I always love to talk to my husband about my feelings and I want him to talk to me about his. But the other night we were talking about love. He told me that he thinks it is sweet that I love so hard, but he said most people love like that with their first love but after that they don't. I know about his first love. They were 16 and had a baby by the time they were 17. The relationship didn't last long after that. He says she cheated. I know her now and I really like her. They never got married, but he did marry someone else soon after they split. He was married 7 years and his wife cheated so they divorced. The thing is, I have been hurt in the past too, but it doesn't stop me from loving with all my heart. My first love died 5 weeks before we were to get married. I don't let that stop me. I want to be loved like that again. I am afraid that I will never be able to have him love me the way I love him. What should I do?
2007-09-24 16:33:12 · 12 answers · asked by Kari M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should stop yourself and reread what you just wrote--you're writing mainly about what you're experiencing. Everyone heals and matures at a different rate. Congrats that you got over losing someone you loved, but that doesn't mean that your husband has to get over his past either.
You need to keep communicating with him, but LISTEN instead of just talk. ASK how he feels about things, not just what love is to him. Ask him what he desires from your relationship and from you.
The best thing you can do for him is to listen.
2007-09-24 16:36:42 · answer #1 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that he is loving you with all he's got or else he wouldn't have married you and still be married to you. Perhaps he is implying that he just doesn't think that his love is as strong as yours. That doesn't mean that it isn't. Perhaps he is insecure about that you love him more and his best isn't good enough, so he's admitted defeat by saying that he can't love the same way you do. He's giving you everything he's got to give. If that isn't enough for you now, then nothing he does in the future will ever change that. You've both been hurt and have emotional baggage. The difference is that your baggage causes you to question your current relationship more than his does. His comment about not being able to love the same way you do with your first could just be his way of saying that no love is the same at all. He doesn't love you like he did with his first love because you are a different person with different things to love (and obviously more to love since he's with you). His past isn't stopping him from doing anything. You're the one who is letting his past, and your own, stop you from enjoying the love you have here and now. Don't dwell on how your love stacks up to his past or how his love stacks up to yours. Love him for who he is now.
2007-09-24 23:45:13 · answer #2 · answered by rainbowreggie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is still mixed up about what love really is. He is talking about "puppy love" as they call it. He could not have truly loved the first person he was with if he cheated...especially after having a baby. He needs to go to counseling and you need to go to couples counseling apart from that with him. Bravo for you to be so good hearted and kind and resilient and courageous to love someone so much after such a devastating loss. I admire you. Hang in there because I think he may find out that he has a great woman he will find to be the love of his lifetime.
2007-09-25 00:27:03 · answer #3 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am getting divorced, so I'm not sure I am best suited to answer.
You are responsible for your heart, your perception, and your actions. Consider if you would love this person whether he loved you or not. Granted, if he showed no affection, the relationship would be different, but your love would be there. Is your love for him a reaction to his acceptance: are you loving him simply because he pays attention to you? I do not expect this to be correct - it does not sound that way.
For the amount of love you have for him as he is, then it does not matter how he behaves. For the amount of acceptance you need from him to validate your life, the response to your affection is required. Only you know your heart.
Keep your dreams as well, because they are an important part of you. Besides, tomorrow may bring with it hope and fulfillment.
2007-09-24 23:56:47 · answer #4 · answered by science_joe_2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, hes a guy, and i bet he does love you that much. But its harder for them to open up, when they do with their first love, then they get hurt, and decide never to do that again. Honestly, if you were ever to leave, or at least to threaten to leave, youd probably get it out of him that he really feels that way, but of course thats not what you should do. So, just take him as he is, you wouldnt have married him if you didnt feel he loved you right? Im sure you know in your heart how much he loves you. or else, your maybe not loving him as much as your trying to make yourself think you do, and turning it towards him to ease the pain on yourself? i dont know, whatever the case may be, you love him, he loves you, you communicate it different ways, maybe counseling, try it for a month, maybe it could help you feel more at ease with your marriage.
2007-09-24 23:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by ♥mama♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your feeling that he loves you. Men aren't emotional people like women are. Women wear their heart on their sleeves were men keep theirs in a secure place. Especially if they've been hurt bad before. My husband when through something similar to yours and he doesn't always tell me things either. One reason is because men don't want they wife to think or get the wrong impression when there's no reason to. But they know we can. Best thing is to learn to let the things he doesn't share go because maybe he thinks you would think bad of him if you knew everything or he just doesn't want to deal with it over and over again. It's hard but if you want him to know he can trust you then something you just have to let him come to you about when and if he gets ready. Just don't jump to conclusion until you know everything. And what you don't know might cause less pain for you and your marriage then knowing.
2007-09-25 00:29:12 · answer #6 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men don't show their feelings like we do. You have to love him were he is at. Give him all that you can and he will love you back, men show it in different ways. He loves you he just has a hard time expressing it.
2007-09-24 23:38:12 · answer #7 · answered by b n real 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Counseling and tell him to read "Self Matters" and "Relationship Rescue" by Dr Phil McGraw.
2007-09-28 18:31:06 · answer #8 · answered by iamroxi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
each love for each person is different.. i have been in love 3 times before hubby and each man i loved differently.. and i dont compare them.. you cant..
2007-09-24 23:46:41 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you look healthy,sexy figure, sexual active,offer him sex daily, he will love you. if one of these is missing, it hard for a guy to think she love him. all NORMAL guys will cheat if they don"t have it. we need sex daily. it just a natural thing. we don"t get arouse if you don"t look sexy or sexual active
2007-09-24 23:41:36 · answer #10 · answered by LEXUSRY 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋