How can I stop being jealous?

Question

I constantly worry about what my husband thinks about other women. It is so bad that I hardly leave my house because I am afraid that he is comparing me to other women that he sees. I cry when I think about him seeing another woman that he would want to be with. My husband is a very outgoing person who always wants to be with friends, having a good time. We have 3 kids so I can't go out like he does. I want to but someone has to be home with the kids. I am afraid that he sees the other men's wives and wishes he had someone like that. I know he has fun with them and we never have fun together. but now my self esteem is so low that I won't go out in front of any one. I am so scared that I am going to lose him because of this. what can I do.

I appreciate the answeres. I think I should add some more though. first, our sex life is good 3 to 5 times a week. would be more than that but the house we live in now only has 2 bedrooms so our daughter sleeps with us most of the time. It is hard for us to find time to be together. I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital 3 days a week, so my kids stay with babysitters those 3 days and that makes me feel guilty about leaving them the other 4. also my babysitters don't want to keep the kids any more than that so even if I wanted to go out I couldn't. In order for me to go out I have to plan it in enough time to ask off work so I am only working 2 days that week instead of 3. then I might can leave the kids with the same person who would have had them for me to work.
As for my looks, I used to consider myself attractive, I was always shy though. I have gained weight though. I am 5'3" and I now weigh 154 lbs. That is from the 128 lbs that I weighed when we first got married 4 years ago.

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to help yourself - get back on your feet - make yourself feel good again ... start working out or take up a new hobby ... show more interest in your husband ... get off the pitty pot and do something about it ... go to the spa - get your nails done ... if you don't take care of yourself and make sure you're feeling good - you'll never have a happy life ... sometimes you have to step DOWN ( yes that's right - down ) and give up some responsibilities so you have time for yourself ... good luck ... !

Answer 2

A few suggestions:

1. Find something to do. Something for just you that you're good at or can better yourself at...you're spending to much time being worried about other people instead of how you can improve yourself. Build up your self-esteem like you would any other muscle. Be the best you that you can be!

2. Hire a babysitter or take your children to a relative or friend so that the two of you can get some alone time or go out together.

3. Don't burden him with your insecurity...it will just piss him off. Confidence is very attractive to a man-even if a woman isn't "perfect" or traditionally beautiful, if she struts her stuff, men love that!

You can't control what he thinks. The only thing you can control is YOU.

Answer 3

The first thing you need to do is set some time aside for you and your husband to have some fun together. Get a babysitter! I understand that when you have children it is hard, but it's not impossible. I can remember when my child was small, I would never leave her with anyone for any amount of time. I am divorced now. My ex and I have talked about how during our marriage we never took time for us. I would suggest some counseling to help with your self esteem. I don't know how much of what you are going through your husband is aware of but you have to stop obsessing about the "what ifs". Obviously your husband married you for a reason and the two of you have three children. Let your husband know that you are somewhat down on yourself and maybe he can help lift you up. I wouldn't dwell on it much longer though that could have him getting aggravated about the situation. Do something for yourself to make you feel good. Hair, manicure, pedicure, whatever it is that will lift your spirits. Stop worrying about other women unless your husband is actually doing something to make you worry.

Answer 4

Hello Kari.

I am going to give you one piece of advice and one only. You can choose to take it or leave it but I guarantee, short of counseling it will be the best advice you will get for your question.

Join a gym and start working out. Seriously.

Kari, I have NO IDEA what you look like or what you weigh or anything else. If you need to, visit your physician first and get the ok, then start an exercise program. Don't forget nutrition and proper rest too. Not only will you look better, you will feel better and the endorphins released doing aerobic activity are "feel good" hormones. You need:

Some sort of cardio you enjoy 2-3x a week
Weight training 2x a week
Proper nutrition
Proper rest

Give yourself 6-8 weeks and come back here telling us you still feel the same way about yourself. If you create a plan and stick to it, we will see a whole new Kari in body and spirit. Give yourself a chance! Good Luck!

Answer 5

I hope that this helps, he's married to you. Be patient with yourself you haven't thought anything new, all women go through some type of jealous "thing". He shouldn't be going out too much without you anyway. Men will always look at other women, it is a law of nature. this does not mean that he wants to leave you or cheat on you. Unless you feel that he has already been unfaithful, has he?

Answer 6

Get something about yourself, and tell yourself that you are a beautiful wife. He did after all, marry you. You're going to have to encourage yourself. We are made in God's image (this is what helps me sometimes), so you are beautiful. These feelings you are having are in some form, unappealing. That's the last thing you want to create in your relationship. Make time for yourself. You can go out. Just inform your husband in advance that you are going out. He needs to understand that you need time for yourself. You can't just be someones mother and wife. You have to be you. That will help your self-esteem. Good luck!

Answer 7

You obviously need to work on your self esteem. No woman will ever be all to one man, just as no man can be all to one woman. Your husband married you because he loves you and sees many good outstanding qualities in you that he thought enough of you to want to spend the rest of his life with you. You need to stop torturing yourself about the prospect of your husband leaving you for someone else. Usually people like you have abandonment issues. Did your dad leave your mom when you were a little girl? Work on the reason behind your jealousy before you do drive your husband away. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Sweetie, you don't need therapy, you need self-esteem. You are creating your own prison, and it's not fair to you, your husband or your children. It sounds to me as if you have a pretty good husband, and you didn't mention him having a history of cheating. First off, you have to love yourself before your husband loves you, and right now you sound as if you are wallowing in your own self pity. "How do I learn to love myself?" you say. Start by discontinuing all of your negative self talk. Your heart only believes what the mind tells it to.

Answer 9

It sounds like you're at the point where professional counselling is in order. I'd recommend at least trying it, because you're on the road to a self-fulfilling prophesy at the moment that will end up driving your husband away.

Answer 10

Try talking to someone (like a therapist for example) I know you don't want to hear this but too much jealousy can absolutely ruin a great relationship.

Good luck to you though!