I'm in a bizzare type of situation... can you offer me some advice?

Question

Let me start by saying that this is not a joke. There is a man in his late 40’s that works at a store that I purchase from a couple of times a week. Several weeks ago while I was standing in line, he decided to tell me that he is in the process of undergoing a sex change operation to change from a man to a woman. I don’t know why he felt he needed to tell me this, but he did. I’m a tolerant person, so I just listened. For the next few weeks he would tell me things about this process while I would stand in line.

Then, he looked up my personal phone number in the business’s computer system and called me. He called and started talking about the operation, hormones, etc. I was kinda stunned at the time, so I listened for ten minutes without getting a word in edgewise. I found a polite way to end the phone call and then tried to forget about it. Several days later I got an email with pictures of him dressed up like a woman.

Over the past week he has been calling my cell phone and leaving messages asking if I want to go out with him and some of his friends. I don't know how to handle this situation and it is making me very uncomfortable. I don’t have a problem with the crossdressing/transvestite situation per se. My personal morals lead me to believe that everyone should be able to live their life any way they wish as long as they’re not hurting anyone else. However, I’m starting to get a creepy feeling about this person, especially since he has my home address and home phone number.

How can I politely tell him to stop trying to contact me? Also, I want to say it in a way that he understands that it is not the transvestite part that freaks me out but the fact that he took my personal information without consent and is trying to contact me by phone and email several times a day. That’s creepy no matter who/what you are.

Answer 1

That is a predicament isn't it?

Well first of all let me tell you why he is acting in such a way.

I bet you anything he seen you before prior to that conversation. He might not have any support and quite possibly might feel desperate. Is there something cookoo about him? No, not at all. Although his social behavior is quite out of line, he's lonely. and you might be two things for him:

A) you're a woman (I mean no disrespect its just since its a sex-change operation form man to woman it might be one legitimate reason)

B)You Listened. Which is *wonderful* you did it without judgement too.

C) I forgot what its called exactly but you emanated a glow, a sense of safe space. Someone who is kind or at least respectful and strong!

So what did you do that was wrong or to deserve this? Essentially nothing at all. You just didn't stop him soon enough to let him know where his boundires should have been.

Remember *always* being polite ends when they become envasive into your life; going through a life-changing event like that is bound to have their emotional intelligence hampered. He won't try to kill you or anything god no. Just a little clingy among some other things.

So what should you do?

Several things:

1) think about your feelings and well-being first...always! This means don't hold back to tell him what he is doing wrong.
2) Offer phone numbers for life coaches, psychologists, AND definately support groups.
3) if worst comes to worst if after you let him know your comfort zone and is error, then I'd highly suggest you get a restraining order against him to protect you and your privacy.

I hope all will turn out well.

Answer 2

Oh, dear Lord. I agree with you. Why would someone just start telling you intimate things about his/her life, when you are just passing acquaintances at best? Ewwww...
Sounds just shy of a stalker if you ask me. Sometimes, with people like this, no matter what you say or do could be construed as rude or impolite. However, since you don't favor a future relationship with this person, you need to stop this somehow. And he may or may not be telling you the truth as it is (for example about the sex-change)....
Your being nice has made this person feel you are a "friend"..and this person may have a hard time in the "real" world, if you know what I mean...(that seems obvious since if he were OK...he would have friends and/or family to talk to)
You need to just firmly tell him that you do not accept unsolicited calls or visits to your home. Change your phone numbers...ask your HR department not to publish your numbers (most will do so on request, as long as your supervisor(s) have your number)....
The more you "listen" and remain polite, the more he will call you and want to chat..as you will be seeming to say "it's ok" by NOT saying anything.
I had a female friend once who was a lot like that...I nipped that in the bud, by ALWAYS being too busy to chat when she called. And I never, EVER open my door at home to someone I don't know (or know well) or who was not invited.
period.

Answer 3

Let me tell you this in all seriousness because you are in a very serious situation right now. I don't know how old you are, but if you are a teen or even still in your twenties, ask your parents for help on this one IMMEDIATELY. They are probably going to flip out, but trust their actions to get this man out of your life. I say this because you obviously don't know how serious and this is and the people who would do their best to protect you are your parents. I'm serious. They will have a much more objective and educated perspective on this issue. Your sense of danger has not been triggered and it should have been a while ago.

This is a HIGHLY inappropriate/ borderline criminal activity. You do not owe this man nothing, not your time, not your sympathy. That ended when he crossed the line and called you unsolicited. I'm sure you are a nice woman, but this man is already taking advantage of you. You need to go into hyper self-protective mode now and your politeness needs to end immediately. From the sound of it, I don't think you have experience with recognizing and pushing away a potential assailant and your niceness will put in further danger.

If you can't get your parents help, 1st contact the police and tell them of your situation AND FILE A COMPLAINT. Then I would call the store you shop at, ask to speak to the manager or owner. If you get a manager ask for the Regional Manager's contact phone number immediately or ask for their complaint line to their corporate number and only divulge the reason you are asking for it after the manager gives you the number. Be very firm and be very adamant. A regional manager oversees many stores, not just one, and therefor would probably not have an emotional connection with this man that may hinder him from being disciplined. I'm sure there are policies in place that make it punitive for looking up your information and calling your phone unsolicited. I need to stress again that this is a serious offense. DON'T BE NICE!!!!!!!

Then if he calls you, no more politeness, hon. Be very irate. Tell him that you thought about it for a while and that you find his behavior to completely out of line and inappropriate. Tell him you believe he is trying to take advantage of you and if doesn't lose your phone number you will get a restraining order out on him. If he becomes belligerent over the phone, hang up and call the police and make another complaint. If he sincerely apologizes don't be afraid to chastise him further. If he was just acting ignorantly then HE NEEDS TO LEARN HIS LESSON ON THIS ONE. But I don't think any man in his 40's would truly think his actions are innocent though he'll try to convince you they are.

Please get help. Don't be easy going on this. Any man that looks up your private information without your prior consent needs to be reprimanded. And the nature of his conversations with you are obvious lures at seeing who is easy enough for him to get his hooks into.

I'd rather you overreact and him learn a hard lesson than you be nice and get hurt...

Please leave further comments on this to let us know how you are doing.

Answer 4

Wow.....that is creepy. I would say in a clear but polite way that you are a busy person and just don't have the time to talk to him or see him socially. And, if possible I'd try not to go into that store a whole lot. If you talk to him in person about backing off, I'd bring a friend to be with you. Maybe a large male friend with a stern expression. Hope it turns out OK.

Answer 5

The first thing that struck me as odd about this is there is a federal law mandating anyone thinking of undergoing the operation must live, work, etc as the opposite sex for I believe five years, so if you know him as a man, it's highly unlikely he is having the operation. That being said, the whole situation is weird and a bit stalkerish.....I know if a stranger looked up my number and began calling me I would first not respond, hoping they get the hint, if they continue to call, asking them politely to not call anymore.......if they continue call the police and report it as harassment....I would really steer clear of this person, they sound very shifty to me!

Good luck.

Answer 6

confident it rather looks like a difficulty . There are 2 thoughts for you combat or alter. 1st suggestion : ----------------------------- As you suggested which you dont choose to be fired , i might recommend you to demonstrate screen your supervisor keenly and be certain which you maintain in touch with him known. do no longer provide him an excellent gamble to ask a query , you better be waiting with the respond. be certain which you mail him known so as which you would be able to shop a song of all your themes. enable him understand which you're working problematic . constantly tell him with regard to the artwork progression. do no longer apprehensive of him and don't attempt to circulate faraway from his purely because of the fact he's forgetful and questionable. If achieveable greet him with a grin known ( would not remember whether this is a guy made one ) . i are conscious of it rather is bit puzzling yet as i instructed you that combat or alter . 2d suggestion ------------------------ If he's rather abusive , carry mutually the mandatory data and report it to larger government. he's your boss yet would not recommend that he can rule like a king. report to his Boss . communicate on your collegues and be certain which you report mutually. Be brave and are not getting apprehensive of being fired. you have somewhat some thoughts . activity does no longer be a difficulty as long as you're basic and hardworking. do no longer enable him dominate you men . Be a team and report as a team. If no person is starting to be a member of with you , i might say you combat on my own . Be basic and tutor others which you at the instant are not doing any incorrect ingredient. each and all the final my pal.

Answer 7

Find out the manager or owner of the store from another employee, and take it up with them. That is harassment and he should be fired for it. Employees are not allowed to use personal information from the company computer to contact people unless there is a legal issue, even than, the manager should do the contacting.
Good luck.

Answer 8

He sounds like a real weirdo and kind of scary. I think you should tell him in no uncertain terms not to call or contact you anymore. If he persists I would tell his boss, failing that tell the police that this man is harassing you.

Answer 9

you should have said something sooner.. but that's ok.. I understand why you didn't.

You have three options...

1: Keep avoiding him.. eventually he'll get the picture.

2: keep blowing him off.. telling him you can't go out.. can't talk.. that sort of thing... eventually he'll get the picture.

3: Tell him exactly what you have wrote here... he'll get the picture.


I'd recommend #3

Answer 10

Restraining order. What he is doing is a form of stalking you. Call the police immediately. Before he ends up finding your house and killing you. Not even joking.