One day while talking to my sister-in-law over the phone, I was giving her my viewpoint regarding the state of conflicting religions in the world and that we need to be sure to keep religion out of the political sphere and not mix the two. She is devoutly christian and took issue with me saying that this is a christian nation and that we have gotten away from it and need to go back to being so. After a bit, I told her that she was being naive. She got upset thinking I had called her stupid. I told her that I am naive/stupid about many things in life and that is so for us all and that there was no need to be upset. That was some three months ago and she won't speak to me now. I don't feel bad about this issue and really don't want to appologize for it is my contention that she needs to just deal with it...get a life as they say. How might you see this differently?
2007-09-24 03:52:19 · 10 answers · asked by Orion 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You can have your point of view, but it good to apoligise because she is hurt by your words - even if you are right. In the sense - tell her "I am sorry if you are hurt, I didnt mean to hurt you".
You dont have to be sorry for your point of view.
Its obviouse that you are still thinking about it even if are saying you dont to apologize. So why not speak to her about it and be complete with youself.
Trust me you will be happy with yourself for doing this.
2007-09-24 04:05:31 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the usage of the word SHOULD is key here. should is usually used indicating OBLIGATION, and in my opinion, NO, you are not obligated to appologize to your sister-in-law.
There are 3 things to consider here.
First, it's kind of expected to have a clash in this matter: religion. I remember the movie Big Fish, and it says that it's hard to talk about it without ever knowing who you're going to offend. We are all entitled to our opinions, beliefs, principles, etc. and if your insight is not the same as your sis-in-law, then there's nothing she can do about it. It's a free world after all. You believe what you want to, and she does too.
Second, I think another thing contributing to the clash was the fact that you two were talking over the phone. It's kind of an informal conversation, it's always better to talk personal.. But i do realize that it's insignificant in this case as the conversation might have evolved or something. And adding to the injury is you calling her STUPID. I know, not all people are perfect, but it is what it is. You calling her stupid was wrong and downright disrespectful to anyone, and especially her being a relative.
Lastly, she is a relative...not by blood, maybe, but clashes like these often go a long way. If you think apologizing is really imperative, then you ought to reflect and ask why you should, because an apology out of compulsion is the same as not.
Think about other people who would be affected by this rift. Think about Christmas and the awkwardness that might possibly ensue over dinner! Or kids, or other people.
So if you really don't want to apologize, i do understand. But a nice alternative solution is to confront her and explain things, because it doesn't really do anybody good being cross with someone. You can try talking to her out of the blue without even muttering the words "I am sorry".
Just remind her that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and she shouldn't get offended... she could just say, "fine, whatever. but i'm a Christian and i...."
And you might wanna admit it's wrong to call her stupid, too.
At the end of the day, it's your choice.
2007-09-24 04:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by 11 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, while I agree with your views on the relationship between church and state, I kind of think you went a little overboard when you called her naive. My guess is that she felt insulted when you called her that. Maybe you can call her and apologize. If she accepts your apology, then maybe the two of you could agree to disagree and not discuss religion, politics, or any other controversial issues in the future. If she doesn't accept your apology, then it's her problem and not yours.
2007-09-24 04:10:18 · answer #3 · answered by tangerine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line is that she was hurt by something you said.
You don't have to agree with her to acknowledge and apologize for having inadvertently hurt her feelings.
"[name], I would like to talk with you about something important. I realize a few months ago we had a difference of opinion on an issue that is near and dear to both of us. I am sorry that you felt hurt. I did not intend to communicate that I thought you were in any way "stupid". How about if we start over, and agree to disagree on this issue. Will you forgive me?"
You might be surprised at just how healing this simple acknowledgment and request for forgiveness can be.
Mend fences.
This is family. You only get one.
2007-09-24 03:59:39 · answer #4 · answered by michele 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ah, politics and religion should never mix. Any debate like that should be had face to face. Take the high road and apoligise for offending her and that you never meant to judge her beliefs.
Telling someone who is naive IS being judgemental. How you could let this go on for so long says that YOU'RE naive.
2007-09-24 04:11:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Michele and further, in debate and discussion one key thing you're not suppose to do is 'attack' someone else's viewpoint by defining it as a "term" (ie- you told her she was being naive)... everyone is going to vary on their views. After all, if we all think alike someone is not thinking, eh? :D)
Tho' it seems you both should have settled this 3 months ago and the burden I would think to be on both your shoulders, I would apologize simply because you cared enough to post this and see what others thought and it shows you are a humble person by apologizing. :)
2007-09-24 04:08:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I understand that everyone has their own opinion, but you had no right to call her naive. Think about it, who are you to call someone naive because they don't agree with your views. My uncle did the same to me. He mixes politics and religion and calls me naive bc i dont. Its wrong to do that. Your sister inlaw most likely isnt naive. She just has her own point of views. so you may not want to apologize, but you should apologize for calling her naive and hurting her feelings, and leave it at that. good luck!
2007-09-24 04:09:38 · answer #7 · answered by J. Lee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The thing about naivety..... it's all based on a point of view... and you come off as arrogant when you assume your point of view is right....
and.. she's family now.. that should come before your own pride.
2007-09-24 04:15:03 · answer #8 · answered by pip 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like apologizing to her, then do.
If you don't feel like apologizing to her, then don't.
You don't have to apologize for your opinions and your point of view.
Besides, just because people are family doesn't mean you have to like them.
2007-09-24 04:05:15 · answer #9 · answered by iceman4766 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
id apologize anyways!
2007-09-24 03:59:33 · answer #10 · answered by KRISTE 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋