I am from the country in Montana. I like country music and I like to wear western cloths like wranglers and cowboy boots. I married my new wife in February of this year. She now tells me that she doesn't like country music or anything country western and won't be seen with my in my cowboy boots or wranglers because it embarrases her. This has saddened me because this is my roots and my whole family dresses like this. They do not accept my new wife as it is and this has made it only worse. How do I get my new wife to accept me as I am? It has been very hard to pretend to be someone I'm not. So far I have had to change the way I dress, the foods I eat. I even started drinking chai tea just to please her even though I prefer black coffee. Please help me.
2007-09-24 22:00:31 · 13 answers · asked by John Joe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At first when I met my new wife I dressed to impress her. I wore city type cloths like slacks and a shirt. Now I just want to just be me again.
2007-09-24 22:19:19 · update #1
Hmm, are you wealthy? Maybe she is just a gold digger. Just be up front with her and tell she married a cowboy and that's not going to change. She accepted you the way you were before, so ask why the sudden change, to try and change you?
2007-09-24 22:17:30 · answer #1 · answered by spiffymo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why did she marry you knowing you were one way, and then expect you to change who you are, because she married you? Did you hide this aspect of yourself before hand? And it is unfair of her to wait until you were married to let you know she didn't like certain aspects of your style, your choice of music.
Marriage is about compromise, certainly, but you shouldn't have to change everything you are to fit into her perception of who you should be.
If you prefer coffee, drink coffee. And let her drink the tea. You don't have to be the same, to like all the same things, to be married. You can be complimentary rather than a copy. You can be different, and still share a life together.
Talk about what is important to the both of you, and work it out from there.
2007-09-25 05:24:47 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dawg, I know it is difficult to change oneself. Don't try to, coz the pure version is always better than the adultrated one.
Talk to her and make her understand that this the way yu have always been and if forced to change, yu'd start feeling suffocated in the marriage. There are lot more things in life to concentrate on, than how yu dress and wat yu eat.
Explain this to her- If yu take a lion from the wild and let him loose in the city, the lion wud feel lost and ultimately start attacking people around. This is true with man too. If he has been something for ages (and if it is not unlawful), he better remain that way hence on too. Else fury will fly in all directions from all...
2007-09-25 05:30:24 · answer #3 · answered by 13 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
don't ever change who u are for anyone. even if u changed everything what else would she find wrong? as long as u do everything she wants it will work out, until she gets tired of being able to control every aspect of your life, and looses all respect for u. u are who u are, and if u got to change it, it may be time to confront her, or leave her. she has no respect for u, and i would bet when u confront her she will abandon u, but its better to know now that u can't count on her than later on after the children come and u have alot more invested in the marriage.
2007-09-25 05:06:55 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The problem is you should have been you from the beginning. Never change yourself when your dating or in a relationship to just impress a person, because its like living a lie. Be the same from the beginning to the end. My ex husband did that to me, he changed after we married.
2007-09-25 09:18:35 · answer #5 · answered by Wildflower 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She married the wrong guy, if you embarrass her. Surely she knew about your dress sense before you married. Now she is trying to mold you into something she prefers. Are you a man or putty? Tell her you are embarrassed by the size of her butt.
2007-09-25 05:16:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you don't need our help...you just want to confirm if you are right or not...and yes you are right...
In the name of love you can be patient and wait...annd gradually be you...but also depends how tolerant is your wife.
And if she isn't then...just start wearing what you want drink your favorite coffee...and then if she loves you..first will react bad but after a while she will accept you as you are.
2007-09-25 05:07:31 · answer #7 · answered by Aquamarine 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just keep being you... over time she will get it that marraige is about love, not about what the other person wears... good luck, don't give up on her, she will come to her senses eventually! I am lucky to have a husband who likes to dress like a cowboy... except we are too broke to guy the hat and boots... boy are they expensive! I plan to get that for him for christmas =)
2007-09-25 07:45:46 · answer #8 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to stop pretending to be someone you're not, you're only setting yourself up for failure and misery. If she doesn't like you the way that you are, she shouldn't have married her. The only way you can make her accept you for who you are is to quit caving into her and she can take it or leave it. It's her problem not yours. If you don't man up and put your foot down, you're going to spend the rest of your days with her in complete misery.
2007-09-25 05:20:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
In a way you only have yourself to blame because you didn't do your home work and checked out your new wife to be properly and probably rushed into the relationship. You made your bed, now lay in it.
2007-09-25 05:06:57 · answer #10 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋