How do we deal with my husbands X when she continues to disrupt our lives and mentally abuse their children?

Question

I don't even know how to ask this question because it is so painful. My husbands X accused him of many things and in the war of he said she said the courts believed her. He now has supervised visits with his two small children and has been jumping through hoops for the last 2 1/2 years to try to get regular visitation. He has no police record, there was no proof of anything.
You may think that that makes him a bad guy and I would have leaned toward that too if I didn't live the situation with him. She has taught his kids 3 and 5 to kick and hit. Call his mom "Icky grandma" In front of the supervised visit lady she told them to tell him that they don't like him and don't want to come and call him "big dummy" If we ever did get regular visits I'm afraid with in a week we'd have social services at our door saying we abused them. The pain of having someone demonize you and your family to your kids is awful. Any words of advice?

Answer 1

Going through something similiar. Fathers RightsAdvocacy- for your state-google it. Parental Alienation is the term I believe. Record/video tape conversations, visits- subpeona supervisor if need be.
Unfortunately fathers still have few rights. Laws are SLOWLY changing.
My hubby lost his first (now she is 21) and regrets not hanging in there throughout the whole mess. Spent $10,000 in lawyer fees only to lose back in 95.
Now his second ex learned well from the first- (she was with him through that battle and thought his first ex was a witch, how dare she etc- now she has been doing the very same thing for the past 5 years with his 13yr old daughter.)
Parental Alienation is actually a term and accepted. Just need proof and backup. Journel each and every date, time if you cannot record. If possible bring a neutral party to witness. (like a friend of his ex that still talks to your hubby).
Whenever kids get nasty- respond back positively. Like honey- it is unacceptable the way you talk/hit me... no matter what I LOVE YOU and will always be here. type thing.They are still too young yet to understand all that is going on. Angry inside that daddy left and mom is feeding into it. All you can do is keep on keepin on.
Age of 13/14 can petition courts, decide for themselves who they want to live with, but they have to stand before the judge. His 13 yr old daughter is too fragile for that right now.

Soon we may have no choice but to refinance house to get money to fight. 13yr has been slowly but surely failing out of school. (that no kid left behind is a crock! If she failed 7th and they passed her onto 8th???!!!) She dresses like she is going to go out and stand on a street corner!
We are in process of getting past school records. Process of rallying his family, my family and his ex's mother.
NEVER give up on the kids.....He did once and now cannot find her. My hubby regrets and lives with it daily!

Answer 2

Fortunately, kids grow up. Make it a quality visit with the children by doing things with them that teaches them the difference between right and wrong and obviously activities that their mother is not doing for them. Color with them, read them a story, play pass and never, ever talk bad about their mother--no matter what. Children learn so much by observation and interaction and these children are very young and impressionable and by behaving in an adult manner, you'd make a lot bigger impression on them than anything their mother says.

In the meantime, I'd hire a good attorney and have him/her motion the court for psych evaluations on your husband, you, the children and the children's mother. There are some courts that have children services where an evaluation is done on the interaction between the children with each individual parent. Either way, a judge would have a hard time ignoring a pschycologist's evaluation and determining the what's best for the children.

Answer 3

My child's father was also physically and emotional abused, horribly, in his bio and foster homes. He has some issues because of it but he never even come close to hitting or even spanking his child and it is because he was so abused and he never wants to be like the people that hurt him. Hopefully your guy will be the same. However, I would watch his interaction with his child at first just to be safe because when people grow up in an environment like that they are more likely to abuse than someone who grew up in a loving home. That is why they call it the cycle of abuse.

Answer 4

Keep a record of everything they say, the courts have to see this didn't come from a young child's mind. This is a tough situation and I feel for you. Myself, I'd be afraid to have unsupervised visits with the way this woman is behaving.

Answer 5

What the ex is doing to the children is child abuse. If it were me, I would call Child Protective Services and have them check her out. It's not going to be easy, and at times you may regret getting them involved, but I say fight the good fight.

Answer 6

Hire a very well known and saavy family law attorney to start looking into your husband's interests, it may be recommended to slap a lawsuit on mommy dearest for slander and damage to reputation and let her know what she's up against. AND NEVER let your hubby give up on his kids. Good Luck

Answer 7

Sometimes in life its best to just let go for sanity sake.

The kids will grow up and seek out their father, and he will have his day in court with them at that time.

Answer 8

quite a sensitive matter here. the kids are very young and in the woman's custody. just pray

Answer 9

Start saving your money for the kids bail or psychologist.

Answer 10

Turn the tables on her. She needs to be deemed by what she is....a nutcase.