I am in my twenties and my parents are getting divorced..?

Question

I am having a horrible time dealing with it. My mom just told me she was going to give him the papers yesterday...its just I think she is going through her midlife crisis, and I know that sounds mean, i just think she is making a mistake and I feel AWFUL for my dad. Its not like either one has cheated or anything...they just kinda grew apart and my dad still loves her so much. How do I deal?

Answer 1

oh man that is so hard. yeh if they have been married before you were born then 20 yrs is along time.. can you talk to your mom and your dad seperate?? ask them or your mom if she can name 13 reasons why she wants to divorce? in some states judge requires this. maybe your dad may need to spice things up like a vacation alone with her make her feel yung again maybe thats it if u feel like shes going through her mid life crisis.
1. ask her for 13 reason why?
2. how long has she been contimplating this?
(shouldnt make this decison till its the only option)
3. have they tried counseling?
4. ask your mom whats the one thing that can change her mind?
commend your mom on the success of a long marriage with your dad and that you respect her as a woman and mom and it has really shaped your life to have a solid family as well

maybe your mom just needs alot of loven right now if she is going through midlife thing.. we all can go through that.
it cant hurt to try this.

by all means the divorce affects you and all of your family (siblings) so maybe your mom really needs support at this time and maybe you will be glad that you did talk to your parents. even if you are 20. it effects adults too not just kids when there parents get divorced.

Answer 2

Marriages can break down any time.

I guess that there is really not much that you can do.

People don't just want to seperate. there are deep and hidden reasons. A proper marriage counselling can actually bring up those reasons.

And when people talk about them, there is a chance that things can get resolved.

For example some people don't feel loved.

They don't know how to communicate love. They are not even aware of what are the love language of their respective spouse ? Love language refers to how you communicate and receive love ? there are 5 primary ways.

1. Acts of service.
2. Spending Quality Time.
3. Receiving Gifts.
4. Touch.
5. Affirmation - words.

So imagine that if your primary `love language' was spending quality time and that of your spouse was doing `acts of service'; you would a scenario of one person running round the house doing work and the other waiting for this person to sit down just to talk ........ there would be no communication on love. Love is not just sex !


8 years ago I had infidelity issues and we were seperated. (At that point we were married for 9 years.) I had multiple relationships across the countries that I did business in.

The good news however was that we got back together 4 years ago. Thru proper counselling, we now have a stronger marriage and are fully aware how men or women can stray.

What are the reasons ? Multitude actually. Some of these have to do with expectations, past baggage, human weakness and some even spiritual reasons.


Check out www.coos.org.sg/sermon - 16 Sept 2007 where my wife and myself shared what happened to us and how we were restored. We are the last couple in that session to share our life story.

If you have more specific questions, pse contact us.


Francis Chong

Answer 3

I can relate to this sooooo much when I was 16 I found out that my dad asked my mom for a divorce! My mom loves my dad but my dad didnt seem to show any emontion. as far as we (the kids) know there was no cheating involved my dad just decided he wasnt in love with my mom anymore! It hit me really hard, because i saw all my friends parents getting a divorce and thought that mine would be the ones to make it! You just kinda need to except it I am 22 now and still hold a little gauge against my dad but have lived with the fact that my parents arent together anymore.

Answer 4

We cannot control anyone else's life. I am sorry for what you are going to have to go through. Have you asked Mom why she wants a divorce? You are old enough she should be honest. On the other hand, many couples stay together for the sake of the family, and you may all be grown enough now so that Mom feels she can move on. Be there for both of them; that's the only thing you can offer at this point. Again, I'm very sorry.

Answer 5

It's possible you're right about the wisdom of your mother's decision, but then again, you've never been in her shoes. And divorced couples have been known to reconcile. But that has to be something they work out together. If there is no other person in the picture, that is a good thing.
They're both still your parents. Treat them with love and without taking sides. This is not something they did *to* you. So love them both. That's really all you can do, I think.

Answer 6

i know its hard, but you have to accept that they are able to make their own decisions. perhaps your mom felt very neglected in the marriage and was more unhappy than anyone realized. people do change and grow apart. marriage is hard work. maybe she would be willing to try counseling. even if she has filed, maybe they can take their time and make sure that this is really what she wants. either way, the most important thing is that they try to remain on friendly terms as much as possible. it will make the transition a lot more bearable if they aren't fighting. my parents divorced when i was 17, so i understand how you feel

Answer 7

My parents got divorced the year I left for college. And I always thought to myself, "You're already 18, you shouldn't be so bent out of shape by this!" My point is divorce doesn't only adversley affect little children, but it affects us at any age and I understand your saddness. There could be SO MUCH that went on between her and your dad that you don't even know about! Do you think they would be open to counseling?

Answer 8

Be certain of one thing.......your mom is not making this decision lightly....It is probably the hardest decision she has made in her life, one she will have considered fully for a long time.....She may well be in mid-life, but presuming she is a physically and mentally healthy woman, she hasn't suddenly lost the ability to make the right choices for HER life.....I understand your pain and confusion....However, all you can do is continue to love and support each parent as they love and support you.......You have your entire future ahead of you, you WILL fly the nest and make a life of your own, while still keeping a close and loving relationship with each of your parents...

Answer 9

you never really know what the real deal is until you are the one in that situation.

you're an adult now, just talk to them about it and tell them what you think, if she still wants a divorce then let it be.

or suggest that maybe they need to try the trial separation instead of going straight to divorce, they might realized they can't live without each other you know.

Answer 10

Honey, I know you don't want to hear this, but it's not the end of the world. If either of them were dying, that might be the end, but this is just them living apart. Would you want either of your parents to be unhappy just to stay together for you or appearances? Maybe she is making a mistake, maybe not, but if she is, it is her God-given right to live her life however she chooses, the same as you. I know it's hard, but try to detach from the situation, love both of your parents, and let THEM deal with the divorce issue. It's going to be okay. You'll survive this.