I want to help her in any way I can but I am being dragged down by her depression (marriage break up). I don't know how to deal with it.
2007-09-24 10:51:11 · 24 answers · asked by helen p 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry for my dumb question....but....your marriage is on the rocks because of this, or it's her marriage, hence her depression??
In either case, you cannot allow her problems cost you your marriage or anything that would otherwise take away from the health or sanctity of your family.
Help her as much as you can, but depression can be a horribly debilitating affliction. I had been in one (mild)...getting myself out of it now finally, for months now. I did not do meds...I hate taking meds, but that's me. Maybe she needs some if she's not on them.
Try and get her into therapy of some kind! BE there for her as much as you can...just don't allow it ruin your own homestead!
Sounds like you are trying but just wearing out. It is a draining affliction. Sucks the life out of everyone and everything. It is emotional and spiritual quicksand!
You're a great friend for trying so hard.
2007-09-24 11:16:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depression does drag others down. Tell her to get help and get on medication. That would be a big change. You cannot make her feel better. She has to do this. It is a process to get over a loss (the marriage break up) and she isn't going to be the best of company for you. If you would let go of trying to fix it and just be willing to listen and give her a hug. That's about all you can do. She will eventually do better.
2007-09-24 21:47:57 · answer #2 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel a friend of mine is going through the same thing. All you can do is listen to her because as you probably know she will want to talk about it a lot trying to make sense of it. Has she been to the doctors I know a lot of people don't like to use anti-depressants but they really do help she'll only need to be on them for a while. Try to keep her mind off it as much as possible, not easy I know, go shopping, go to the pictures anything. And keep yourself positive don't be dragged down or you will be the next at the doctors. Hope this helps a little take care.
2007-09-24 18:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by Bezza 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her depression depress you.
Offer your support but be kind and suggest that she seek counseling because you don't know how to help her any longer but you will always be there as a friend.
This is what I would say, anyway. You are very kind. I have been in the same situation and I have also been on the other side of the situation. Counseling is always the better solution.
2007-09-24 18:13:58 · answer #4 · answered by makeitright 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't give your friend the 'answer' or make her better she has to find that herself however you can still be there.
If she is depressed then encourage/make her go and see a GP as often people don't realise that is what their problem is. Her GP should give her a list of counsellors who she can talk to and help her through which should eleviate some of the pressure on you.
But as long as she is seeking out professional help then keep trying to be supportive but also point out to her when she is being overly negative and encourage her do things, this can be a great distraction and improves mood.
2007-09-24 18:05:35 · answer #5 · answered by Neira 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from as i seem to end up the agony aunt for friends and relations (even though i have plenty of my own problems).
If you like your friend then please be there for her as i break up of marriage is a very difficult time - i should know! BUT don't be on call 24/7 its important that you have other friends and find sometime for yourself. Hopefully she will come through this in a few months time but either way please dont let this get you down, try to find some 'feel good' friends too!!!
2007-09-24 17:57:08 · answer #6 · answered by Alice 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't possibly. Its completely ridiculous to assume that we can help someone else - particularly if they really aren't doing much to help themselves. It may sound callous, but you have to a) drag her to her GP and b) give her the number for the Samaritans. All you are doing, is encouraging her to continue being miserable - this is being done by your kindness which is understandable but in the end, nobody will win! Step back. The best help you can give her is making her get on with it.
2007-09-24 17:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't let her drag you down into her depression. You're her friend. You're supposed to be the sunshine on her right now. Keep upbeat...find fun things the two of you can do together. Be patient with her and she'll come around faster than you think with the support you offer her!!
2007-09-24 17:56:13 · answer #8 · answered by Tina 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Please remember that misery loves company! You can still be supportive. Just not an enabler. I went through a divorce. My best friend (after 3 months of me feeling sorry for myself) gave me 3 more weeks of self pity and then kicked me in the butt. That was 6 years ago and I am now engaged to a wonderful man.
Support does not equal pity. If you are really her friend you will take her gently and tell her this!!!!
2007-09-24 17:58:14 · answer #9 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You must be aware that if you are 'dragged down'...you will become a fellow victim and not a rescuer.
Take a step back...make your friend do the same...and define the roles you will adopt in supporting your friend. It may all seem a bit social workery....but it is wise.
2007-09-24 17:56:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋