you all day until you file for harassment.
2007-09-26 03:48:25 · answer #9 · answered by Stacey G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the police wont help you, you definitely got a serious problem there, what you have to do is make your address not public, only make it private so that way he cant find out where you are. I would definitely talk to someone of authority about this, like a lawyer or something to find out if there is a way for you to keep him far away, im sorry you have to go through this
2007-09-26 03:48:10 · answer #10 · answered by Jersey Sweetheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change your name, relocate, have an unlisted number i am not saying this is the only answer and that it will work, but it is a start in the right direction and may help a little, well it can't hurt anyway to take a little extra precaution in this case
Good luck
2007-09-26 03:47:31 · answer #11 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋