i need a funny monologue for school...?

Question

my class has to do a show case and i need a monologue fast.

Answer 1

"It isn't easy being the ugly stepsister. Everybody always feels so sorry for poor little Cinderella, but what about me? I deserve a little sympathy, too. Does MY fairy godmother ever turn up with a magic wand? Does the prince ever dance with me at the ball? Not on your life. The best I can ever hope for with my pumpkins is a decent piece of pie. And as for the rats, well, rats are rats, with their sneaky eyes and skinny tails, nibbling and gnawing at the garbage. I never saw one yet who turned into a coachman.
If you ask me, that Cinderella is weird. Certainly, she isn't normal. Besides the fact that she has naturally curly hair and wears size 4 1/2 shoes, she is so good-natured that it's downright sickening. If you had to dust and sweep and clean all day long, would you go around singing to the birds? Of course you wouldn't. No sensible person would.
A lot of people think I'm jealous of her. Maybe I am. And with good reason. I subsisted on seven hundred calories a day for three whole weeks before the ball. I did my leg-lift exercises faithfully. I got a perm and a facial and a manicure. I even bought a new gown. Blue velvet. Designer label. I mean, I was READY. PRINCEY, I thought to myself, HERE I COME!
And what happens? Little Cindy, who has never seen the inside of a health club in her life and who doesn't know the caloric difference between a carrot stick and a chocolate eclair, whips together a dress out of some old curtains from K-Mart, waltzes off to the ball and snags the prince.
It isn't fair! It really isn't fair!"


I hope you like this monolog I think it's funny. Its about the ugly step-sister complaining about Cinderella.

Answer 2

Your teacher should be the source of your information. Havent you been told a monologue is supposed to fit the actor like a second skin and be a role he or she might play? We cant cast you if we dont know your vital stats.

Answer 3

Pick up a copy of New Yorker magazine. Every week it has a column written by a humorist called "Shouts and Murmurs." I would also look online for anything by Woody Allen or Steve Martin, who are great monologue writers.