"The need to belong, to be loved and revered, often collides with the choice to be apathetic towards all these things."
Can that be rephrased to sound better or is it fine how it is?
2007-09-24 09:57:25 · 19 answers · asked by Deo 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
"The need to belong, loved, and revered often collides with the choice to be apathetic towards these things."
You don't need the "to be" before loved because it is already implied and many times it is also inferred that the rest of the list will follow the same pattern. You also didn't need the comma after revered and the reasoning behind that is too diffucult to explain. The "all" also isn't needed because it is implied that "these" refers to the list of things at the beginning of the sentence.
2007-09-24 10:13:09 · answer #1 · answered by warneker 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
lets see, need collides with the choice....I don't like the word collide because it is not descriptive enough, and I think that you are safe enough saying that most people feel they need to be loved and to belong but revered is a bit of a stretch. I would write "the need to belong, and to feel loved is often at war with a pulling temptation toward apathy"
Then again, it might be better the way you had it.....
2007-09-24 10:08:27 · answer #2 · answered by Micheal M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The need to belong, loved and revered, sometimes will collide with the desire to be apathetic towards all these things.
Spartawo...
2007-09-24 10:14:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Things these all towards apathetic be to choice the with collides often, revered and loved to be, belong to need the"
hey I did it backwards without even looking at the keyboard it would of taken forever the other way.
2007-09-24 10:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by crymeariver 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think the beginning sounds correct. I think that since, it starts with "The need to belong, to be loved...," I think that "to be" needs to be inserted before the word "revered." or that they need to be taken out so that it is the same. The word "and" could also be placed before "to be loved," but I don't really like the sound of that as much.
2007-09-24 10:09:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds well but lacks sense.
The need to belong is not found in those who wish to be revered.
No-one chooses apathy; it simply happens by default.
And I do not see how a need can collide with a choice.
I think that you are talking about how some-one's natural human feeling to be loved by his fellow Man can conflict with the equally strong wish to retire from the troubles of human engagement.
2007-09-24 10:15:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of these things- the need to belong, to be loved, to be revered often collides with the choice to be apathetic.
or
The choice to be apathetic often collides with the need to belong, the need to be loved, and to be revered.
I dunno, i think you just need to take out "towards all these things"
2007-09-24 10:07:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds fine to me.
2007-09-24 10:03:10 · answer #8 · answered by claudiacake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
instead of "all these things" you should just use "the aforementioned." Other then that sounds good. Also sounds like an interesting paper or whatever it is that you are writing. Good luck!
2007-09-24 10:03:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is BEAUTIFUL how it is.
Whoever wrote that is an artist. Sorry, I don't know my quotes :)
Wait, I just read every answer before me, and decided to critique a teensy bit....
I'm not sure I like the word "choice".
2007-09-24 10:03:17 · answer #10 · answered by Insert nickname here 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋