i tried writing this..is this good?..tell me if i can make it more better?

Question

LOVE......

Love can be felt and not be told.
It's winter's heat and summer's cold.
It's priceless'which trust can hold.
Love doesn't sees your young or old.

Love is to give,not to take.
It's pure as god and not fake.
No misunderstanding can shake,
A bond that love make.

Love can cut a mighty sword,
like romeo's story that we heard.
It sets you free as a free bird.
So strong is the love word.

Answer 1

It's nice. I like the poem. I wish I could write as well as lot's of people on yahoo. People say I do but I don't think so.

Answer 2

I think most of your grammatical/metre errors have been corrected by others (good job, guys) but I still see some glaring issues.

ITS = posessive
IT'S = a contraction of "IT IS"

Because of this, some lines in your poem are nonsensical. They read like this:

"It is priceless which trust can hold" (actually, that sentence is just plain baffling)

Also...
YOUR = possessive
YOU'RE= contraction (YOU ARE)

"sword" and "word" do not rhyme at all

I don't understand why there is an apostrophe in front of "which"

The 4th line just doesn't make any sense

"a bond that love MAKES" (this is basic verb conjugation here...)

"it sets you free as a free bird" -- this is the worst "simile" I have ever read. It's redundant and does not make sense.

Somebody already mentioned that your allusion to Romeo doesn't even make sense.

Last line: something must be "So strong THAT" (i.e. you can't just say "so" without "that"--it's improper grammar)

Answer 3

You have a few minor errors:
Love can be felt and not to be told: Why?
It's winter's heat and summer's cold: Great line
It's priceless which trust can hold: another great line
Love doesn't see if you are young or your are old: not SEES

Love is to give and love is to take: it does take two to love
It is pure as God and is not fake: good line
No misunderstandings can shake: love does sometimes misunderstand
A bond that love can make: good line

Love can cut like the mighty sword: good line
Like Romeo's story that we all have heard: good line
It can set free as free as the birds: good line
So strong is the love that we share: The word its self is not strong the feeling of love is. You surely have a talent keep it up you are doing a wonderful job!

Answer 4

It's really good, but you made a few poor word choices...
This is what I'd change:


Love
Love can be felt and not told
It's winter's heat and summer's cold
It's priceless' which trust can hold
Love doesn't see young or old

Love is to give and not to take
It's pure as God and not fake
No misunderstanding can shake
The bond that love makes

Love can cut like a mighty sword
like Romeo's story that we have heard
It sets you free as a free bird
So strong is the love word

Answer 5

Make it more better? First you make it better... not MORE better. If you want to write you first need to learn the basic fundamentals of English grammar. As for the poem? don't quit your day job. For example:

The first quatrain (the first four lines) of your poem-the fourth line should read, "Love doesn't see you're young or old."

The second quatrain -second line: the word God should be capitalized. -- Fourth line: the word "make" should be plural (makes) to be correct English.

The third quatrain - as I recall, Romeo never tried to defeat "the sword". He did commit suicide however, and if DEATH sets you free he succeded.

Your poem is sadly, poor writing. But keep at it, learn English, and maybe you'll someday become a fair poet.

Answer 6

Nice sentiments, couple of grammar issues, and your meter is random.

I like some of the lines, very colorful/relate-able.

Line 4: "see your young" not "Sees your young," Singular.Plural confusion
Romeo, since it's a proper name, should be capitalized. "God" as well. "gods" can be lower case.

Your meter is shaky.
First Stanza goes Even(4), Even(4), Odd(3.5), Even(4)
Second Stanza goes Odd(3.5), Odd(3.5), Even(4), Odd(2.5)
Third Stanza goes Odd(3.5), Odd(5.5), Even(4), Even(3)

Varying the meter in this pattern is clever, but you should keep the meter even (4 and 3.5 only).

Perhaps "A bond here, that love can make" and "Like Romeo's tale we heard,"

The 3.5, 4, etc. is the count on stressed/unstressed syllables.

Answer 7

IT's good but I've never been a big rhyming fan.

Answer 8

Perfect, I wouldn't change it at all, leave it, it serves it's purpose, It cheered me.

Answer 9

with a couple of tweaks, I like it.

line 4 "see (if or that) you're, not your"
line 6 please capitilize God.
line 8 insert "can or doth"
(just my suggestions)
;0)