We've been together 12 years... he is a good person and I care about him and consider him my best friend but I just don't love him in a romantic way anymore and I want to be with someone else. I have tried to tell him many times how I feel but he threatens to kill himself if I ever leave him. I believe he may do it as he is emotionally unstable and suffers from anxiety but refuses to see a doctor. He has no family and I feel responsible for him. Now I have met someone else I really want to be with.. but I feel trapped. Is there a way out????
2007-09-26 02:18:18 · 31 answers · asked by wild 9 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Incidently, (for those who care about such things), we only got married in court for reasons of legal and financial convenience and both agreed at the time that we weren't 'married in the eyes of God' .. we've never even worn wedding rings and i kept my own name.
2007-09-26 02:38:49 · update #1
its your life do what makes you happy-dont stay in a dead end marriage with a manipulative man
2007-09-26 02:21:24 · answer #1 · answered by BscHons 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are so wrong. You say that your husband is a good person, you care about him, and he is your "best friend". I don't believe that. If he was all these things to you, you will not want to throw away 12 years of marriage for someone new. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, girlfriend! It really gets me upset when I hear people say that they "love" their spouse but they are not "in love" with their spouse. There are so many people now a days that do not take their marriage vows seriously. They want to change partners like underwear and that's a shame. You shouldn't give up on your marriage. Work it out. Talk about it with your husband. Get counseling. Don't think that just because you change partners that you are going to be happy. Like I said before, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Who knows you may come to find out that the issues you are having have more to do with you than your husband. Don't make a decision that you will regret later. Please get help! Marriage is not a game.
2007-09-26 09:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by HOPEFUL 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What have you actually done to make the relationship better? And I don't mean threatening to leave.
Quite frankly, if you hadn't found this "someone else" you wouldn't be leaving. I find this distasteful.
By all means if you are unhappy and can't see a way out you should end a relationship. But you actually aren't so desperate that you left him before you had someone else to go to so things aren't that bad.
Reading between the lines there's nothing he can do that would please you or change your mind as you have Decided on the inevitability of your outcome. His responses to stop you may be last ditch attempts to keep you but I think he should let you go - it sounds like you have been unfaithful already or are at least planning it.
You should feel guilty for this as you haven't exhausted your current marriage (by getting out of it) before finding someone else.
2007-09-26 09:27:45 · answer #3 · answered by Paul M 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You just met someone and you want to leave the man you have known for 12 years?!
People are not disposable or replaceacle. You and your husband need to seek thearpy. Not for a reconcillation but to split up in a healthy way.
Do not go from on relationship to another. Spend some time alone. You have some issues of your own that you need to deal with.
The grass maybe greener on the other side of the fence, but it still needs to be mowed.
Get some help before you make any harsh decisions!
2007-09-26 09:40:25 · answer #4 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A gentleman will accept the fact that his wife no longer loves him. And he will eventually let her go. As for the wife, she shouldn't let the love she once felt towards her husband gone just like that. A new guy came along, doesn't mean there's a reason to leave the husband. No matter what the situation is. Maybe that's a weak excuse to reason it out.
Since you bend on leaving your hubby, do it rationally. He threatens to kill himself is an excuse to prevent you from leaving. Hopefully, no regrets in the later part of life.
2007-09-26 09:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by narnia 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sincerely all long term relationships go through this and if you go through it you will find yourself even closer to your husband and the romance with be more intense. The problem here is not your husband it's you ... do you really want to be one of those women who go from man to man? Sure it's easy to love when things are good but your true charactor at this point is sad. This is when you should be loving your husband even more ... that's love.
In fact if you do end up being a divorced woman and pursue the relationship with this guy ... you will go through the same situation as your going through with your husband.
Please seek out counseling ... talk to your pastor
2007-09-26 09:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by Shells 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not happy... leave. My ex tried that also, but in most cases it's just talk to try and make you stay. If this man you want to be with means alot to you then I say go for it. Especially if the marraige was not really out of love to start with. Life is too short to spend it unhappily. But if there is to be a next wedding... do it for the right reasons next time.
2007-09-26 09:52:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is better to just be honest with your husband and tell tell him in a civilised way that there is nothing left for you both to carry on with. Why should you continue to live day to day in a marriage that does not excite you anymore. You need sex and excitement so get out of it ASAP and I'll see you some day walking down the road and smile at you as you walk on by. What an opportunity not to be missed!
2007-09-26 18:17:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm afraid he has to accept that he is only his own responsibility. Since he became a man he has been no-one elses responsibility. I understand you feel sorry for him, but this situation is damaging for you both, especially you. He is using emotional blackmail to keep you there, it is a form of control. He has no right.
If he decides to kill himself, that is his lookout. If he dies, that was his choice, nothing to do with you. It is his mind, not yours. You have your own mind.
Leave him. He can then go his own way, whatever way that may be. And you can be happy.
Don't worry about him. He is not your child. Tell him, if you choose to die, so be it, but I'm leaving anyway.
Good luck to you.
2007-09-26 09:24:33 · answer #9 · answered by Acai 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
remember your promise when you got married? for better or for worse? you say he's a good person and you care about him and he's your bestfriend. hey, isn't that what being married is all about? i think you should work on your marriage 'cause from the looks of it, it just needs a little polishing to get it to where it once was.
2007-09-26 09:28:56 · answer #10 · answered by nuana 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Figures. I'm surprised your being honest about your affair. Of course you realize that your "new" man will tire of you too. Then the shoe will really be on the other foot(well deserved too).. I hope this happens to you soon. I like the phoney "I care" cr
2007-09-26 09:27:18
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answer #11
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answered by Anonymous
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