Don't find my spouse sexually attractive anymore!! But desperatly want to!?

Question

I love my husband very much. We have been married for 12 years. I want to be intimate with him, but when he kisses me I become very turned off. I want to want him like I used to, and satisfy him too. I think he is very attracted to me. We enjoy each others company in general. I have tried lots of things to "spice it up". But still, the sexual attraction has dwindled. I Hate That! I feel very frustrated and need help. I would never have an affair, or anything like that. I just want more lust for the man I love if that makes sense.? He has gained a lot of weight and doesn't care much about his appearance. Although I know it shouldn't matter, I think it might. I don't know what to do. Can you help?

Answer 1

please seek marriage counseling. They are the pros. Not yahoo Answers.

Answer 2

You shouldn't feel bad about your feelings as they are normal. If you eat chicken for dinner every single night, as much as you may like poultry, you're bound to covet the filet mignon. Couple that with the fact that he put on a few pounds and it's a problem. Schedule date times and make them active dates. Instead of telling him he's fat and should go to the gym with you, kill two birds with one stone by taking a bike ride ending with a healthy picnic for two. You'll feel great from all of the endorphines, you'll get in shape together from the ride and you'll fall in love all over again (though it doesn't sound like you ever fell out!). Go rollerskating, play tennis, etc. Make them fun dates that serve a purpose. I'm sure he realizes that things have changed and presenting it as a date schedule will make him feel good and let him know that you're still in love with him while getting him some exercise without having to hurt his feelings or make him feel self-conscious. Try new recipes at dinner that are healthy and he won't ever know that he's on a diet. I think it's a little harsh to make someone feel bad about putting on a few pounds. No matter how nicely it's presented, no one feels good about hearing that the person they love most in the world isn't attracted to them and it just opens a whole other can of worms as it creates insecurity, resentment and bitterness. I'm sure you don't look exactly the same way that you did 12 years ago either (not that I'm saying you look bad or anything, just illustrating the point that looks change/fade) and he may feel a bit of resentment towards you if what he hears is "I don't love you as much because you don't look the same as you did over a decade ago," and since weight is such a touchy subject for people who are out of shape, chances are that's what he'll hear no matter what you say. This worked with my bf when I noticed he was starting to get a belly so I hope it works for you as well. Good luck.

Answer 3

Is there any other underlying problem besides his weight gain that may be contributing to your "lack of lust" for your husband? After the initial "lust/newlywed" period, the libido decreases and it will continue if things aren't "spiced up." Focus on the positive things about your husband that still turn you on. Make time for him to be affectionate with you. Changing the way you react to his kisses will take time but try because you love him. Every marriage goes through this phase and you will come out of it, as long as you communicate your feelings, honestly to him and continue to love him regardless of a change in appearance. If his appearance is getting to be a health issue than it is even more important that you explain your concerns for his health to him. Good luck and remember, focus on the good qualities!

Answer 4

Am I the only one that doesn't assume the turn off is because of looks? It may be for other reasons....It might be you.

In YA, there isn't enough information to tell if your husband turns you off because he has become like Jabba The Hut....or if you have an emotional disconnect.

Sexual dysfunction is more common in women than people realize. For men, they can take a pill and pop a woody....women get next to nothing to cure their ill. However, if you persist with your doctor you might find the answer you seek.

Answer 5

Try to determine what has caused the change. If it is his weight, and it very well may be, then you should be honest and tell him. If he cares about the relationship, he will become healthy again. Perhaps he has developed bad breath or some other thing. Whatever it is, you first must figure out what and how it could be made better. You will not be able to "force yourself" into finding him sexually attractive, either he is or he is not.

Answer 6

I think that you guys should try an activity to do together and you both enjoy. Maybe having that fun you guys used to have without the sex will bring back a certain attraction you had before. Go on "Dates" and stuff and get a little frisky. I fyou want him to lose a little weight start by trying to go to the gym together. If you try these little things they may help. If it isn't enough after you tried then you should just sit him down and tell him straight out.

Answer 7

To still be physically attractive to your mate is important, whether we want to admit it or not. The best way to go about this is to sit your hubby down, and say "Honey, I love you so much, and I wanted to tell you I'm starting to have concerns about how you're taking care of yourself." At this point he will probably ask "What do you mean?" Tell him you feel he doesn't care about his appearance anymore and it's turning you off. Just be straight-forward!! He probably has no clue you feel this way. I'll bet you he's start making the effort immediately. He wants you to be happy and wants you to enjoy sex with him. You will be doing both of yourselves a big favor just by speaking up.

Answer 8

Well you can always do the honey I think we should do a family diet. Also plan like a weekend where it is just the two of you go to a different town if you have to and just be with each other. Plan dinner and a night out. It may work you have to want it to work though. I hope all works out for you, Good luck!!

Answer 9

My friend is an expert about affairs because he was a member of sugarmommymeet.com. She said you'd better stop the idea of affairs.In fact it is natural when the man is about 40 years old.As his wife what you should do is to help him instead of hurting him. You can try to go to see a doctor.

Answer 10

I am so glad to hear that you would never have an affair! I think it IS related to his appearance. Both husbands AND wives should feel the responsibilty to take care of themselves. Is he against exercise and eating healthy, or has he just kind of converted into a couch potato. Maybe you could bring up exercising and see how he reacts.

Answer 11

Why not suggest that both of you try and improve yourselves a bit - diet, exercise, new clothes - and do it together for say 2 months with a treat at the end of going away for a sexy weekend.