My father was given a few months to live...a few months ago...but the last few months Ive been subconsciously detatching myself from him and feel as if I'm grieving even though he is still here! What's up with this!!
2007-09-26 03:02:49 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes, you can. My grandfather was diagnosed pancreas cancer by the doctor and my family was ready for his death, because pancreas cancer is fatal. Firstly we were all upset about the fact that he was dying but we also knew we couldn't do anything to help him as it was terminal.
You may be on the same stage as we were back then.
You need to get over the fact that you feel sad and upset for the fact that your father has only a few months, so that you can give him great last memories of yourself.
2007-09-26 03:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can grieve before someone is actually gone. My aunt was Diagnosed with Breast Cancer and it was so bad teh Dr's didnt give her long. She suffered bnut she beat the odds and lived longer than they thought she would. So in a way we already had made sure to say our goodbyes and grieved for the loss even though she was still here. When she passed last Oct. it was heartbreaking but we knew now she wouldnt be suffering and she lived the way she wanted too.
Make sure you dont detach yourself too much from youtr father so you can be there to say your goodbye's and whatever else you need to say to him. Tell him you love him and be there.
2007-09-26 10:08:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The stages of death and dieing are
1anger
2denial
3bargaining
4acceptance
This goes for the family as well as the person that is about to be deceased. I guess around the acceptance phase is when the grief sets in.
It is natural. My father died of cancer when I was a little girl. I grieved so much while he was sick by the time he died I was actually relieved for him and myself. I know that sounds like a TERRIBLE thing to say but it is the truth.
God Bless!
2007-09-26 10:09:24 · answer #3 · answered by staymay 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to grieve for someone who was put on such a short life span. Your only human that is natural to do so because now that you know that it is like around the corner you start to remember the good times you shared and how much you miss them times. I hope that with detaching yourself that you wont go to far away from him emotionally because this may be the time that you two may really need to bond and that will be the only thing you will have after he is gone.
2007-09-26 10:07:31 · answer #4 · answered by Vanessa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are thinking of whats to come and that is why you are grieving in advance... completely natural. I'm sorry to hear about your father, one of the most greatest losses I believe is our parents. Crying does help, it lets you vent your emotions instead of keeping it all bottled up inside which is not good in any circumstance. Enjoy the time you have left with your dad, relive great memories with him and most of all, let him know how much he means to you. Dont let him go without letting him know! You never want to look back and regret not saying things that will mean so much to the both of you!
2007-09-26 10:08:47 · answer #5 · answered by VMG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a form of self protection. You probably cannot bear the thought of his passing and leaving you for good. However, what you are doing is not helpful. After he is gone you will feel pretty guilty for not making the most of the time you have left.
I strongly recommend that you try to make this more about him than about you. Reconnect despite your fear of pain. Believe me, after he is gone all you will have is memories. Let those be pleasant memories; memories of how you put your Dad's needs ahead of yours. How you spent time with him and made his passing easier for him. Tell him you are angry at him for leaving you. Tell him you hate him fo going. Tell him you love him so much it hurts. Cry, let it out. Then, after this big load of emotion is finally released you can begin to really enjoy what time he and you still have.
You will look back in years to come and realize that you succeeded in making what was turning into the worst time of your and your father's lives into the best time.
.
2007-09-26 10:14:27 · answer #6 · answered by Jacob W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we grieve the person who we know is going away. If your Dad is not "his old self" - it would absolutely make sense for you to grieve - because you are losing your Dad as you knew him.
If he's not changing - but you know he is going - you could very easily be detaching yourself from him. You are preparing. Nothing wrong with that.
As long as all of your actions are from a place of love - you are doing the best thing!
2007-09-26 10:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to start to prepare yourself for the way you know you're going to feel when your father dies. Your mind is defending itself, but in the meantime it might prevent you from really enjoying your last moments with him. Understand that this pre-emptive grieving isn't going to make his passing easier, but talking to him and spending time with him, getting to know him better, and understanding how he's feeling just might comfort both of you.
2007-09-26 10:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by Completely_inept 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might be detaching to protect yourself from the pain. I suppose it's alot healthier than clinging, unwilling to let him go. As long as you're cherishing the moments he's still here so that you have no regrets, I think you're subconscious is protecting you.
My brother-in-law was killed in a car accident and for months before it happened both my nieces had dreams he died in a car accident. They felt they were being prepared for his death.
2007-09-26 10:11:43 · answer #9 · answered by Babs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's something about this saying..I always hear stories that people are given a few months to live but then they end up living a few years after that. and I hope your father will be one of those that lives on. I will keep him in my prayers tonight.
2007-09-27 04:09:46 · answer #10 · answered by rf21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋