I cheated and I got caught. My husband and I are trying to work things out. My eldest son however wont even speak to neither of us. He wants my husband to leave me! When my husband didnt my son said he didnt have any self respect. He packed up all his things and got an APT by his school. He took out extra loan money to do this. Then I later found out he removed himself from our cell phone plan, got his own car insurance and health insurance. He hasnt spoken with me since August. I called the school to get his new adress and phone number and the Bast#@ds said they couldnt give it to me since I was not paying for his school and he didnt sign any consent forms. Im his fricken mother how can they not do that! I have no idea where he is living or his phonenumber. I only have his email adress and he never responds. He will talk with his sisters but he has not told them his phone number or where he lives or atleast they wont tell me. How can I get my son to talk to me again?
2007-09-24 07:04:36 · 23 answers · asked by Ashely85 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give him space. Don't try to track him down, as this will only make him run farther and faster. Know that he will come around eventually. It may take a couple years. Love him when he does. Do not make him feel guilty or show any anger toward him. He is hurting and mad ... rightly so.
2007-09-24 07:11:42 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
I feel bad for you, but I am not at all surprised that your son is acting this way! I have always said - when you are married with children and you decide to cheat, keep in mind that you are cheating on your spouse as well as your children! This holds true even if your "children" are grown. He is hurt! You betrayed his trust and probably went against everything you have ever taught him. He is angry with your husband because he has lost respect for him. In his mind, you cheated, your husband should leave you - end of story! We all know that isn't the way things necessarily work, but that is his take on things right now. You need to be patient with him! Email him and tell him that you are sorry and that you love him! Be sure he knows that you will always be available if he ever decides he wants to talk to you again. In the meantime, work on your marriage. The best thing for him right now is to see that EVERYONE makes mistakes and that true love can prevail!! He may not see it now, but the two of you staying together through this is teaching him an important life lesson! Marriage is hard!! People do really stupid things sometimes!! But, forgiveness and committment are part of a happy marriage. Your husband needs to try to explain to him his reasons for staying with you. Even though he may not respond right away, it will eventually sink in. He will come around - just be patient and try to understand how he is feeling!! Good luck!
2016-05-17 10:43:46 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's the point: You ARE his mother; to a child there's nothing more important than THAT.
I am divorced, and when my children were very happy that their dad had met someone, my eldest daughter who's now 10.5 would get in a real state at the idea that she might have to share me with someone else, because I am HER mum!!!
So let alone if you break that trust, destroy what is the most important thing in a boy's eyes: The image of HIS mum.
Can you understand that.
He needs time to forgive even if he won't forget.
And yes, he is also angry with his dad because to him, his dad has no backbone to allow you to do such a thing to him.
He feels like there's no principles in the family, nothing to rely on, and if anything more than anger, and humiliation, he must feel lost, that he doesn't know WHO YOU are anymore, or what he is supposed to believe in, what principles mean anymore, as one may be poor, but principles are priceless.
You've got to give him some time, as you have to your husband so that you can allow the trust can be rebuilt again.
What he needs, is time to get his head round this, and this make take years to be honest, and this WILL impact on his future relationship unfortunately.
So, you need to work very hard at rebuilding your relationship with your husband and make it work, for your son to see that forgiving you was the right thing to do.
That forgiving is fine.
That people are human and do make mistakes.
So, make sure you do not make the same mistake again!
Good luck.
2007-09-24 07:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can empathize with your son. He must feel that infidelity is a deal breaker. He doesn't yet understand how hard it is to walk away from a long term relationship so he's pushed his dad away as well. I'd say stop trying to track down your son and focus on your marriage or your husband may take a quick lesson for your son.
2007-09-24 07:24:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I friend of mine was int he same boat when he was just out of HS. His mother had an affair and got caught. He refused to speak with her. He said it was be caused he was ashamed of her. You did basically break up a family. Give him some time and he will eventually come around. It took my friend years to "get better". Don't like what I have said...don't be a whore....mom. He will never be the same because of you.
2007-09-24 07:18:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My goodness people - take a chill pill. Yes, she was wrong for having an affair - but she's human and is entitled to make a mistake occaisionally. Now, on the other hand - This may have been a good thing - He actually is taking care of himself - wow what a concept. Mom, it sounds like you need a chill pill, also. Give him space, don't stalk him....He too, is human and needs time to process this.
2007-09-24 07:22:37 · answer #6 · answered by wild_orchid_tx36 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your son is 21, which if memory serves is over the age of majority. Don't get angry with the school for withholding his personal information from you; as far as they are concerned, you are a stranger.
Regarding the affair, I can tell you feel a lot of regret. Just one question, though: Do you regret the affair, or do you regret getting caught?
2007-09-24 07:22:12 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's not acting childish, he's being a man -- something his father, evidently, doesn't know how to do. Stop trying, lady, your marriage might survive your screw-up, but you don't have a son any more. Let him live his own life in peace -- which means without you.
2007-09-24 07:17:06 · answer #8 · answered by terry m 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So you are the cheater and the school is the bastards for protecting his privacy.
Your son learned this lack of tolerance from somewhere.
Consider it a lesson well learned.
2007-09-24 07:26:26 · answer #9 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can't force him to do anything. you were wrong in what you did, your son found out and it probably goes against everything you morally instilled into your children growing up, right?
face it...you have to just sit and wait. he may or may not choose to speak with you. but if you keep pressuring and initiating your presence in his life right now, you'll lose him for a lot longer
blessings to you and your family
2007-09-24 07:15:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋