I don't know myself?

Question

It has been 2 years now, that I have asked myself who am I?
Or why I am here. Many questions and many different answers.
But none seem to help my situation. I went to a psychiatrist, doctor, psychologist...ect. I cannot find an answer.
I feel like I don't know why I am here. I am not bipolar nor do I have any medical illness. Though I am mentally and physically strong this one question always makes me shudder.
I was invited to a party, though I did not drink.
Why? Because I was afraid of myself.
My inner thoughts might come out.
I am what you can say as a "Killer's Personality"
But I dont act as it in society...only mentally.
I do not fantasize about killing people.
Just that when I watch a movie such as Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I find it funny and start to say "Kill him"
I have a conscience and I am very educated. All honors classes. I have friends and I am mentally stable.
But...Am I a "Born Killer" Or Monster.
Anyone in this situation.
I need some REAL answers.

Thanks

Answer 1

sounds to me as if you are a victim of brainwashing. it's sad, but most people who fill themselves with media (movies, tv, music, video games) all the time are this way to some extent.

tune in, turn OFF, drop out.

Answer 2

What may be the problem is not that you do not know who you are, but rather that you are afraid of who you are.

There are specialists who can help you. What you may have is acute schizophrenia. Its a condition where you are afraid of what you may do to someone in a situation you are not comfortable in. With the help of a specialist, you can become more comfortable in you skin and not have to worry about things such as finding killing movies funny.

Answer 3

Everyone has inner demons and everyone have different ways of dealing with them. It's a good thing you are knowledgeable about your inner demons for you cannot change what you do not acknowledge but don't let it get the best of you. It is only there to help you on your journey to know yourself. When you sort everything out and accept yourself just the way you are, but know that you always could do something to better yourself, then you will know yourself better and who you are you will understand better.

Answer 4

ALL of our Answers- lie within us. Knowing oneself- can take a Lifetime, so don't go "freaking out" JUST because you aren't finding out what you need to know- NOW. If you feel that you may be having some "control problems"- then by ALL MEANS- get some Counseling & talk out your feelings with someone who knows what questions to ask. Otherwise, if you think you have a good "grip" on the situation- just keep going about your business, & PAYING attention to what's going on IN & Around you... Your "Answers" ARE there... -You just need to track them down... Good luck!