What does it mean when .....?

Question

I have had deep suspiscions that my husband was seeing/having sex with my best friend. I have had a gut feeling
for some time now. Unfortunately I don't have proof so I decided to go straight to the source and just ask my best friend.

I sent her an e-mail asking her if they had sex or were seeing each other. I told her that I just need the truth and I won't be mad at her if she did (which obviously isn't true).

I sent her the e-mail 3 days ago and she hasn't responded or called me and she never attended my baby shower which is not like her at all. Just wondering your thoughts on this.....

Help...

Just so everyone knows..YES, I did ask my husband first, he denys it and gets offended that I would even ask such a question, he even responded with, "shes not my type" whatever that means

Answer 1

I am sure she was totally offended that you have no trust in her and would even have the audacity to ask such a question. You couldn't even ask her to her face.
1. If she is cheating - instead of getting her facial expression, and immediate answer. You have sent her an email which gives her and your husband time to think of some really clever answer to throw you off.
2. If she isn't cheating I am pretty sure you just lost your best friend.
You really handled that situation wrong. I hope that your suspicions are correct. Otherwise you have lost a dear friend over your insecurities. A true friend does not send something like that in an email. You really should have thought that one through a little more.
Next time come one to answers for help in solving those kinds of issues. We would have told you to talk to her face to face.
I wouldn't respond either and I certainly wouldn't come to your baby shower. I would be too hurt and betrayed (if no affair) and to uncomfortable and ashamed (if affair). Of course I'd never sleep with any of my friends husbands.

Answer 2

Well, there's something to be said for gut feelings. However, you just insulted your friend's character if she is not having an affair with your husband. If this is the case, she's probably more than a little steamed. And hurt. You should have asked your husband, point blank and directly; expressed your concerns and put it all out on the table. It's always a gamble whether or not he will be honest though, depending on HIS character. There is a chance that things are not as they seem. Then again, like I said before, there's something to be said for gut feelings...mine has never been wrong.

Answer 3

If I received an e-mail posing that question and under the assumption she never did do this, I wouldn't dignfy that with a response. Not only that but I'd be so mortified that I was asked such a question from a supposed 'best friend' I would remove you from my life forever.

In addition...'going to the source' is your husband. Not your best friend. Obviously you haven't the nerve to ask him this because you don't want to cause a problem. Apparently friendship is a commodity that you can afford to ruin though.

Answer 4

Well at least your friend knows *you* can be trusted when you say "I won't be mad at you" - I mean, you obviously can lie when you need something, but you expect others to tell the truth at all costs. Hmmm. That's quite a self-image you've got there.

Anyway, you need proof. It's tough to have an affair without a place, some money, a phone, and a car. So check those things - his phone records, ATM & credit card records, the mileage odometer on his car, his email. If he denies you access to any of these, you should be profoundly suspicious.

But whatever you do, stop going on "gut feelings" - that could be some bad Thai food talking. I mean, intuition is sometimes right, but get proof and then you will know. Who does he call? Where and when does he take money out of an ATM? What's the mileage on his car? Where is he? Who is on his recent calls list on his cell phone? What are his card purchases?

On another note - you are suspicious of this guy screwing your friend, yet you are letting him knock you up? Geezus. What a freakin' train wreck this is. No one deserves to be cheated on but you're doing one ridiculous thing after another.

Answer 5

By her failure to not respond, I would say that she is guilty of something....or I suppose that she may be just offended that you would ask her such a question....but being that you have a gut feeling that something is going on...you probably are right...I do find it interesting...that you said "you went straight to the source and just asked her"...how come you didn't ask your husband?

Answer 6

Well you went to the wrong source. You should have went to your husband. Why are you thinking that anyways?? Thats a huge thing just to ask some one. So she is either afraid and thinking that you know something so maybe thats why she has not responded yet... Or she could be pissed and wondering why you would think that of her.... Bottom line you still dont the answer, and now you need to ask your husband whats going on...

Answer 7

You should go with your gut feeling. Most of the time its always right. You should also confront your husband about it too. And for her not going to your baby shower only shows that shes feeling guilty or scared about something. If it turns out to be true im so sorry. But you be strong. And don't trust her anymore.

Answer 8

Unfortunately in my experience, I've NEVER been wrong with my gut feelings... are there any specific events leading you to this feeling? Have you talked to your husband about it? (Obviously he'll more than likely deny it and try to make you feel guilty for even thinking these thoughts).

Personally, her silence is probably the proof you need. :( I'm sorry! Hang in there and Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, if my best friend told me she thought I was sleeping with her husband, I would be shocked and would contact her immediately to talk. To ignore such an accusation looks guilty to me. I wouldn't want to go a second with someone thinking such a disgusting thing about me.

Answer 10

That should be a face-to-face meeting. I would go to her house and ask her ASAP. Unless you think it could get really ugly. Unfortunately those "gut feelings" are usually right on, though. What a couple of jerks. And you are pregnant too? Geezz, what a situation! I wish you all the best.