Could I ask help with a poem please? I know next to nothing about poetry !?

Question

Only open yor eyes
Can you walk blindly
Down this path
And not fall.
If you reach out ,
Will you feel
Nothing at all.
If you could open your eyes ,
Would you.
Do you stumble ,
Fall and cry out.
Bury your face in the dust,
And grieve ?
Weep till the tears
Are all spent.
How long will you beat your breast
So sure
No one will hear you.
If there is a path,
You walk where others have been.
If you open your eyes
You will see
What others have seen.
You may think
You walk it alone .
This is a well worn path ,
It is not unknown.
The way
It is long .
The ruts uneven, and deep.
There is grass
On the path beside you.
So cool , so Sweet
On your face.
Open your eyes ,
They will find you
Deep in the coolness of faith.
Just open your eyes
Toward the Father,
Accept His Good Gift
of Sweet Grace.
K.L.S aka Bemo

Thanks !
Do I start each line with a capital?
Should I use a lot of question marks?
Should my sentences be written in one long line?
Am I being too brief or not brief enough ?
Oh dear . I really meant it when I said I know next to nothing !

Answer 1

It is good, what do you need help with? If you would like critique, I would suggest rearranging the line lengths might make a little easier reading, but I'm not sure it needs it. It was an easy read, and a well defined message. I would like to see more from you. I await your work when you learn a lot about poetry.

Answer 2

To your additional questions:

Do I start each line with a capital?

That's a style choice. You can either use a capital or not in free verse like this I generally don't (but that's my style choice lol).

Should I use a lot of question marks?

I generally use proper punctuation to guide the reader. So if the punctuation calls for a question mark I use it. Generally poems with too many rhetorical questions fall flat--what's too many? It varies. Just listen for that in your critiques, and as you read it out loud ask yourself if it has a sense of fulfilment or a punch at the end.

Should my sentences be written in one long line?

Longer lines tend to sound like normal speech, and shorter lines tend to have a halting chant like sense to them. It all depends. The real issue is where you decide on line breaks. Line breaks should be used to propel the reader through the poem and give a sense of layered meaning if possible. Use the line length that sets the mood you are looking for.

Am I being too brief or not brief enough ?

In this case, probably not brief enough. You seem to have something here, but it will require some paring down. Just ask yourself on rewrite what is absolutly necessary--what can I cut without sacrificing mood or content. Repetition is a device if you use it make sure it enhances the poem or tone of the narrator--if it doesn't cut it.

I hope some of that helps.

Todd

Answer 3

You have insisted three different times for the reader to "open your eyes." Hello. We get it. I can see you're trying to make a point but the point is made well before the poem is over. I felt like I was brow-beaten by the time I finished this one. Nag, nag, nag. Is this what you want your poetry to be all about? Open your eyes.

Answer 4

Dear Bemo you are an artist with beautiful heart...
So, any kind of your artwork is the whisper of your soul...
Real art not knows the rules... Imagine you are painting and let the sparkles fly... Let the Muses whisper to you...
Just go ahead and be yourself...

Answer 5

it is a good poem

and all the rest, the line lengths, the capital letters, the punctuation is all up to you.

Just remember that poems are designed to be read aloud. (trust me -- reading poems aloud brings more life to them.)
So when you are reading a poem aloud, you won't pause or stop till you get to a comma or period. So your punctuation should reflect where exactly you want those commas and periods....

** and i really did love the poem

Answer 6

Poetry is personal. It doesn't have to always fit into a format. Write however you chose and it will come out great. If you try to force yourself into a pattern or format then your words become forced and then your poem isn't enjoyable for others to read or for you to write. And please don't put your poetry online. It's a beautiful, strong poem and it would be horrible if someone decided to take it.

Answer 7

Its better to study poem formating, visit AUTHOR ASSIST COM.

Answer 8

What kind of help do you need exactly?