I have a great marriage and a beautiful daughter. I would never want to leave my husband or do things differently. However, every once in a while I think about a guy that I dated a long time ago and wonder what would have happened if I had ended up with him. We had a really good relationship and the timing was just off. I wonder about him and what his life is like. Yet, I have never attempted to contact him because I feel that this would be unfair to my husband. But, every once in a while it nags at me and I miss him. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this experience and what I should do about it.
Thanks!
2007-09-24 17:01:35 · 14 answers · asked by dixiechic 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh yeah...I have definitely wondered about that sort of thing before too. I don't think it is unusual or wrong to just wonder...if you miss him, well..that is understandable. Sounds like the two of you really cared for each other.
What matters is that you are not wanting to stray and you are keeping it as just thoughts...maybe even a few fantasies. Everyone thinks things they wish they hadn't and fantasized and felt a little weird about it.
My advice to you would be to just let the thoughts be what they are. Don't try to stop them and don't beat yourself up for them either. Also, make sure that you and your husband are meeting each others needs..emotionally. I say that because many times when things aren't going quite as smooth as we might like them to...more thoughts are likely to come into our mind, Such as...I wonder if so and so would have snapped at me like that? You know what I mean? Make sure you and your husband are keeping the lines of communication open and I think you will be just fine. Good luck to you.
2007-09-24 17:59:03 · answer #1 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I broke up with my ex-fiance for lots of reasons... mainly because when we graduated college our jobs took us to different parts of the country and there didn't seem any way to bring our lives together with our career paths. I miss him and I think of him every once in a while.
I'm engaged to a new guy who is fantastic, but I know that years from now when I'm married with kids, I'll always wonder about my first love :) While I think I was too young to get engaged, at the time, he was really a great guy. He would have made a great husband/father!
I wish we could have a crystal ball that could tell us what would have happened if we stayed with our lost loves!
2007-09-25 00:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by Cochy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thoughts are exactly what they are...thoughts. Keep them that way.
I agree with the idea that you need to get busy with something...why are you even sitting around thinking about something like that? Every time a thought like that pops into your head, change the subject or do something to take your mind off of it. It's normal to think about an ex now and then, but it sounds like you are obsessing.
When you start to think of your ex, start thinking of a good memory with your husband or daughter, etc. Whatever you do, don't try and contact this guy! Sounds like you have a great marriage...don't mess that up!
2007-09-25 00:11:09 · answer #3 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage is so great, what are you doing thinking and day dreaming about another man? He is a part of your past, not your present or your future. Do not entertain the thoughts when they come to your mind and eventually they will fade if you allow them to. Be Grateful for the man, and life you have been given. Stay true to your marriage vows. If the tables were turned you would want, expect that from your Husband.
Good luck, God bless.
2007-09-25 00:39:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound perfectly normal to me. As long as you realize that you have a wonderful life with your husband and child, there's nothing wrong with remembering that there once were other people in your life who were pretty special in their own right. I would not advise you to do anything about it except to enjoy the good memory. Contacting him would not be good and could cause a lot of problems.
2007-09-25 00:18:32 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel like this all the time. There were so many people that I have dated over the years that I now wonder what would have happened if I would have gotten with any of them. I think that we are just human and these thoughts are normal.
2007-09-25 00:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by bushnana 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not contact him...you will just make a big mess. How would you feel if your hubby was thinking about a past love. That was the past ....this is now. Take care of what you have. Your hubby is God's gift to you. And no I do not think about a past love. If we broke up it was for a reason. Put all that energy in your hubby!!! Good Luck!!!
2007-09-25 00:08:41 · answer #7 · answered by metalwife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It very natural to wonder about the what ifs. There is a reason that you and your ex did not work out forever. I really believe that you should listen to: Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks. It is a great song about this sort of thing.
2007-09-25 00:17:13 · answer #8 · answered by Nate and Kris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too have this one person that persistantly puts the "what if" thoughts in my head, to the point that I did try and search them, no luck though, maybe that's why it's easy for me cause I can't find them....good luck, but it's natural, especially if there's something in your life that you either feel is missing, lack of excitment, boredom, I don't know, but trust me, you're not the only one.
2007-09-25 12:54:57 · answer #9 · answered by Dolly J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do nothing about your secret desires. It's the past and leave it there. It's natural to wonder about a old flame but anymore than that you better be prepared to destroy your marriage. Do you honestly think seeing this person would be worth it?
2007-09-25 00:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by JG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋