Our daughter is not speaking to us. I absolutely fell in love with her and we had a really good solid family. We had so much fun with soccer, having tea parties, making forts out of old sheets, I helped out at school and sometimes I would have lunch with her and her friends in the cafeteria.
We had out to eat night and we even shared coffee together at our local coffee shop when she was in her teens. We went to the Zoo at least once a week ... and oh the fun I had helping her with school projects!
Where did we go wrong? She married this guy and did not even tell us for over a year. Now she is not speaking to us???
We miss her so much ...
What should we do? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
2007-09-26 02:26:19 · 24 answers · asked by Shells 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She obviously knows you did not approve, and probably hesitated to make contact now. Or they may be having problems and she refuses to accept that you were right.
Problem is, we all have to learn life's lessons through our own mistakes. Give it time, she will be back.
2007-09-26 03:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by Robert S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mother of a 19 year old daughter I can feel what your going thru. My advise is to back off, their is not a darn thing you can do. Why she is not speaking to you is what concerns me, I mean, what happend? people just dont stop speaking to others for no reason, thier must be more to this situation, why would she just shut you down? Stop worrying about her, she is right where she wants to be. She is a grown adult woman making grown up decisions. She has a husband now and has her life, let her go. She may come back around, it all depends on her mental status. Im hoping she doesnt get pregnant with this guy, that would be the icing on the cake. But from one mom to another, move on with your life, the little girl with whom you shared so many loving memories is gone, if and when she will ever come back remains to be seen? Like I said before, its not so much about her marrying this old fart, or the fact that he,s got a litter of kids,ugh, what I cant figure out, is why she wont conect with you? What is it? Anyway,leave her alone, the more you try to contact her the further away you will drive her.
2007-09-26 02:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps she didn't tell you because she knew you would disapprove and she didn't want anything or anyone influencing her decision to marry this man. There is nothing you can do about the marriage and cutting in will only drive you further apart. You must respect her as a person and allow her to make her own mistakes (if in fact this is a mistake, in the first place.) Have faith in the way that you raised her. Communication on both parts is in order. Anyone can hang up a phone. An email can be deleted in anger before it is read. In a letter, you can carefully express your desire to maintain your relationship. An apology on your part would be appreciated. Let her know that you understand your feelings. In her own time, she will open up to you and you'll get all the details. For now, it's important to rebuild the foundation. Wait for her to receive the letter and read and reread it several times before she calls you. (Allow at least 10 days.) When she calls, don't mention any negative feelings and congratulate her on her happy news. Be a good listener. She will come around. Patience will be on your side.
2007-09-26 02:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by maggieeld 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I get the feeling that there's a huge amount you have omitted here...from the teen years to the present day! Your close relationship with your daughter would appear to have disappeared somewhere in between the teen years and her marriage, otherwise it would not have been possible for her to "hide" her marriage for so long......So the problem wouldn't appear to be ONLY as a result of the marriage.
That said, you must deal with life as it IS, not how you would like it to be. Your daughter, an adult, is a married woman. With responsibilities. And a life of her own. If you want to be part of her life, you need to make the first move.
You have two choices......you can remain apart, let the silence of separation continue and allow the gulf to widen with your daughter....OR you can pick up the phone and call her.......Perhaps that's what she's waiting for, but you won't know until you try!
2007-09-26 02:51:14 · answer #4 · answered by cautious 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, you need to accept him. If he loves her and treats her good, it shoujldn't matter. You should just be happy for her. Sometimes love happens in not the most ideal situations. I married someone my age, he had no kids, no previous marriage, and after 12 years of marriage and 2 kids, I think I could have done a lot better, and am not real happy in my marriage. If he's a decent guy, just be honored that he fell in love with your daughter. Of course she doesn't want to talk to you if you can't accept him. It must feel awful to her that someone makes her happy, and the people she loves aren't happy for her. Put it all aside and call her to apologize today. I'm assuming she's an adult, let her make her own path and stand behind her.
2007-09-26 02:37:56 · answer #5 · answered by mom of 2 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mistake or not, support her! Call her and tell her that you wish her all the best and hope she has a wonderful future. Tell them to all come over for Sunday dinner, as a family. All you can do is be there for her. And, if it is a mistake, she'll figure that out on her own, but be there with ice cream and movies and a box of tissues if thats what she needs. You didn't do anything wrong. You raised her to be an adult, she made her choice, now stand by her for it. For your daughters sake, and for any (future) grand children's sake... Don't point out what she has done, but try to open your hearts to the man, and his kids, that she fell in love with and married.
2007-09-26 02:34:23 · answer #6 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your daughter is a grown woman and can do anything that she wants. Alot of parents feel like their children can do better when they have decided to marry someone. I also went through that when my son got engaged to be married. My son has been married for 10 years now and I still wish that she was a better person for him but there really is not anything that I can do afterall it is his life and I can not do anything about it. Hopefully, your daughter will eventually come around and then things will be better for your family. If you do not accept her husband then she may not want anything to do with you. I understand how hard it is when our children marry someone that we do not approve of but sometimes that is the way that life is.
2007-09-26 02:48:00 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do your best to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. If she is avoiding you because of your disapproval of her husband, then you need to put that aside, just as long as you always let her know of how much she is loved will assure you she will turn to you in times of need. Sometimes it is tough being a parent, you make so many sacrifices for your children, they grow up and go against all you have taught them. But if she is the loving daughter you say you have enjoyed all of these years, then this is who she is and in time she will also come back to who she is and miss you. Best of luck to you!
2007-09-26 02:49:35 · answer #8 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ohhhh, I have been given this one! Been there, doing that, life is tremendous and no person has to stay with what you % different than yourselves. you're able to no longer ever base any determination on what others will think of. Do you think of you will come across a unmarried, in no way been married, no babies virgin at 36? And in case you probably did, might you extremely need her? you may in basic terms save on with your coronary heart and do what's perfect for the two one among you! I actual have been remarried to a guy for 6 years with 3 babies and that i had one. we are extremely satisfied and does no longer have performed one difficulty distinctive. perfect needs!
2016-10-20 00:50:22 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a good reason you don't like this guy? or could it be that you miss her and feel like he took your little girl from you that you had so much fun with? I understand your feelings, but if you let her live her life as an adult, maybe she would come around and you could do stuff together again. If this man is not right for her, she has to find that out for herself. If you try to butt in, she will blame you for any thing that goes wrong with her relationship even if its not your fault. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel, that you want to spend time with her.
2007-09-26 03:00:30 · answer #10 · answered by BNic 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Funny how things work out isn't it?
I had a similar relationship with my daughter too. She was the sweetest little girl, but, then, she grew up. Now I rarely get to see her or speak to her. Most people who knew us can't believe the relationship that we have now, it just doesn't make sense to anyone.
I guess that the best we can do is to be there when they need us and to remind them as often as possible that we love them no matter what. Who knows, maybe someday they'll come around. Maybe someday.
2007-09-26 02:37:09 · answer #11 · answered by Debra d 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋