My husbands been working a lot of mandatory overtime. I haven't been able to see him for days and we haven't been able to have sex in weeks. I just got offered a new job and so he offered to take Sunday off to spend with me and we agreed we would go to supper to celebrate. I spent the night at my Mom's the night before to visit and when I got home around noon he wasn't home and his phone was off. I would have appreciated a note saying where he was, but blew it off and took a nap. He called at 3:30 from a friends phone and said he his phone was out of juice and he went to a friends house to watch a game and said he would be home shortly. So I got up and waited and waited and waited. He never called or showed up. I understand that he has been working a lot of hours lately and I would have understood that he needs some time with his friends but he wasafraid I would be pissed. This isn't the only time he's done this. How I should deal with this? I feel hurt and disrespected.
2007-09-24 06:40:03 · 13 answers · asked by sun day 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We love each other very much and have a pretty good relationship.
2007-09-24 06:40:31 · update #1
For godsakes he's NOT cheating on me. I trust him completely as far as that goes. He hates strip clubs, and he is very sexually interested in me. We just haven't had any time. He works nights, and I work days. I know it's always a possibility, but it's really not whats going on. He loves to drink when he has off. He wanted to stay there, and bullshit with his friends and drink beer.
2007-09-24 06:54:40 · update #2
ah ok flagger, he had to work overtime 16 hours...from 3pm Sat. to 7am Sunday. I was expecting him to be sleeping until at least 5pm on Sunday. I respect how much he works a lot. HE is too tired to want to have sex with me so I don't stress him out about it and leave him alone. He's a cop and yes...he works ALOT of overtime because he's the rookie. Thanks for your input, but your WAY off.
2007-09-24 07:16:21 · update #3
not sure where the "good " is in your relationship if he doesn't have the decency to let you know the truth..he'd rather be with his friends than you??? something is not right here...you deserve an explanation...if he cared for you he would have been there
2007-09-24 06:44:57 · answer #1 · answered by jazzy l 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him exactly how u feel. See what his response is and then you can make your next move. If you already don't have a lot of time together anymore, you both need to make an effort to rekindle the romance. I'd think if he hasn't gotten to spend time with his wife then he'd take any chance he gets to be with you, but that isn't the case. I'm surprised he isn't all over you if you haven't had sex in weeks. Something going on here.
2007-09-24 06:57:01 · answer #2 · answered by jmiller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT?
You are suffering from a lack of time together so YOU go to mom's for Saturday night and don't show up until noon the next day?
You should feel like you are disrespecting him. He is not at home because of working long hours. You chose to take your available time, which he had to take time off work for, and go to mommy's. He called to let you know what it was like to wait and wait to get home from your mothers.
You have no right to be hurt or feel disrespected. If your time together is so important why does it have to be on your terms?
I fear you will be doomed to repeat this episode until you figure out your priorities. His working is not a reason not to schedule some intimacy time. If you cannot wake up or work it in it must not be much of a priority. If his taking a day off is not important enough for you to come home before noon it is not much of a priority. If he has to wait for you during his scant time off while complaining about his availability your priority is all about how his life fits into yours.
You need to step back and take a very hard look at your attitude regarding his work, time and your time together because your mouth says it is important but your actions tell him it isn't really.
This maneuver of calling and not coming home is no more offensive than making an issue where he changes his schedule ( from work get it ,work, money, rent , food, car, you know work) and you stay at mom's is payback. Like they say, payback's a *****.
Why did he do it like this, payback, plain and simple.
If you are hurt, consider it self inflicted.
Follow Up,
WAY OFF? Prehaps.
But then when I worked nights and did not have to go in the next night, I would not go to bed that morning so I could sleep at night. I would bet that he cut his sleep short and was in fact waiting. He was up and out before you got home.
Payback, maybe not.
A statement, You Bet.
2007-09-24 07:08:57 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How can you say, "We love each other very much and have a pretty good relationship," after saying that he has repeatedly blown you off.
He is working mandatory overtime everyday? That does not sound right.
You got a new job and he was not even there to celebrate that with you. It sounds like he is taking you for granted. I would tell him that if he does not start showing you respect, he is going to have to find a new place to live.
This does not sound like a pretty good relationship to me. He should have been afraid to call you and you should have screamed at him for promising you the day and then taking off with friends.
You are his wife and more important than friends.
Take care,
Troy
2007-09-24 07:01:38 · answer #4 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't be pissed, I would be ready to seriously hurt the man!! He is abviously selfish and not showing you any respect at all. he chooses his friends and a football game over you? He should have been home waiting for YOU! forget about a note, he owes you BIG TIME! You are his WIFE, you should come first before his friends. Unless he doesn't want a wife anymore and only wants his friends. I would give him an ultimatim, them or me! He needs to grow up!
2007-09-24 06:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by chefddr 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So if the relationship is that good what are you doing soliciting advice here? If its as good as you say you should be able to make your feelings known and hammer it out instead of wondering what to do here.
Your marriage didn't last this long because you solicited advice from a bunch of complete strangers did it?
2007-09-24 06:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All this that you're telling us, is what you've got to tell him. He has to know how it made you feel and why. He has to know that his actions affect you and your relationship. Although he has worked allot of hours, that is no excuse. It was rude and thoughtless. I think he owes you an apology.
If he continues to do this, he may not be ready for a serious relationship or he may not be the one for you.
2007-09-24 06:45:33 · answer #7 · answered by wondermom 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Let him know how you feel about it, and how much he has disappointed you. If he keeps standing you up when you plan something together, there might be something going on that he isn't telling you. Hopefully that's not the case. I bet you are a wonderful lady, and it's his loss for standing you up.
2007-09-24 06:45:14 · answer #8 · answered by poetry_dreamer2001 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Hire a private detective to see if he is cheating on you. If he loved you, he wouldn't do this to you so many times.
2007-09-24 07:16:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds suspisous to me. I wouldnt put up with that stuff if I were you. Sounds like he is blowing you off for a reason, maybe you need to find out why.
2007-09-24 06:47:21 · answer #10 · answered by whatever 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋