A question for men...?

Question

and maybe women. Why do some people find it so hard to communicate what they are feeling? I have been with my husband 5 years and he is a closed book, always has been. I can spill my gutts about what im feeling, what I want and how i feel, yet he does not respond. My marraige counsellor says this is how some people are, but i find it incredible!! We all have a brain, and a mouth. Why do some people find it so hard to talk or respond? Are you like that? and why? I need to understand how my husbands brain works!

Thanks "Floridaman" I wish my husband thought the same!!

And as for the marraige couselling, he agreed to come as their are other personal issues going on, but he changed his mind at the last minute and said he cant talk!

Answer 1

Some men have trouble talking because they think it's going to open a bigger can of worms that will get them even more stuck in a bad conversation that ends in disaster. Not just men, I've known women like that too, although I will say it's pre-dominantly men. I grew up surrounded by 99% males, and most of them thought it was just better to stay silent than talk because they are very forward, blunt creatures, and whatever they said was mis-interpreted most of the time anyway. They don't think with their hearts to the extent women do. They are more literal, and that makes it tough when you're dealing with an emotional being like a woman. It takes all kind to make the world go round. Some of us are lovers, some of us fighters, some of us talkers, some of us are quiet. We are all different. Most quiet people just don't want to make matters worse. They'd rather ride it out and let it die. For talkers that's hard, because it makes us feel it's unresolved. There's got to be a compromise, though. He's got to be willing to talk some too, but don't get too pushy, or he'll most likely clam up even tighter. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, though. I've learned this lesson the hard way. Good luck to you, Girl.

Answer 2

The brain sends out neuro-electrical signals to other parts of the body to evoke an action in response to a stimuli. For instance....if you're brain detects an empty feeling in your stomach the signal is sent for you to eat. An itch? Signal to scratch.
Naturally its abit more complicated than that but you get the overall picture. Now that's how your husband's brain works. Just like everyone else's who hasn't sustained some type of injury or damage to that gray mass of cells. Boy...that was a simple question.

Tidbit: Did you know the brain has no nerves hence it feels no pain?

Answer 3

Communication -- feelings -- talking -- blah, blah, blah. The fact is it's really none of your business what we 'feel' and 'think'. It's private -- even to YOU. Men do talk about things that are relevant in life but have absolutly ZERO need to express our damn 'feelings' about things. Good God, why in the world should we bother blabbering on about how much we should love and respect each other and how we should have to prove we love our wives by acting like we are still dating and bringing home flowers and writing poems or burning dang candles in the bedroom or wanting to go for a moonlight walk on the beach......ECK. Women demand all of this and more from their husbands in order to PROVE that they love them -- the same husbands that would work 80 hours a week to buy food and shelter for his wife and family, the same husband that would give a kidney to his wife or child and the same husband that would, literally, take a bullet in the stomach for his wife or child before he would let any harm come to them. But that's not good enough --- not enough 'romance' --
Damn.

Answer 4

We women talk things out to solve the problem, or at least to laugh at ourselves and to bond. Men often just think about the problem and figure out a solution rather than talk about it. Then they go into action. We women don't know that anything has changed, but often it has in the man's mind.

My husband is mainly silent when it comes to most things, but his actions usually speak volumes that he has thought about what I have said. Maybe your husband is the same way?

I have also learned it's better for me to vent to my girlfriends because my husband doesn't understand my venting - he takes it too personally. This makes for a much happier setting at home.

Answer 5

From what I've read and heard, women are naturally more expressive and talkative than men are. But there's a difference between not being as talkative and deliberately being a "closed book".

When situation warrants I speak up to express my thoughts or desires. I don't want to come across as being insensitive. Worse is when my silence is understood as being inability to communicate.

If he knows that you expect him to speak up and be expressive, he needs to make a deliberate effort to speak up and express himself. If you haven't already, try and have a more open-ended conversation with him. For instance, instead of asking him "whether he'd prefer hot tea or a cold coffee" you may want to ask him "what drink would you prefer". That type of open-ended conversations will force him to open up. And over time (hopefully), he'll get into the habit of opening up to you :-) Good luck.

Answer 6

This is how a man is in our society and it is how women expect men to be. Men who show too much emotion and talk about their feelings are given a hard time by other men and women walk away from them for being too effeminate. Often times it is just easier to keep our mouths shut anyway. Women wan to dig and dig and dig until they've defined things their way even if it wasn't originally what the man felt.

Answer 7

Why are you being so nosy? It sounds like you have a lot of control issues. Likely he is communicating, but you aren't being subtle enough to pick up on it. The constant blathering most women think is "communication" is pretty annoying for a man, liable to get him in trouble, and doom him to a "relationship discussion" or, worse yet, marital counseling. Leave the poor guy alone -- if he thought you'd be interested in what he has to say, he'd say it.

Answer 8

when you find out, let me know please. My wife seems cold hearted as well. I tell her what she is doing is hurting me, and why it is. I love her, and I show her in so many ways. But she doesn't even say thank you for the flower's I sent last week. No reason, just tryin to let her I know I love her. I try to tell her What and when she hurts me, orwhy i'm hurting and she's like get over it, all that matters is I love you. I am a gemini, her b-day is oct,27. that might make a diff, I don't know. For christmas, I buy her expensive jewerly, I get dollar store flashlites, tools etc. I love being affectioante and have it returned. I am from Texas and she is from RI, that may be a reason also.

Answer 9

You've only been married five years and your seeing a marraige counselor.
Get rid of the councelor and talk to your husband instead. He probably thinks anything he says to you is going straight to the shrink.

Note. Your reply to Floridaman just said volumns about you.

Answer 10

It may have something to do with his child hood. I don't like expressing myself I was never good at it and I always felt my opinion was never really valued or made fun of when I would give it. It's bin hard to actually talk to my husband and be open and to know he wont ridicule me for how i felt. he also gets frustrated but I do try It's getting better but I don't have a very strong voice in what goes on because that's how I prefer it he will always ask me for my opinion but for me it was something that was ingrained in me to just do what i was told and basically deal with it for a kid on. try to be patient with him and let him know you wont judge him for his thoughts and let him talk once he starts to and don't interrupt so he thinks you value what he is saying. Good luck :)