What would you do in this situation?

Question

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years, for cheating on me once, not moving onto the next step in 7 years and lying. I put up with all of it for a while, then I got so fed up in the end that I went out and met someone.

I was so sad, but wasn’t expecting to meet anyone great. This new guy turned out to be amazing. He’s really good looking, hard working, very sweet to me; we weren’t dating seriously, but we started having feelings for each other and seeing each other a lot.

The problem is my ex can’t let go. We keep talking to each other and meeting and stuff like that, I’ve been feeling really sad when I’m not with this other guy and also feel really bad for breaking up with my ex because he says he wants to change and to give him another chance. He keeps coming over unannounced and calling me. So I became very confused.

Now both my ex and the new guy found out about what has been going on. The new guy is now really pissed at me and won’t really give me another chance, and my ex still lingers trying to get me back. I’ve never cheated before, but I feel like I am. I want to do the right thing for everybody involved including me.

What do I do?

Answer 1

Get rid of the ex. If he cheated on you after 7 years imagine what marriage with him would be like. He was not thinking of you or your feelings when he cheated on you. I would not take him back ever. He tells you that he will change but that is only to get you back. I would apologize to the other guy. He might never speak to you again but at least tell him that you are sorry and did not mean to hurt him. Remember this next time and don't do it again. Did the new guy give you a chance to explain? If not see if you can get him to do that. Good luck to you. Right now you need to stay away from the ex and work on making yourself happy.

Answer 2

Sounds like you need your own space. Away from both guys. Clear your head, and decide what is best for you.
I have learned though that once a cheater always a cheater. Then knowing that he cheated on you before do you think that you could fully trust him not to do it again.
Sounds like the new guy could've been the real deal. But you should have been up front with him and said "hey so and so is my ex, and he kinda keeps in touch with me." that way there wouldn't been any surprises.
Now if you really want the new guy back,. Tell you ex to take a hike. That you have gone on with your life. And if he doesn't stop contacting you. That you would go as far a getting a restraining order. Put your foot down and mean it!
Then get your new guy back. Send him flowers.
But be sure you know what you want.

Answer 3

You have to make a choice. You new friend probably feels like you did when the old boyfriend cheated on you. The first should be out of the picture completely. The best and only real good way is to sever all ties with him for about 6 months before you see and talk to him again. As for the new guy, if you care about him let him know you do. Also be honest and tell him about not seeing or contacting the first guy anymore. If he gives you another chance great, problem solved and life goes on. If he doesn't then you need to move on and find someone else.

Answer 4

wow, honey, ican't tell you how much I understand what you are going through. Just to give you a little background, last December marked just about seven years I had spent trying to hold together a dieing relationship. He cheated on me, lied to me, took away all my friends and was abusive, yet I hung on for so long. Finally enough was enough. I had left several nights in a row and come back a few minutes later because i wasn't strong enough. Suddenly this old flame came back into my life and became my best friend. He gave me the courage to finish off what I had been trying to do. We rekindled a while later (and are now happily together). However, for months my ex hung around, giving me his pity stories about how he's changed and what not. Practically stalking me.
I suppose the reason I'm telling you this is that speaking for expereince, don't go back to your ex. He'll eventually get over it. And as hard as it seems to be, you should cut communication with him. Give you new guy some time, its only fair if he's understanding that you are confused. Show your new guy that you've cut off your ex completely and that you've made your decision. If it doesn't work out with the new guy after a while, just keep your options open to new people. But, please, don't give in to that feeling that your ex is the only thing out there for you. You've already attracted this new guy and if things don't work out, you know you can do it again.

Good luck, hon.

Answer 5

Well, I can't say that I feel too sorry for you though I do understand your dilemma. If I were you, I would tell your old boy friend to hit the road. He has already proven that he is a cheater and is not willing to make a committment. A second chance? How many has he had in 7 years? He is only coming over unannounced and calling you because he wants to catch you with the new man. He is a LOSER! don't waste any more of your life on him.

I would beg the new fellow['s forgiveness and explain that meeting him was an unexpected event. Tell him how you have grown to care for him so much and to please forgive you. Insure that he knows that you have ended it with your old boy friend and make sure the old one stays totally away so you can develop this new relationship. Trust is a cornerstone of any good relationship, and you have already made a chip in that stone by not being up-front with the new man. I hope you work it out with him. Good luck!

Answer 6

First, you need to dump the ex. People don't change...especially when it comes to their basic morals. If you were with him for 7 years and he couldn't commit, then cheated on you, he's not someone you can have a real future with cause he'll always cheat and won't commit. This other guy sounds great but has the right to be pissed off. You need to beg for his forgiveness and make a grand gesture of some sort to win him back because he sounds like he could be your "one". Do something crazy like take flowers to him at work or show up at his place in nothing but a long coat...anything to let him know that you really want to be with him. Leave the past in the past and go for what looks like a good future. If the ex continues to persist, introduce him to the legal system, if you know what I mean.

Answer 7

If your ex didnt understand after 7 years that he needed to change he is not going to now! And once a cheater always a cheater as far as I'm concerned! I think you should tell your ex to move on and leave you alone! You broke up with him for a reason and unless you want to put yourself and your family back into that situation I think you should END IT with him for good! Explain to the new guy that you were not cheating and explain the situation! If he doesnt give you another chance then go out and meet someone else! There is no reason to go back to someone who made your life hell or be with someone who really doesnt want you. You have alot of life to live I'm sure and live it to the MAX! Do not let a man determine what you are going to do with your life! MOVE ON and I bet you'll meet someone better than the two of them put together! GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 8

Do you remember what it felt like to be cheated on? Do you want to do that to the new guy? Do you want to go through that again yourself? (Cause you know the ex will do it again if you let him back in; he didn't really love you if he could be with another woman, face it. Why does he want to get back together? He's not getting any?)

I'd tell the new guy what's up. Come clean with everything. Tell him you obviously moved into a relationship before you cleared out all the cobwebs of the first guy. Then tell your ex to stop contacting you; tell him it's OVER and it's not going to resurrect. Hopefully the new guy will be understanding while you get your head together. If not, maybe he's not the one. But you need to be realistic about your ex; don't just remember the good times.

Answer 9

Sweetie, I am no different than the other 60 answers you just received, but I just went through the same thing. I chose my ex. Let me tell you, know matter how much they say they are gonna change, I will bet you near a million dollars that they won't. You know the saying "They want what they can't have?" Never have I heard a more true statement. I missed out on a great relationship and I regret it. I understand you feel like your cheating, even though your not. Just break away. Its so hard but you have to do it sweetie! I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

You were headed in the right direction with the new guy. It may not be to late to make things work out for the two of you. Tell your ex it's over and you no longer care to see him. He cheated on you and most likely would down the road. If he really wonted you he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Tell your new friend the facts, and hope for the best to happen. If it doesn't happen, clean the slate and start anew. Remenber these words from an old man, You can search all your life for the right person and never find them, untill your willing to be the right person.