My husband suddenly decided he wants a divorce and won't give me a good reason why?

Question

We've been married 19 months and have an 8 month old son together plus a 3 year old daughter. My daughter is not biologically his. He asked me to move to South Carolina from Maine two years ago and marry him. We were totally in love so I did. He works and I stay home and take care of the kids. I don't know anyone here and I don't have any friends or family to stay with. He just suddenly decided he's not happy and wants a divorce. He wont tell me why and won't talk to me PERIOD. I personally think he is just under a lot of stress because we have to move to a different house on base, bills and his demanding job. I really don't think I am a bad wife to him. He neglects our kids and doesn't do anything around the house. I see other husbands out mowing or taking out the trash. He just sits on the computer ALL DAY playing fantasy football and cyberdunk.com.
He's in the USAF and leaving for Korea at the beginning of November. This is killing me. I don't know what to do!

I have no where to go with my kids and I'm not working. I have nothing to fall back on as far as a career goes because I wasn't going to go to school until he got back from Korea. I don't have a car... nothing. He pays for everything and it's in his name. I never expected this to happen so I never had a "plan" incase something like this were to happen. I married him simply because I'm in love with him and I never thought he would just turn on me this like this.

He also has a huge anger problem which he has at one time admitted but now strongly denies. He's very hard-headed and pretty much stuck on himself. He thinks he is God's gift and if right ALL THE TIME. Nothing could bruise his ego or make him think he may need some type of counseling or anything. His mom's ex-boyfriend made him this way when he was 10-13 by abusing him and telling him he'd never be anything so now that he's in the USAF, he thinks he so successful and everyone else sucks and talks down to everyone. I understand why he's like that. It's not right but he not a bad person.... he just has issues from his past that he needs to resolve and has never actually done that. He always just pushed to the back of his mind so he could forget it all. So now he is emotionally abusive and can be just plain cruel. But I really believe with marriage counseling we can work things out.

If he files for seperation or divorce (in SC you have to be legally seperated for a year before divorcing), is there anything I can do to keep it from happening? Even his mom tells she doesn't think it's what he truely wants and is just acting out of anger.

I'm not sure if I could get the car (that is in HIS name) or anything since we've only been married 19 months. And I've been told once you are legally seperated, the spouse has to move off base? Could I get alimony and child support during seperation. I'm not kidding when I say we have no where else to go.... so if they make us leave base we completely screwed.

trish m- I've done everything to kiss his @ss... I've cried, begged, cooked, cleaned, taken care of the kids myself, tried to talk, tried to flirt.... he completely ignores me. If I ask him a question like "what time is it?" He'll give a quick answer with an attitude. If I ask a question about the relationship, he gives me the silent treatment.

Answer 1

Once a guy decides he wants a divorce there is not much you can do. Just accept that it will happen and make the best of it. If it takes a year, you have time. Start working out and jogging to make yourself look your best. After a couple of months you should be in condition to enter fun races. An excellent place to meet guys since they are better looking, in better shape, and smarter.

When the divorce finally takes place, you can have several guys lined up to take your ex-husband's place.

Answer 2

You do know that men just don't want out of a marriage for no reason it's always but always over another woman. If you are doing everything around the house and feeding him and having good sex when he wants if you are doing all that and he isn't happy with you then he has a girlfriend. I know what you are thinking because when someone told me that my husband must be seeing someone I said ain't no way not my husband he isn't that kind of man. He wouldn't have the time anyway well not only was he seeing someone else but had been 8 months while still leaving and sleeping with me. It was with a co-worker who was 10 years older then him and very unattractive. Don't even think you know someone because you don't unless you can read his mind. He sounds just like my husband he to thought he was gods gift to women.If you want him then there are plenty of other women that want him.Tell him you are not going anywhere don't make it easy for him,believe me he doesn't want anyone to know what he is doing. Let him get what ever it is out of his system it might take awhile but if he wants a divorce make him move out. He wouldn't throw his own kid out on the street would he,call his bluff and tell him you are staying and if he want to move out then by all means do it.

Answer 3

Lady you are making yourself seem foolish!!! I married this man who was the exact same as your man an you know what I beat him!!! I won everything!!! It does take time an alot of tears,heartache, and bruises but we are women an we can do it too!! Don't think for a second this man doesn't have to give you anything because he does 1st you need to see his commander I was military so it's probaly alittle different but go higher than his a**!!!! He might think he is the sh** but you are the bomb!!! Don't let this guy break you do for you and your kids girl don't worry cause if he is what you say then he isn't gonna get better!!!! You can get help from many places in the military, aif force check into it someone will help you!!!! Go out an meet people even a neighbor just ask!!!! In my state if you are divorcing the spouse HAS to provide a vechile for you nomatter if you only have one!!!!! Go home girl an do what you gotta do for your family!!!! I'm really sorry this guy is hurting you an your family but their is better an you can find it!!! GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

You are NOT wrong. If he won't stand up for you then he can't ask of you what he refuses to give, i.e. respect. He has to give respect before he asks it and it sounds like he wants you to give away your self-respect so he and his family can feel respected even when they do/say things that are not very respectable! I don't think so... I suspect you will find that once you draw the line thick and clear, they will be careful where they step. Just don't lose the punch of giving them a taste of their own medicine. Your daughter's wedding is your ace up the sleeve. It is not their event, it is yours. Don't let them ruin it for you! Go do your thing and let them know that it is YOUR thing, not theirs. No matter how much pressure your husband puts on you, remember this: This is YOUR daughter and YOUR happiness. Nobody has any rights if those rights come at your cost. Don't give up ANYTHING! Not for them, not for anybody. Claim what is yours! When extended family becomes toxic (as yours has), they lose their privileges and do NOT deserve to have their way leaving destruction in their wake. The boundaries have clearly been breached and you have already put up with more than is healthy or should be expected. Your husband has loyalty issues and that is not your problem - it is his. He should be in therapy. Any man who expects his wife to tolerate disrespect to make him happy is not being a husband/partner. He is being a needy @ss. He is being a tyrant, sorry. He should be there for you - whether you are right or wrong, his first loyalty should be to you. If anybody is required to make a sacrifice, he should expect that party to be his family, not you. He can lose you. He can't lose his family. They are his parents and will forgive him anything and everything. If he abuses you, you won't and shouldn't forgive him. He needs to be accountable, responsible...get with the program. Wife & children come first, extended family comes after...if and where there is room for them. They already know that, because they are still together. How can they expect your husband to stand against you with them when they set the example of standing together? Do you see how they talk out of both sides of their mouth? I think you do and your choice to stand for your family, self-respect and draw the line says you "get it". If they don't, too bad. Go ahead, draw the line. It sounds like it was a long time coming. You are most certainly NOT wrong!

Answer 5

You can get child support for the child that is biologically your husbands but if you want child support for your other child you'll have to go to that one's father for it. As for spousal support, you MIGHT be able to get it for a few months but unless you are totally disabled and can not physically work the court will expect YOU to get out and look for employement because spousal support is no longer indeffinate. I suggest the first thing you do is start looking for work...oh and one more thing. Your husband doesn't HAVE to give you a reason for divorce. In fact he didn't even HAVE to tell you he wanted one...all he HAS to do is have you served with divorce papers.

Answer 6

Your first option should be to contact someone at the base where he is stationed. I would first go to the counseling center or ask to speak to a chaplain. They will steer you in the right direction to find some financial help. His commanding officers will NOT look kindly on the fact that he is deserting his wife and child and leaving them not taken care of financially while he is gone. There is no way he can divorce you before leaving in November - so legally, he is still responsible for you. Chances are, you will still be eligible for benefits such as base housing until the divorce is final - which isn't likely to be until he gets back from his deployment. In the meantime, go back to school and get a job so you will be prepared to dump the chump once he gets back! He sounds like a real jerk!

Answer 7

Oh I HATE to be the one to say this. Really. Really I do. You'll hate me. But it's the truth. He simply beat you to the punch. Sooner or later people break up. It's all the more reason for women to take charge. Marriage was invented thousands of years ago by MEN. Make your own life. Make your own rules. Then you won't be surprised, nor will you surprise the poor goof you decide to leave. It's going to happen.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear all of this. First of all, you need to get your ducks in a row. If you do have to be separated for a year, and he is away in the service-- that is 12 months you will be receiving his military check. I don't know what the payment is called or how much it will be but, my friend gets $400 a month put into a checking account for her to help pay rent and they don't have kids. The military will also help move you and get you settled in. They also have assistance for situations such as yours, go to your county's courthouse. It is there for people in need and I am sick of seeing people not in need getting it!! You have to think about you and your kids. They will also help you out with daycare and put you through school. You can make a living for yourself and let the dumbass sit. I don't doubt that you love him but, if he is being such a bastard, do you really want to know why? Another friend of mine was told by her husband that he didn't know why, he just didn't want to be married to her anymore and she said ok. They were in the middle of building a big house. No kids but, 2 dogs. The divorce was final in a matter of 3 weeks, someone bought the half built house and she got DOG SUPPORT!! No lie. 2 weeks later he said that he might have been a little hastey in his decision and he really wanted her back. He loved her. It took all she had but, she said no. If you can't look at me and KNOW that you want to be married to me for the rest of our lives--I will find someone who does. She is now married to a really great guy. Don't sell yourself short. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. There are options for you and who needs him?

Answer 9

Well if he doesn't have a reason for wanting a Divorce, he's going to have quite a job convincing the judge to grant one isn't he!! But if he IS serious about this, would you really want to stay in a marriage with a man who doesn't want to be there for you and your children?? You deserve better.....As for what you should do...go see a lawyer immediately so that your and your childrens' welfare is protected........

Answer 10

It Can Only Be Three Things!
1.He is having an affair and wants to leave you for his lover,but he won't tell you because,in some states you can sue him and his lover.
2.He really does love you and just doesn't wanna hurt you because he's leaving,Maybe it's his own way of letting you down easy,hoping you can find love elsewhere.
3.He is secretly gay and his lover is in Korea.

I hope this helps you,Toodles!