Ladies would you bring this up to your hubby or keep quiet?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 16 yrs. For some reason he only wants to shave about once per week. I have had depression throughout our marriage and I sometimes think he may suffer too, although he would never admit it. My question is, when we go out on Sat night as a family and he hasn't shaved in 6 or 7 days, is it inappropriate for me to ask him to shave? Sometimes he is fine with it, but other times I offend him even though I ask nicely. BTW, despite my depression, I always dress nice when we go out and have my hair fixed pretty and my make-up on. I don't mind a few days unshaved, but 6 to 7 days just seems disrespectful to me. He didn't shave the night before our anniversary either, when we were intimate. I asked him on our anniversary and he did, but I don't know if he would have thought of it if I hadn't asked. Don't get me wrong. I know this problem isn't "huge", I simply want to know if you would choose to bring it up or keep quiet about it. Thanks ladies.

Thanks everyone. You are all being very kind and I appreciate the responses. I do want to clarify one thing. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough space to go into what I meant about the depression. He has had many other signs and I just thought the not shaving might go along with how so many people who are depressed don't shower( which he rarely does) and all. I love him with all my heart and I am not saying he is depressed just because I have experienced it or anything. I just know the signs too well. I do see what you are saying though...I guess the not shaving alone doesn't necessarily mean he is depressed. Thanks again everyone.

Answer 1

First of all, make sure YOU are clean-shaved! I used to make the mistake of shaving for the OBGYN, but not for hubby. Then I realized just how backwards that was. I mean, my hubby is, well... my HUBBY! My OB isn't, nor does he care if I've shaved, like my hubby does. Anyway, it may seem hypocritical to your hubby if you ask him to be clean-shaven more often than you are. So, make sure that's not the case.

If he's sensitive about your correction, I'd take the more encouraging approach, like really lay on the kissing him and rubbing his back, etc., on days he's clean-shaven, telling him, "Ah, now I can see the face I love!"

Finally, if your hubby is NOT sensitive about your correction of him, then go ahead and say something. I mean, after all, you've made it 16 years. He shouldn't get too bent out of shape over criticism of his stubble. And you can always follow up your discussion with a question like, "Now, what can I do to be more appealing to you? Dye my hair, wear red lipstick, or is it a bigger turn-on for the house to be clean?"

Many blessings!
MomWtrmn

Answer 2

No it is not inappropriate for you to ask him to shave. In fact you shouldn't have to ask him, it should be automatic. This is from a male perspective. I shave EVERY day, if I am going out at night, I will shave again. Depression has nothing to do with not shaving. Several years ago I too suffered from "Clinical Depression" but I still shaved every day. Guys that don't shave for days on end I feel are just lazy.

Answer 3

you husband is trifling. what man would go that long w/o shaving and especially in public. you need to tell him that he looks so handsome when he shaves and you are out as a family. tell him that it reminds you of when you first meet him and you get so high when you have that feel. and that him shaving does if for you. use verse physicology. that she work if not go the other way let him know that is embassing and it make the whole family look bad when he looks like a crazy caveman. GodBless

Answer 4

I used to whinge at my husband for staying unshaved during his rostered days off and making sure he shaved the night before he was due back at work.I hated him shaving his goatie off.

How do you figure he is depressed just because he doesnt shave?Stop mirroring your own feeling's onto him you'll give the poor bloke a complex.

Answer 5

I'm not a lady, but I never did this when I was married. Nor would I do it if I remarried. How would he like it if YOU went without shaving? He has a problem that needs to be addressed.

Answer 6

Out of respect for you and others, he should take the time to groom himself. That is just plain lazy. Sit and talk to him about this on a day when it is not the immediate issue. Tell him that it is embarrassing for you to have to sit there while people stare at him for being so grubby looking. Just tell him that you want to be proud of that handsome man that you married.

Answer 7

If it bothers you, bring it fourth they always say its not what you say but how you say it to others here is a possible way I would approach my husband in saying that very thing.

"Honey you know that whenever you shave I am very attracted to you, none the less I always am, but whenever you are shaved you are very attactive, Can i help you shave"

He will then know what you want, and you have offered your services:-)

Answer 8

I don't think it's a bad thing for you to ask, but it depends on HOW you ask. Tell him how breathtakingly handsome he looks when he shaves, or how you just can't resist kissing him or stroking his face afterward. My mother used to say that you could "catch more flies with honey than vinegar", so I guess that could apply in this case! Be sweet when you ask, and I'll bet he'll respond positively.

Answer 9

1. Your depression is your own problem. You shouldn't make your husband responsible for your own happiness. Each person should be responsible for their own happiness because they control the elements in their life, and if someone else does something to make you unhappy, then you should settle it responsibly.

2. That being said, you should bring it up that he looks much more handsome when he's clean-shaven and see if that doesn't convince him to clean up when you go out.

Answer 10

I won't keep quiet about it...i like my hubby-to-be to shave often so as to enhance his look...some women prefer their men to shave but some just ignore it...my man's appearance is very important to both he and I...