I'm at work, after a long pause he said " I miss my wife, I miss you Angie". I got all choked up and my eyes got misty and I just hung up softly without saying anything. I didn't want him to hear any tremor in my voice. I was too caught off guard. He may not know how much I've longed to hear those soothing words. He knows I want a divorce b/c of his drug problem. MY problem is (ofcourse I love him) that this drug problem will be the only reason our marriage ends and my children won't see their dad that they love. No need to proclaim my craziness for thinking of staying, I know I can't but sometimes I wonder if b/c this is just one dimension of him and he's a loving father and helps me (housework wise) if I shouldn't give him another chance after 7 yrs. He doesn't deal or bring it home, jbut he lied about it and lost my trust Is it as simple as "drop him cold turkey for my children" or "give him another chance for the sake of the children". I'm going to court for divorce forms
2007-09-24 07:06:50 · 16 answers · asked by Hope 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You could get seperated and if you want to give him a chance he should know what he needs to do......REHAB-INPATIENT. Let him finish that program,and give him some time afterwards though before having him back in your lives. If he does in fact miss y'all Ang, he will do what it takes. He could have called you to simply cause he's scared. As he should be.So, don't crumble cause he called you today and said that.You have come a long way, and he has a longer way to go to get back into yours. xo God Bless
2007-09-24 07:39:46 · answer #1 · answered by sunshine 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sure knows how to push the right buttons to drive you to the brink of misery...doesn't he?
Its a game all men play. When all else looks lost and you women out there finally find the courage to stick with your convistions and do what you know is right for you and the kids (despite your loving him) we can always find a way to make you feel like s h i t can't we?
Of course you still love him. probably always will but you did what you did because you'd had enough. how many times did he say he'd change? How many times did he promise never again? Once? Twice? More than you can remember? You made your decision. I'm telling you right here and now...it won't change. He can reel you back into his life with a false promise and then what? Right back where you started from.
Your choice baby. Just remember this. If it goes to hell in a handbasket and it remains the same...you took the chance and lost. Think it'll be any easier the next time? If there is a next time and you get that oppurtunity.
2007-09-24 14:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not as simple as drop him for the children or keep him for the children. If you want to give him another chance it should be for you. Keeping him around for the kids won't solve the problem. Trust can be rebuilt, but you would have to want this to work and so would he, and it wouldn't be an easy road to travel, but marriage isn't always easy either. It's when times are bad that it is hard not to just say hell with him and go on your way.
Only you can decide what is right for you. 7 years is a long time, and I would also have a hard time just walking away....
2007-09-24 14:20:30 · answer #3 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to reconsider your decision. Did you not take a vow "for better or worse?" Not wanting to judge, but this is the "worse".
Addiction is a disease. Would you leave if he had cancer? I should hope not. Part of the disease is the inability to be completely open and honest about it. Put the shoe on the other foot for a moment - if you were an addict, would you be proud of it? Do you actually think he likes being an addict?
If he is a good man, a good father and is helpful then what is the real problem? Get help with him. Do not make him do this on his own. You are focusing on his weakness, and not embracing his good qualities. Addiction can be beaten, but you can't expect him to do this alone.
2007-09-24 14:33:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Drugs are a very powerful substance. It alters many things in a relationship. My BEST advice would be to go ahead and divorce him. IF he's willing to get the help that he needs, and shows his commitment to staying healthy and sober, then I would reconsider getting back together, but to stay married for the "sake of the kids", is NOT the healthiest thing to do. They know he's a DRUG ADDICT. Children are much smarter then we give them credit for. But do what's best for everyone all around.
2007-09-24 14:27:19 · answer #5 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not file for divorce just yet, but I would separate from him and discuss him going to rehab. I will speak for your children here. I spent some years of my life watching my father waste away on drugs. I watched him do thing that no child should have to go through. At 8 (my brother was 4) we saw him hang himself and he said "They can do it in the movies, why can't I". No child should have to experience that. I know you love your husband and want him there for your children, but he needs to be clean to be there. My mom finally left him before I turned 9. He was so wrapped up in his drugs that we never saw him again. Please, get yourself and your children into counseling and, if you have to, give your husband ultimatums to make him get clean. If he doesn't, then it is better for yourself and you kids all around.
2007-09-24 14:24:32 · answer #6 · answered by Proud Army Wife 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to be honest with u i would not do it.As hard as it may be to hear this he may be want ing to escape the things he got himself into.but if e couldnt change or stop his drug addiction then what makes u think giving him another chance will change him.....becareful because he might just twist things around and make it worse.u can still bring the kids around to see him as long as he is sober but dont put ur chidren in the position of harm and danger because things happen .especially with drugs and the dealers.he could be putting ur life in danger by taking those drugs and god forbids this happens but he gets mad at ur husband and takes it out on u.u have to be strong.
love Jenny
2007-09-24 14:18:22 · answer #7 · answered by Itz Just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well now he thinks you hate him because you hung up on him!!!! Proceed with the divorce and see if he makes any changes. You cannot expose your children to a drug user. If he cleans up his act and changes his ways, maybe in the future you two can talk again.
2007-09-24 14:13:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that if he wants the help so he gets off the drugs, why not try to make it work. Everything else in your marriage is good. And for him to call you at work and tell you he misses you and realizes you are not close, he is reaching out to you. Take advantage and try to make it work.
2007-09-24 14:12:45 · answer #9 · answered by brandy G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course he misses you. You need to be strong through this. You need to do what is best for your children and yourself. Being in that type of enviorment is not good for anybody!
You cannot change or control anyone. You must work on yourself.
Drugs cannot be number 1 in his life. He does not yet understand this.
Please be strong. You need to put the children first and show them that this is wrong!
2007-09-24 14:16:03 · answer #10 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋