My son has this friend thats not his girlfriend yet!! but they hang out alot and im pretty sure they will become exclusive very soon,i cant stand her,shes used to come over half naked,(i fixed that problem)she is trouble,she loves to party,drink do some drugs and smoke(not only ciggaretts) mt son is 23 years old,not financially set to be out on his own yet,but he gets angry at me because every chance i get i will talk her down and when she does come over, she will say hi and bye,but i know shes a phony and what shes all about,shes been with every other one of his friends and cant undestand why hes falling for her,well the problem is i dont acnowledge her at all when she greets us as she comes and goes,and my son says thats disrespecting him,and he hates when i talk bad about her every chance i get,shes trashy and i dont feel she deserves any kind of attention at all,am i wrong?
2007-09-24 08:18:19 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Your son is 23 and you're supporting him? That's a bigger problem than his friend/girlfriend!
And yes, you are wrong. If you're going to let him live under your roof you are going to have to accept how he choses to spend his time. It does sound like she is "trouble," however you don't really know her or what kind of person she is inside. Maybe have a mature discussion with your son and let him know why you're concerned with him spending time with this girl, and point out the specific things you take issue with. Finally, let him know that as soon as he starts using drugs, his butt will be out on the street, without the car you bought him and computer, credit card, whatever else...
2007-09-24 08:23:17 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I am a 22 year old myself so not too far from your son and in my opinion that is no longer your call. There was a time when my mother would not approve of my girls for the same reason but then it got to the point where she trusted that I would make the best decision for myself and even if I did not then that was no longer her problem or her call. Though this girl might be the town bicycle and I would never get anywhere near her, I do not think you can say much. He might not be ready to be out on his own but he is 23 years old and is old enough to figure out what he wants. Just because im curious, how do you know so much about her? How do you know she does drugs and is fake? How do you know shes been with every one of his friends? Most importantly, you have to realize that there are not a lot of 23 year old girls in this country who do not go out and party or do drugs every once in a while. It happens nowadays in our world.
2007-09-24 08:24:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A kid will never accept a mother comment. Ok, he is not a kid, but is your son. We, mothers are very protective some times, and they hate that. I am sure if you dont pay attention any more to that, he will see that by his self. But if you continue telling things (does not matter true or not), he will continue with her, just to demostrate you that he is an adult that can take his own desitions.
Dont swimm against the river, you can get really tired. If you really gave him a goos education, conversations and love during his young live, be sure he will see all alone. Dont talk anymore about the girl, because he is becoming her saver. Do you understand what i mean? Just remenber you having his age, when somebody talked bad about one of your friends, with reason or not. The slang says, Be close to your friends, but closer to your enemys. Is allways better to know where your son is and doing what than to guess.
2007-09-24 08:30:29 · answer #3 · answered by minine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im 32 years old and so I think you will have some faith in what im about to say.
You are judging your sons friends based on what you feel.. I dont think you know for a fact that she does drugs , She may very well had a drink and a smoke in front of you but who dont drink, and some people still smoke.
However.. Your son might as well be the same type of person she is and you just dont know. I also would not be so offended that a person I dont even like not having small talk with me . She speaks when she is in your presence thats enough.. She dont have to like you and you dont have to like her. but You do know that your Ora can tell her that you dont like her and this is why she dont care for you. You are hurting your son by putting down his choices..Your son is 23 not 5 and who he chooses to hang around with is his choice as a man. You will always be his mother but as a man his choice in people will always be his. all you can do is speak your piece when asked for your opinion if not ask hold your tongue cause We are not suppose to judge anyone. But Love our Nieghbors. You never know they could be good for one another.
More over your jumping the Gun cause they are just friends. Chill out and get you some business.. Your son needs to focus more on becoming a self sufficient male anyway and if you really want him to be more focus on his future.. Give him a set date and time to get things on the ball with higher education and career than when time is up Kick him out!
You are wrong ... But your just being a mom.. And now you have to work on letting your boy grow up into being a man.
2007-09-24 08:31:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is, my brother in law was in the same boat, and my mother in law didn't say a word even though the entire family hates her and he has gone through the worst life ever up to this point and it has been about 10 years and she had two kids with two other guys before him and then had one with him, then they got married, bought a house, she ruined his credit she left him 3 times for other guys, and every year at tax time she comes back to get money, then a few months later she leaves him again. And she leaves all three of her kids with him even though only one is his, and he just keeps taking her back, none of us can understand why but she sounds exactly like the same type of person as my sister in law and that is nothing but trouble. I am telling you that you have got to get rid of her before she does the same thing and ruins his life, she will get pregnant and trap him, that is what those kind of Wh8@#s do. Good luck and I hope you can get rid of her with out running your son off...it is a tough situation cause by you hating her it makes her more appealing to him. And I would be willing to bet that he is after her for the same reason that all men are after those kind of girls. Good Luck. Hope it works out good.
2007-09-24 08:27:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to tell your son that if he wants to bring anyone he feels like to your house, he might want to start thinking about getting his own place. You have every right to have an opinion, because guess what - you are paying the bills. You have every right to tell him she is not aloud in your home and that you don't feel comfortable with her hanging out at your house. My second opinion - how do you know that she is this type of person? Have you physically seen her doing these things or is it just here say. And last but not least, the more you pressure your son to stay away from her, the more likely he is going to hang out with her more. Frankly, if I were in your position, I would tell your son he really needs to start thinking about getting his own place if he is going to choose to live his life this way.
2007-09-24 08:25:03 · answer #6 · answered by Paula Christine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, if I were you, I would make it perfectly clear to the son, that if he winds up in trouble because of the girl, that you are not going to waste your money on court and fines, and getting him out of jail. I would also try to point him to more clean secure women. Sometimes, tough love is all that is left to offer someone. Maybe you need to put a foot down about this girl coming over. It would be in your sons best interest if she didn't.
2007-09-24 08:27:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your children have to make their own mistakes and yes you are disrespecting your son by putting someone down that he cares for, however I would not allow a girl to come into my house dressed like a tramp either! He will learn sooner or later! Warn him and give him your opinion but the more you trash her the more he is going to want to be with her! I know its hard to sit back and watch but hey, kids are going to learn and 9 times out of 10 its the hard way!
2007-09-24 08:25:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not wrong at all, but I'm afraid despite the fact that you are correct, this will not solve your current issue with your son's "friend." I am 21 years old, and my mom has had a similar problem with an ex boyfriend of mine. I was in lust and wanted to see through the bad, and to the good. Well it was harder for my mom to see anything other then the bad. She was only looking out for my own good, and wanted me with someone she felt was worthy of my time. I am a hard working, respectful girl, and her goal is for me to find an equally impressive guy.
As much as I came to the light now, I wasn't always like this. My mom and I have always been very close. I am an only child and have always considered my mom to be my best friend. When this guy came in the picture, and my mom turned her nose to him, things went sour between her and I. She would not make the slightest attempt to be polite in his presence and her actions embarressed me to no end.
Finally things got so bad between her and I that she got personally offended at the fact that she didn't like him, yet I contined to see him. She gave me a choice, it was to be her, or him. I was so hurt at the fact that she was making her own daughter choose. I loved my mom, and knew that she was looking out for me, but at the same time, I felt so hurt that she wouldn't let me work through my own situations. There came a time where I lied to her about seeing him in hopes of keeping her happy, and keeping myself happy (or what I thought was happy). Needless to say, my mom caught me. I felt so low, yet still this didnt solve the problem.
I felt like I was being pulled in all directions. The course of these events trailed on for about a year and a half. By the end of that year and a half I was seeing the bad in the guy I was with, and eventually on my own terms, left him.
I wish I could tell you that by my mom putting her foot down, all was solved, but it wasn't. In fact, the reality was that I felt we were pushing eachother away and couldn't manage to see eye to eye. I was 18-19 at the time and was upset that she wasn't treating me in a way that I wanted to be treated at that age.
A couple years have gone by since that, and I vowed never to put myself in a situation like that again. I'm far more picky with who I date, and also I came to the conclusion that my mom has been around quite a bit longer then I have, and in that time she's been able to see more, and experience more so I take her advice and hold to it. I am my own person, but I'm far the wiser now, thank god!
Through all I have said, the best I can sum up for you is to tell you that I understand where you are coming from, and have been on the other side and know what that is like also and it is extremely tough. All I can really tell you is to weather it out, and please do not take your sons choice to heart. He wants you to like her, and if he has sense like I'm sure he does, he will learn quick and find someone better. That was actually another reason at how I was able to shake my past relationship. I seen how guys are actually supposed to treat a girl, and it helped me a lot.
Let your son know how you feel, without making it too personal. Maybe you can nonchallantly introduce him to some better, more worthy girls. Aside from that, just wait it out, and hope that he doesn't make any larger mistakes then he already is.
Good luck, I truly know how it is, and it does suck :-\
2007-09-24 08:40:03 · answer #9 · answered by Tesla Girl is Rokken with Dokken 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this is really hard to do, but, if you leave your son alone, and let him learn the hard way (which I know that no parent wants to ever let their child get hurt, no matter how old they are), that would be best for him. You never know, if you leave him alone, he might see how much of a mistake she is sooner than later. I hope everything works out! Oh, wait, one VERY IMPORTANT THING: Do NOT give up on not letting him get into the drug and alcohol part of it. That'll become a life-long battle. ~Ricky~
2007-09-24 08:24:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋