at work when i told one of my kinda friends that i was expecting, he wrote me a letter saying that he was happy but mad because his wife and him have been trying for so long. i was really upset because i was so happy because i thought hed be happy and the first thing i got was anegative responce. second its not my fault that his wife had a cyst on her ovary since she was 13 and decided not to get it removed. is it wrong for me to feel upset? i feel i should be happy, not saying everyone has to be happy for me but why should i feel bad because i concieved and she decided not to get the cyst fixed when she was younger so she could. she knew what a cyst could do on her ovary,
2007-09-24 14:35:15 · 20 answers · asked by miraclebaby_2006 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
its not like shes 220-25 shes almost 40...
2007-09-24 14:35:30 · update #1
actually no i dont want a congrats. i got that from my family and thats all i need. i wanted opinions if its wrong to be alittle upset.
2007-09-24 14:43:55 · update #2
im not mad at him and thats all he wrote "im happy but im mad because you got pregnant." i feel i have a right to be upset about this matter. i understand but its the way he put it. he couldnt even tell me to my face
2007-09-24 15:33:01 · update #3
It is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. It goes back to "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all". I am sure he did it out of anger and frustration and he shouldn't have taken it out on you. If you can ignore it and move past it and live the way you want ot live and be happy. A baby is a blessing no matter what!
2007-09-24 17:32:14 · answer #1 · answered by Chris P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can see both sides of it. While I understand how he feels(been there) I can understand how you feel. When I was having issues conceiving I avoided baby showers and such because I just couldn't be happy and didn't want to bring things down. I usually made up an excuse and sent a gift. Don't take what he said personally, it's difficult no matter the reason when you can't get pregnant. He is not mad at you personally but at the situation. It's hard to see everyone else getting pregnant so easily or even by mistake when you can't get pregnant doing everything right. He shouldn't have said what he did though. It would have been better for him to say nothing at all.
2007-09-24 14:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're focusing on the wrong part of his note. He wrote to tell you he was happy for YOU, but at the same time was reaching out and explaining how it's difficult for him to hear other people's happy news when he and his wife are struggling.
How dare you judge her personal medical decisions. You might not know the whole story behind the cyst, and to make assumptions that it's the cyst that is causing their inability to conceive is rather presumptious.
Apparently this pregnancy has you on a hormonal roller coaster, because surely if you weren't pregnant you wouldn't be this insensitive and judgemental if you were in your right mind.
Congrats on being pregnant. Hopefully you'll be able to congratulate your coworker in the near future.
2007-09-24 14:45:36 · answer #3 · answered by Take A Test! 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I understand that his letter made you upset, and I personally think he should have kept his feelings to himself. But, my husband and I tried for almost 7 years before (finally) getting pregnant. So try not to be too mad at him. Wanting to have a baby and not being able to after years of trying is frustrating, and you end up getting angry at people who seem to be able to pop out babies whenever they want.
Try talking to him about it, tell him you are sorry that he and his wife have been (so far) unable to conceive, but don't tell him it's his wife's fault for not having a cyst removed (that would be rude to say to his face). Tell him his letter hurt your feelings and you would appreciate it if he kept any negative comments to himself from now on.
Also, you are pregnant, you are much more emotional than normal, so try to kind of back off on the emotions and just be happy you are pregnant!
2007-09-24 14:45:05 · answer #4 · answered by LatchKeyPrincess 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People get upset out of jealousy and it's something that they can't control. He shouldn't have said he was mad at you. He could have just said that he was happy for you and maybe noted that he and his wife have been trying but due to medical reasons it's really hard for them. So you could have gotten your congrats and he could have gotten a little support... both would have won.
But maybe next time you see him just let him know that you understand how upsetting this is for him having trouble conceiving and that you understand what you have is truly a blessing and know not to take it for granted.
2007-09-24 14:51:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was any type of friend he would have set his own troubles and emotions aside and he certainly would not have said that to you. He wants kids but does cannot, so he spoils your moment when he should be happy for you. Just because he's having problems it seems almost as if he wishes his fate upon everyone else out of bitterness. That's selfish, and wrong. Congratulations, and never let anyone get you down.
2007-09-24 14:53:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that he wrote the letter to explain to you why he may not be able to be as excited for you as you want, and to maybe give you a heads up to be more sensitive to what he is going through. I agree with the previous poster that you are being very insensitive. I understand that you are excited, but if you are going to be a good mom, you need to start learning now how to see things through other people's eyes and being more sensitive to how others feel. Your posting sounded very childish and snotty. You should be happy for yourself and compassionate for your friend. Heaven forbid something happen to your pregnancy, then maybe you would learn to sympathize with those who have not been as fortunate as yourself. And I bet this friend would be the first to offer you an understanding shoulder.
A grownup way to handle it might be to talk to him, in a nonconfrontational way, and let him know that you empathize with his situation, and that you will limit how much you discuss of your pregnancy with him if that is what he needs. It's okay to let him know the letter hurt your feelings, but I hope you say that with much more class than you showed here.
2007-09-24 14:48:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't have told him right away. You know he's been trying for a long time. On the other side it was wrong of him to write you that letter. You be happy, a child is the best blessing in the world! Congrats!
2007-09-24 14:43:00 · answer #8 · answered by agrolia 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just give a little understanding to your officemate. I'm sure he's happy for you and not mad. He's just frustrated by the fact that he and his wife can't conceive. It's a normal feeling for somebody who has been trying for so long but still to no avail. It's just frustration really. I have a cousin who got pregnant twice already but her older sister still can't conceive. She also received the same reaction from her sister's husband but she can't do anything about it. Two years after her older sister gave birth to a pretty baby girl.
Be happy for yourself. Don't mind your officemate's reaction. One day he will realize that he made a mistake.
2007-09-24 14:48:34 · answer #9 · answered by Eileen Mae P 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, he shouldn't be mad at you as it's not your fault him and his wife are having problems conceiving.
Second, try to be a little sensitive towards his situation. It can be very frustrating and disappointing to not get pregnant month after month. It doesn't give him the right to be nasty to you, but try to remember where he's coming from. :)
2007-09-24 14:43:17 · answer #10 · answered by milelj79 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋