Why do spouses stray eventhough their family life is ok. Do they want more?

Answer 1

I was one of those good guys who love the family and my wife; always dreamt I would live a ripe old age with my wife until we die.

8 years ago I had infidelity issues and we were separated. I had multiple relationships across the countries that I did business in. The good news however was that we got back together 4 years ago. Thru proper counselling, we now have a stronger marriage and are fully aware how men can stray.

What are the reasons ? Multitude actually. Some of these have to do with expectations, past baggages, human weakness and some even spiritual.

Check out www.coos.org.sg/sermon - 16 Sept 2007 where my wife and myself shared what happened to us and how we were restored. We are the last couple in that session to share what has happened to us.

If you have more specific questions, pse contact us.


Francis Chong

Answer 2

It is not for the reason that they want more.....it is because they are weak and selfish. For some people committment does not hold the same meaning and they fail themselves and let a spouse down. It is every bit more about them than it is about you because .....just as they can find the energy to cheat they can choose to get counseling and put that energy into the marriage and not cheat. If a spouse can take those steps to cheat they can just as well find the truth and honesty to take the step to get a divorce first. At least this keeps the spouse from questioning their own self worth kicking their self esteem into the ground and possibly giving them a life threatening disease throwing second hand scraps to the spouse when their lover isn't available!! There is no excuse for cheating when two people are married ...you or either faithfull or you are not and if you can't be you should not stay married and emotionally abuse someone because you don't want to control yourself.

Answer 3

Yes, they do want more, or at the very least, more of something different. And mayb there are parts of their family life that is not ok.

For guys, usually it really is a lack of great sex or mayb it is more that they want uninhibited sex with someone new. Someone that wont judge them, or make them feel awkward about whatever dirty, weird, kinky things that they want to do, or try. Someone that just wants to feel good like they want, without all the talk and workup to get it.

With women, usually it is a lack of more emotional attachment - mayb lack of sex, but usually a lack of passionate sex. Women love to be wooed.

And i have found thru talking with alot of folks, that some find it easy to separate love and sex. I used to think it was just guys, but nope, girls can do it too.

Sometimes it is just a physical need that they dont get satisfied within their marriage. That is how some people look at sex outside of their marriage: there is no feeling, emotion or attachment, no love with this other person, therefore it is ok. Purely satisfying a physical need, like eating. Some of us will never comprehend that, cuz some of us just do not think that way.

Cuz making love and having intercourse are two different things. Nice that they can be both with the right partner.

So i would believe a cheating spouse if they did say that they still love their spouse. More times than not, love is not part of an affair. Just wanting more of something they dont have, or dont get enough of.

Answer 4

Yes they want more. They are bored, what one person thinks is ok, another might not think it is ok. For example, you could ask a woman how many times a week her and her husband have sex and if SHES happy with that amount? She might say 2-3-4 times a week and yes, SHE is happy with that. Her husband will probably disagree and say he wishes he had more. People cheat or stray, whatever, for a variety of reasons. It is usually a larger underlying problem within the marriage. There are those few scenarios that people will stray just because they can, they want to and they are selfish.

Answer 5

It is pure act of selfishness and lust. If one feels neglected, then he or she should communicate with the spouse unless the marriage has irrevocably broken down. Basically , if the family life is okay and if they still stray, they really need to get their head examined. Life is not perfect and that doesn't give an excuse to stray.

Answer 6

If folks are satisfied with their spouse, they DON'T stray - because they don't need to - all their needs are satisfied. Sometimes they'll stray as a matter of immaturity (thinking they're missing something), sometimes it's poor communication, sometimes people do things - just because they can. If your spouse is doing it now - it won't stop - for long.

So, you need to make a decision of what works best for YOU because happiness only comes from within -

Answer 7

day to day life for some can just get boring. I think this is why a spouse could stray. It doesn't have to get boring, but sometimes when people quit working on their relationship, boredom sets in.

Answer 8

Well my husband just told me last night that he was unmotivated. I have done everything. The sexy clothes, the girl on the other side role play. Sex on demand, and I am still a good provider, and mother! So I do believe my husband wants more, and I do believe that he is very selfish. My husband is scared to impregnate someone else, he loves his kids too much, and thinks that eventually his little fling would start to deteriorate just as the marriage has!

Answer 9

Sometimes it's because they feel neglected. Sometimes it's because the grass looks greener somewhere else. Sometimes it's because they've never really been happy with what or who they had. Sometimes it's just plain selfishness. But whatever the reason, the bottom line is, they just don't have what it takes to "Just say no" to doing wrong, which is all about self control. You can choose right, just like you can choose wrong, and the costs are MUCH lower.

Answer 10

It happened to me. After 17 years of what I thought was the perfect marriage, I found out my husband cheated, seven months after it happened. I found out in the most bizarre way and there was alcohol involved. But you can't always blame the alcohol. I've been faithful, even though opportunities arose and when I found out he cheated, I thought what did I do to make him do it. It wasn't my fault, it was his and he has to live with what he did. We're still together, only because he promised it was a one-time thing and it'll never happen again. But I'm not naive and my eyes are wide open but things will never be the same between us. I found out 10 months ago and still haven't forgiven him.