I have a 4 month old son. My husband and I work separate shifts that we can take care of the baby. Well, my elderly parents live with us, and thus far, my mother has been watching the baby while my husband sleeps. He complains that it's hard for him to wake up to tend to the baby and then fall back asleep. He has a long commute to work, so my mother was willing to help, but I'm getting angry because it seems like he's just full of excuses. (He has time to go out with friends while I'm home taking care of the baby, tho.)
I blew up at him yesterday so now he's behaving, but saying he couldn't sleep and can't go to work today or else he'll have a car accident.
I suggested bringing the baby to his mother's on certain days, but am uncomfortable with the idea because that requires the baby to sleep over on the days my husband will be working. Why should I have to sacrifice time with my son because he can't fall asleep?
What should I do?
2007-09-24 05:37:42 · 22 answers · asked by Astragalo 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
My mother never complains. She's battled Breast cancer and has MS but she does not complain. I finished college and had so many goals, but I'm putting my life on hold for the sake of my baby. Obviously, my husband doesn't see that. I NEVER go out because I'm left doing everything . I know he's selfish...I'm glad I'm not the only one buying his excuses.
2007-09-24 05:53:41 · update #1
Tell him to "GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!!" It sounds like you have 2 baby's. Don't let him lay guilt on you, not even the first time or he will always do it. Be strong and concentrate on your beautiful new baby! You don't have time or energy for games now, he needs to get witht the program........Something needs to make him realize it ain't about him anymore. He will have to roll with the punches, this sleep thing won't last forever, the baby will get a schedule eventually, till then everybody has to sacrifice. Having a child means he will be giving up a lot for the rest of your lives from now on so he better get use to it.
2007-09-24 05:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 9⤊ 3⤋
I understand your frustration. My husband could not handle my son when he was a new born. He would find any excuse to have someone else take care of him. It wasn't that he didn't love my son, he just didn't understand him. He didn't understand that sometimes babies just cry. He was always looking for a way to "fix" my son. When my son was about a year old my husband said I finally figured it out. I ask what he had figured out. He said sometimes babies cry and all you can do is hold them. Well, it took a year, but he finally learned something. My son is 4 now and my husband is a wonderful father. We are expecting our second child this December and I think I will see a much different father to this infant.
It doesn't make it right that your husband is not helping like he should, but try to understand he may be uncomfortable or even nervous about being alone with the baby. Try having him take care of the baby while you are there. Make him bath the baby, feed the baby and rock the baby.
Also, you may see drastic changes as the baby becomes older.
2007-09-24 13:01:53 · answer #2 · answered by arobe80 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Boy if I could answer this question, I could help myself too. I have the same problem with my husband although it does not involve the fact that we work different shifts. But I am the one constantly arranging child care etc. If I want to attend a baby shower or have lunch with friends, I have to arrange for someone to keep my son or take him with me as my husband can not be bothered. He doesn't like to bath him. He didn't want to take him off the bottle and was no help with potty training. If we eat out and he needs to go to the bath room, I take him. My husband does not mine playing with him for very short intervals but that is it. I came of the shower once to find lotion all over the living room carpet because he was watching a show on TV and not my son. There seems to be a jealous there and I have just accepted I am a single parent when it comes to raising my son. I keep hoping it will change but my son is 3 1/2 now. My parents live 5 1/2 hours away and have taken my son for a week at atime and come here about once a month to see him. My in laws have not seen my son in 10 months and he is there only grand child. Sorry to complain, guess I am trying to tell you, may have to do what you got to do and not wait for him to be a man
2007-09-24 12:48:36 · answer #3 · answered by Done 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Men just aren't like us. They don't have the same instincts and impulses. you need to try to be understanding of your husbands needs... a new baby is a difficult transistion for him too. I really don't think men are built to get up in the middle of the night and care for a child the way you and i are....
My husband once drove into a telephone pole because he fell asleep at the wheel. There was no alcohol or anything involved...he was just that tired. So i'm inclined to believe him if he says he needs his sleep. If your husband needs his sleep THAT bad then you need to find a way to make sure he gets it.
And remember...your babies schedule is going to constantly be changing over the next 2 years...so be ready to adapt and to compromise with your hubby when need be.
Your child is only going to be 4 months old just this once...don't waste the time arguing with his daddy...enjoy what precious moments you have as a family.
2007-09-24 12:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by kellyoribine 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Your hubby sounds like a perfectly normal guy to me, dear. Perhaps you can get him to clean or cook more often, but don't make your sweet baby into an argument or a dreaded chore. Let your mom continue to watch the baby while your husband sleeps. You can't control his behavior, and he's not out with his friends or sleeping with another woman.
Some men love their babies, but are not the best at taking care of them for long periods of time. The child is getting plenty of loving care from grandma (and maybe even grandpa too), and your husband spends at least a few minutes a day playing with him, I bet.
As for you, maybe you should play with the baby and your husband at the same time, or get him look after the baby a few minutes while you get a bubble bath. Oh, and go out with your friends once in a while too; with three adults in the house who love him, I bet your little son will be just fine.
Good luck!
2007-09-24 12:48:41 · answer #5 · answered by nora22000 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tell him to do what every other parent does, get up with your kid, and if you are tired in the morning drink some coffee or have an energy drink and go on with your day. I agree he is copping out.
And after a while your body adjust to the lack of sleep, he is not the only parent up at night that has to work the next day.
2007-09-24 12:46:12 · answer #6 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
do you want to be a stay at home mom.. let him get a second job. to provide for the family. or let him stay at home and you pick up the second job.. I donot believe that I would be letting my 4mos son stay overnite anywhere without me being there.. that isnt the answer taking your son from his home where he is comfortable and familiar with and placing him at your mil. your husband is being a selfish pig.. he wants to sleep or play, he wants to go out with the boys..if he doesnt get his way then he doesnt want to work which is punishing your families income... childish and inconsiderate... tell him that he needs to grow up and face the responsibilities of being a parent.. any real parent will tell you both that a baby will require alot of your time and you both will not be getting hardly no sleep at least for the first six mos..
2007-09-24 12:56:16 · answer #7 · answered by julie m 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldnt sacrifice time with my son to please a very selfish husband. It takes me almost an hour (sometimes more) to fall asleep after tending to a midnight feeding or diaper change but I STILL DO IT. He is being very selfish and self-absorbed. Obviously he wasnt ready to be a Daddy because he has yet to even become a man and a daddy is alot more than just a man. He is being a spoiled little boy and I am astonished at his behavior.
2007-09-24 12:44:00 · answer #8 · answered by LilMomma22487 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Welcome to motherhood! While I have a terrific husband, we still have issues regarding FREE time...amazing how men can find time to play w/ "the boys", golf, and watch football. Heck, the last thing that I did...was get my hair done! Does that count as going out? I don't think so!
Communication is KEY...remind your husband that you are parents now and it's time to grow up! The world no longer revolves around "going out" and "sleeping". You now have a little one and it's time for him to step up to the plate and do his part.
2007-09-24 12:57:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give him a break, it's a nightmare not being able to go back to sleep easily. Also, don't get upset with him about going out with his friends when you're "on duty" he needs his down-time too. Not all guys are great at looking after kids, and you shouldn't try to make him into something he's not. If you really feel hard done by, then tell him you need him to help out more with the house-work or something as an exchange for you doing more "baby-work".
Is it your mother who's complaining that he's useless or is it you, btw? (I know what you wrote, I just want to see if someone else started you thinking.)
Listening to your parents when they complain about your husband is about as stupid as listening to your husband when he complains about your parents...
2007-09-24 12:44:13 · answer #10 · answered by rosbif 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋