My friend and I are both married to new people now but about 6 years ago my ex dumped me and I was gutted. My friend was away for a few months so her boyfriend and I spent a lot of time together. We got very close and fell in love. He helped me through a difficult time but in the process he dumped my friend because he had fallen for me. Now everytime I see her she constantly goes on about her ex and how she never found out why he dumped her. I can't even be in the same room as her. I spoke to my husband about whether i should come clean and hope she will forgive me. He said i should just leave it as she shouldnt be going on about her ex all the time if she is married plus it was such a long time ago. Its eating me up and I can't sleep. I have depression and I know if I tell her I will lose all my friends as we have the same circle of friends. Should I tell her or try to forget about it?
2007-09-24 21:21:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only thing your going to achieve by telling her is relieving your own guilt Hun. Your probably going to break her heart and there's a chance that she'll never speak to you again. Is it worth losing her over something you did years ago? Your husband is right...If she's happily married she shouldn't still be going on about her ex. Try and forget what you did and try to be the best friend you can to her now.
Take care x
2007-09-24 21:28:38 · answer #1 · answered by ¸.•*¨) Inked Barbie ¸.•*¨) 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, let's put it this way: Your well being will cost you your current friendship.
If it means so much to you, and if it is to the point where you are getting depressed, then talk to her.
Now, you have to understand that she may, as she is now married, forgive you and let go. Specially since what she is after is closure, and an answer.
But, she may not, as she may rightly enougth realize that you betrayed her and it was because of you that she lost that person she loved and with whom she could have had a future. She may even think that since you did it before, you may do it again and obviously, she won't be able to trust you anymore and probably won't be able to sustain a friendship with you.
So, you can either let go, or tell her.
I can understand the need you have to come clean, and what I'd suggest you do, is should you decide to go through with it, make sure you tell your husband so that he can give you his support.
Also, make sure you don't shift the problem to your own couple, since, this make rake your relationship one way or the other with your husband.
So, whatever you decide, make sure that it does stop at ONE Point.
There must be a beginning, and an END to this or this will consumme you entirely.
Good luck.
What's done is done, and you must learn to deal with it one way or the other and then, let go. xx
2007-09-25 04:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think she already knows, why is she still going on about it? dose she talk about it with other people when you are not there?. The only thing that will come out of you telling her now after so long would ease your guilt but that would be replaced with the greif you would get, whats the point ?
Focus on you new life with your husband
2007-09-25 04:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by samspost2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont listen to all those comments about you being a bad friend . You oviously are or otherwise you wouldnt care ! Everyone makes mistakes basically you did ( Havnt we all Ay ) . If i was you personly i wouldnt say anything ! why loose all your friends after one mistake . Yourr actally right you probably will loose all your friends if you say something . Give yourself a second chance , Everyone deserves that dont they . Dont loose sleep over it , You deserve better . !
2007-09-25 04:42:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget about it - why drag up the past now? This is very much your issue though and the only person who will feel better is you but yet cause pain to your friend.
Your man is correct though, why is she still harping on about her ex?
2007-09-25 04:25:25 · answer #5 · answered by ShuggieMac 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
the reason you want to tell her is so YOU CAN FEEL BETTER.you telling her this will not help her at all.she will feel worse for something that is 6 years in the past.even thou this hurts your conscious you will have to live with this.BUT TRULY LEAVE IT ALONE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW SHE IS MARRIED AND YOU GUYS ARE GOOD FRIENDS JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.this is something that if you do will ruin a friends trust in you and will ultimately make you lose a friend.
2007-09-25 04:28:22 · answer #6 · answered by kingml213 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You know, it really is just easier to go polyamorous when wanting to sleep with more people... Just get everyone to agree to the situation, keep everyone informed as to who is sleeping with whom, and make sure to use condoms.
Aso, finding the right people to sleep with, kind of important....
2007-09-25 04:33:14 · answer #7 · answered by FlowerPet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
telling her will not make her feel better, and it will affect your relationship with her and the other friends. the past is over with, u can't undo it, forgive yourself for it and move on. will telling her make it all go away, i doubt it. what u feel is guilt over what happened, but your no longer that person, she needs to move past it too.
2007-09-25 04:45:05 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let sleeping dogs lie. She won't want to know the truth. She won't thank you for it. Your husband is right: She should have put it behind her as well. Please try to forgive yourself. The past is the past and you have learnt from your mistake.
2007-09-25 04:26:47 · answer #9 · answered by Stella's Helper 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
look, if they didn't have problems he wouldn't even look at you, just help you as a friend.
There's always more than one reason...You can't blaime yourself alone - he might have something to do with it too... Anyway if you want to help your friend, introduce a nice guy to her...
2007-09-25 04:42:13 · answer #10 · answered by Aunty Pear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋