We have been together for two years, we have a five month old son, and our relationship no longer has any trust. I found out while I pregnant that he was still in contact with an ex, and I believe that he still had feelings for her based on some things I found, but he assures me that he only loves me. They are no longer in contact, and it is over (i keep tabs to make sure). But I hate that I'm always paranoid, and I hate living like this. He doesn't trust me because an ex of mine used to contact me (well over a year ago), but the contact was unwanted, I had no feelings for him, and I eventually told him to leave me alone. Where do we go from here? Can we ever rebuild our trust for one another?
2007-09-24 16:28:45 · 10 answers · asked by Mommy_1030 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its going to be hard to trust again if questionable things come up. I mean you are even saying you keep tabs to make sure he is not contacting that ex that means you are still worried that he might do it. I think if you want the marriage or relationship to go on you have to start with counseling and talking about why you feel he may have feelings for that person. Once you can get that figured out maybe you can work through that.
2007-09-24 17:10:42 · answer #1 · answered by <Carol> 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust can be rebuilt, but it takes a leap of faith. You know that his contact with his ex is over, as is your contact with your ex. Since you're keeping tabs on your man, you know he's being honest with you. Now comes the hard part. You have to put your heart on the line again and just say, "I'm going to trust you from now on. I'm going to take what you tell me as the God's honest truth. I'm not going to check up on you or ask you a million questions to see if you're lying. If you love me, you won't betray that trust again." If you don't feel like you can take that leap, that you'll always wonder what he's doing when he's not with you, then maybe your trust cannot be rebuilt. I hope that you can, because it sounds like you love him. If you can keep the lines of communication open, and both of you can talk to each other about everything, then you have a chance. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2007-09-24 16:35:33 · answer #2 · answered by AmmoBride 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is truly a difficult position for a relationship to be in. However, you have made an important step in just posting this. Hopefully your mate feels the same way -- and wants to solve the problem. If the two of you do, perhaps it will take a new vow of fidelity. This could be strengthened if it were witnessed by your family members and your son. Taking a solemn oath in front of your closest relations (and friends?) would certainly be a strong indication of your willingness to recommit to one another and start again! Best of luck to you two and your son.
2007-09-24 16:36:43 · answer #3 · answered by cranura 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
god i feel for you. my husband, who was boyfriend at the time cheated on me 4 years ago. it was absolutely devistating. there's no other feeling to describe it and you'd never ever know until you've been there. it took a LOT of time and a lot of patience for us to get to where we are now. i love him, he loves me. i think he learned, although i know that sounded stupid. he realized what he has and he saw what it did to me, to us. he almost lost me, his two sons, and now he has a daughter.
one thing, though. you don't wanna hear this, but why do you think your man is hanging on you being in contact with your ex? i'm sure if you think about it you'll get it! he's focusing on you and taking the heat off him! you'll forget about his betrayal if you're focused on making him believe you love him and there's nothing going on between you and your ex. don't let him manipulate you girl! stand up and say, look, that was a year ago. you betrayed my love, my trust, everything while i was carrying our child! let's focus on what you did and not what you like to think or make me think i did.
trust CAN be established again, it can. it'll take time and i'll tell you what i've told my husband... i can't forgive you if you won't accept the blame for what you've done to us, to me. you have to take responsibility for what YOU did and not focus on anything else. when you do that i can learn to trust again. if he can't take the blame now, what makes you think he'll stop and never do it again?
2007-09-24 16:37:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait , hold up , he stayed in contact with an ex after you were married and pregnant , and your ex tried to stay in contact with you but you told him to take a hike and now neither 1 of you trusts each other.Have I got this right?.
If he didnt have physical intercourse with this ex and you didnt have it with your ex , how can you even claim mis-trust?.I'm so confused.
I think some maturing is needed on both your parts and you both need to realise there are larger issues in life to bother with , this isnt 1 of them.Good luck.
2007-09-24 17:59:44 · answer #5 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get some counselling together, learn about each other's value system on trust and what constitutes betrayal - it sounds like you don't know each other that well.
really good communication and understanding can help you.
it sounds to me like its' not all bad, perhaps you are making a mountain out of a molehill??
2007-09-24 16:34:57 · answer #6 · answered by sass24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away from each other for a while.
If it was meant to be, you'll come back together once you've both grown up and learned to trust yourselves.
2007-09-24 16:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by marycontrary9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Breaking a TRUST is like breaking a mirror, you put it bake together, but it will always have cracks in it!!! But in time, you might begin to ignore the cracks, and see only yoursevles lookin back!! GOOD LUCK&MGB
2007-09-24 16:33:12 · answer #8 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you can if you both really want it. but he will have to earn your trust back.. and that can take time..
2007-09-24 16:40:06 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope
2007-09-24 16:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋