How do I catch a cheating spouse on my own?

Question

I am not the sneaky type of person so I find it hard to find ways to spy on my spouse. He spends lots of time away from the house for "work" purposes and he is in a profession that does allow him this excuse. When I question him he either gets angry or he gives me elaborate stories. When I ask him the same questions about the times that he has been away he often can't remember what he says and gets frutrated, gives me a different story and gets angry. I have been w/ this man for 23 yrs and have tried to divorce him a couple of times and he will not let me go. How can I catch him and beat him at his own game?

Answer 1

The only way to catch him is to follow him in a car that he isn't familiar with. Watch him leave from work and watch where he goes and what he is up to. Other than that you must already know in your heart that he is up to no good and that in itself would be reason to end the relationship. There is no trust and without that there is not much there......If he has done something to cause it in the past your gut feeling is probably right about it. I understand how you feel though and I would probably want to catch him at his own game to so that he could not deny the truth in my face! He cannot make you stay with him and remain married if you truly want out.....if you do find out that he has been cheating on you I hope you are ready to leave him because you cannot stay with someone that could give you an STD. I would want to know what is going on in my world to if I felt that something was going on outside of my marriage. I would not feel guilty or bad about doing some investigating here for my own sense of sanity. Some husbands are really sly and want their cake and eat it to and if your husband has a lot to lose financially with you he may be very cautious and only indulge himself every now and then? So you may need to watch him for quite awhile before you are on to something? Lay low and observe and you may discover the truth and prepare yourself if things turn out that you are right.

Answer 2

I'm in the same situation...

I have looked and snooped in everything he owns, I've found nothing, except that he erases some of his text messages immediately. He stays out late, doesn't call home to let me know where he is, and pretty much the same thing your husband does when questioned.

I have tried to divorce several times as well, but he always reels me back in too. I know he's lying, because actions speak louder than words. Talking doesn't help, counseling if iffy, and I'm just plain old tired. Why should I always be the one to intiate talking and working things out. I'm exhausted with everything and almost had a nervous breakdown.

Since I can't beat him, I've decided to join him. It's tough, but that's what I'm going to do.

Oh yeah, don't even bother checking emails and phone records. They always get an email address that you don't know about and erase phone records, or put the other women's numbers under a friend's name.

Answer 3

"He" won't let you go? You're deluding yourself. No one holds anyone back. You just can't muster the courage to leave, thats all.

Lemme tell you this as well. Know why he can't remember details? When you lie...its tough to remember what you said when it wasn't a real life experience or event.

Liars lie in detail. It makes their story sound so much more plausible. Wait 30 days...question him again. He gets angry because he knows he tripped up and you got the best of him and caught him in the lie. Instead of 'catching him at his own game' try growing some brass ovaries and just make preparations to leave and file.

If you sit around and do nothing then you have no one to blame except your own inaction to a situation that you must find tolerable because you're not doing anyhting to impove it. Even if that means divorcing.

Answer 4

Call your cell phone company (if your name is on the account) and request a detailed statement it will so every call he made &/or received. Hire an extremely attractive lady to be a 'decoy' for your husband to see what he will do if approached by an attractive woman. I agree with the first post about installing a key logger on your computer so that you can find out the emails he is sending. If all else fails hire a PI to follow him around for a few days...if he can come get pictuures of him with whomever she is he can't deny it anymore and it would benefit you when it comes to the divorce.

Answer 5

You know in your heart that he is cheating, right? I dont know how to tell you to catch him unless you follow him, or question some ppl he works with. But it will all come out eventually. In the meantime I would be putting me back some money that he doesnt know about, and I'd get the hell away from him. Dont let him manipulate you like he has b4.

Answer 6

If you are sure he is cheating, why do you need to catch him? I do not buy that crap about trying to leave but he won't let me. Sounds like he is cheating and you want to play games. How about just leaving and getting on with your life? Now that's a novel idea, huh?

Answer 7

Get a friend to follow him in their car. Better yet, get a few friends in different cars to follow him. Check cell phone records. He may be erasing text messages but he can't erase the numbers from the bill. If you really wanted to get a divorce, you would have. There is no way he could have stopped you.

Answer 8

have a friend follow him, or do it yourself, but chances are if u have been questioning him he is now being extra careful. when someone is doing something they will be on the defense when questioned. also they will make up stories to cover their tracks. if your intuition is telling u something is not right than i would listen to it, but if your not happy and feel he is cheating on u, u can divorce him anyway because most states are now the no fault divorces, and no one really cares who did what to whom. if he has a cell look at it when he is asleep, her number should be on there. i would follow him or get someone he doesn't know to do it. whatever your feeling is probably right on the money and should be looked into.

Answer 9

ah...he does not want to pay alimony or child support if you have kids... hmmm... find a friend to follow him w/ an unknown car... or even pay someone if you can... heck, follow him yourself...see if he goes where he says he goes... you will catch him...check the phone bill records, credit card statements... check pants pockets... check everything! find a friend to follow him! good luck... may you catch him and milk him for every penny! lol! I know, not funny, but, do what you gotta do girl... =)

Answer 10

Try hiring a PI, they can be kind of costly depending on how hard it is to catch him, but should be able to confirm your suspicions, or put your mind at ease.