If your senior daughter got her tounge pierced without you knowing, what would you do upon finding out?

Question

She does well in school, keeps up with her chores, doesn't even ask to go out with her friends, and is a good kid all around. But the tounge ring is out of her character, to me. She had it for a week and a half before I confronted her. We don't really talk anymore and I think she feels that I don't care about what she has to say. I made her take it out, and she still acts like she did from before.

Answer 1

Make her recite tongue twisters until she realizes the sillyness of it.

I wouldn't use coercive measures, especially if as you say she is a 'good kid all around'. Those will only backfire and hurt your relationship.

Personally I think that they are silly but I wouldn't get too worked up over it. Your relationship with your daughter is way more important.

My cousin, who is now a doctor, went through a tongue-piercing stage and like your daughter it appeared to be completely out of character but nobody in the family got too worked up over it and she decided by herself that it wasn't really necessary.

The piercing healed over and she went on with her life. Don't create emotional wounds that will take much longer to heal. If you make that a point of contention then people's natural defence mechanisms kick in and it becomes a source of conflict and bitterness.

She may decide to keep it even if she might not otherwise just as an act of defiance. Young people need to experiment with making decisions and as long as they aren't illegal, too dangerous or life threatening you should let them even if it doesn't fit with your ideas of what is appropriate.

Answer 2

There is a reason she doesn't talk with you, and feels as though you don't care what she has to say : from what you've shown her, you don't. I don't in any way mean that actually don't care, but from your actions , that is the way she feels.

She's a good kid, with good grades, still does her chores, and doesn't keep you up until all hours of the night while out with her friends, You are exceptionally lucky, and most obviously did a wonderful job raising her if at this age she still is a "good kid" . So treat her like one. A piercing isn't the end of the world. You may not understand why she finds it attractive, but keep in mind you two are from two very different generations, and I'm quite sure your parents watched you do / enjoy things that they couldn't quite understand either. Piercings aren't permanent , when she decides that one day she no longer wants her tongue pierced, she can take it out. It'd her body, if that's the only way she's disrespecting it ( rather than drugs or boys) learn to pick your battles ...she'll respect your opinion on more serious matters , if she sees you being open minded.

Answer 3

The same thing happened with my 13 year old daughter. Only it was her belly button, not her tongue. She let her friends older sister pierce it. She didnt tell me about it until it got infected. When I found out, I was pretty mad and I thought about grounding her. I didnt though, I figured the infection was more than enough punishment. If it hadnt gotten infected, I probably would've let her keep it anyway. However, I did warn her that if she ever did anything like that again without asking me, she would be grounded.

My daughter is a good kid too, this was just something that comes with being a teenager. You have to pick your battles, is a tongue piercing really worth that coveted good relationship with your daughter? If you really think that she feels you dont care what she has to say, you need to talk to her and let her know that she doesnt have to go all out in order for you to hear her.

Answer 4

I would tell her that she should have talked to you about it first because if it was something she really wanted you could have worked something out to come to a agreement. However you have to be 18 to do it so if she is 18 then it should not be a problem. If she is 17 it still should not matter she is old enough to know what she wants and she is the one who has to live with doing it. You may not like it but it is something that she does and it should not be that big of a deal. If she gets good grades and does good then I figure all the better. But just tell her that next time you would respect that fact if she talked to you first. Now days everyone is getting tattoo's and peircings. I have a few myself and I am also a mother. Granted my son is only 16 months and I am only 24 but I would let him do it if he wanted to if he was 18 or almost. Just because we don't like something does not mean we should tell our kids not to like it because the more you tell them no the more they will do it. Think back when you were her age. You don't want to tell her she can't do anything and lose your relationship with her but at the same time don't let her walk all over you. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Why did u have her take it out? She is a grown adult now and can make her own decisions. If she is a good kid and you nevered had a problem with her before , then geez let her have this!!!!!! If thats the only thing she has done be happy she ain't one of those girls on The Maury Show!!!!!!! because your gonna be sorry when shes out of the house and when she's on her own , she's gonna goooooooooooooo crazy with all things she never was allowed to get into ten times more since you never gave her a lil of what she wants to do . By then you wouldn't have any say what she can do or not !!!! So back off a lil geez!!!!! It only was a piercing , thats not permanent, other things she could do that would be permanent!!!!

Answer 6

I would probably kill my daughter(not literally) because we have spoken many times about a tongue piercing, she wanted to get one(she is only 16). I have told her that I did not spend over $10,000 on braces, cleanings, dental work, retainers, and everything else so that she could pierce her tongue and ruin all that work for nothing. Explain to your daughter that while tongue piercings are a thing right now that they do cause damage to the teeth and mouth. It is easier to chip a tooth, get more infections in the mouth because of all the bacteria, and actually some guys find them gross. If it is out of character for her you also may want to find out why she got it done in the first place. Something may be going on that you don't know about.
Talk to her and try to get her to understand your side of the story while you also try to understand hers. I made a deal with my daughter and it worked out great. She didn't get her tongue pierced and I took her for her first tattoo.
And yes I know that some people will not agree with this, but tattoos don't bother me. Having tons of money wasted on the other hand does.

Answer 7

You know, if she has good grades and isn't getting in trouble .. whats the big deal with her having a tongue piercing?

My boys both wanted mohawks at an early age, so I told them as long as they kept their grades up they could have one during the summer when school was out. (Their school didn't allow kids to wear mohawks -- but thats a whole other post)

I know it's not the same as a piercing, but really ... why not let her express herself? Maybe, just maybe if you sit down with her and say "I don't approve of your decision, but you are almost an adult and I TRUST your judgement so I'm going to let you keep it." Maybe then she'll respect you more and be more open with you in the future.

Sounds like you've got a great daughter. Don't push her further away over something that isn't really that big of a deal. Chances are, she'll eventually grow tired of it and take it out on her own.

Good luck!

Answer 8

i think you should have left it alone.... she is a good kid and thats what counts. Her having a tongue ring dosnt make her any more less of who she was. A tongue peircing is minor compared to what she could have gotten peirced, they are not noticable. i had mine at a new job for well over a year before my boss or customers even knew i had it done.
You need to talk with her, then you should kinda let her be her own person. You shouldnt be trying to change who she is or is growing into be. let her experience some of these teenage things. If she wants to do something to her body that is life lasting like a tattoo, then ya have your say, she can wait till she is 18 or whatever, but things that are minor, be open enough with her about it, so she will come talk with you first before doing anything

Answer 9

Speaking from personal experience, I used to be that child, but I was 15 or so. I pierced my own nose 3 times, my lower lip 5 times, and my ears. yes at the same time. my mother actually helped me with my nose. Now I have one lip ring that is still there but I hardly ever have the ring in because of my infant son. She will grow into her own style. She is just experimenting with her identity. I wouldn't make a huge ordeal about it. When she grows up a little more she will find that there is a time and place for everything. I would be thankful she isn't doing other things like drugs, or being promiscuous. good luck, hope this helps.

Answer 10

I say you have it good! I am a mom to 4(19, 17, 11 & 10), and my kids wanted things done also. My daughter wanted her belly pierced at 13, and I told her she had to wait til she was 16, and if she still wanted it, I would go with her and make sure it was done cleanly. After 3 years, she still wanted it, so I stuck to my words. I would not have made her take it out, it seems like she is generally a 'good girl', and if this is the worst thing she does so be it......please pick your battles. I would fight over drugs, alcohol, and sex before a tongue piercing.
Please talk to your daughter....you really need to establish a relationship with her....you haven't lost her for good yet...tell her how you feel, really...that you were scared that it wasn't done cleanly, and that you think this is out of character for her. Maybe you don't know her as well as you think you do. I don't want to sound mean or rude, but to me a tongue piercing is something that you think of for a while..not something you just do on a whim. You two need to go out to lunch and shopping or something, and talk, get everything open and out in the air. Please SAVE your relationship with your daughter. If she really wants this done after you talk to her about it, go with her....make sure it is done sterile.

Good Luck
Momma P