Are you supposed to become "one" when you get married, or can you still remain separate?

Question

I have been told by many that when you get married, you become "one". I don't know if I like this idea. Is it possible to be married to someone, fully committed to them and in love with them, but still remain your own separate person with your own separate decisions, ideas, interests, friends?

Answer 1

You really have alot of marriage questions! When you sit and think about it, you know if its right or not. It's just something you know when its the right thing and there shouldn't be much doubt. Hang in there kid, you'll figure it out.

That "one" stuff is baloney. Be yourself, respect each other's opinions although you may disagree on some things, and revel in the uniqueness that makes both of you who you are.

Answer 2

I have been married 21 years and our relationship is strong. We are separate people who make separate personal decisions, have different ideas, different interests, and different friends. However, when it comes to decisions that affect the family or the marriage, we make those together. We respect each others different ideas and interests, but we also possess several ideas and interests that are close to being the same. Finally, while each of us has friends that are not the other's friends, we do have some mutual friends. I think the idea of two becoming "one" is kind of a twisted fairy tale, to be honest.

Answer 3

Marriage doesn't mean slavery, but it is a change. It is compromising to make both people in the relationship happy. You no longer look at a situation and think of what is best for you, but instead think about what is best for both of you and your relationship together. Any decisions, ideas, interests, or friends of either partner directly influences the relationship in some way. That doesn't mean you can't have different interests or friends than your spouse, it just means that you can't do whatever you want when you want at anytime, because you are thinking of someone other than yourself now.
A healthy, understanding relationship compromises on all aspects and both people are happy. If you are with someone who tries to control you or someone who wants to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel, things are rough and the relationship definitely isn't harmonious.
The saying "the two shall become one" means that you are taking into account someone else's likes, interests, dislikes, ideas, and life other than your own. Treat your spouse as you wish to be treated and be considerate of their feelings and interests. When you are married it is no longer I and me, but us and we.....Good Luck!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

You still remain an individual with your own likes and dislikes, your own personality. In a marraige when you become as one, you work towards your family needs, goals together. You do things that are mutually respectful and beneficial to each other. Becoming one just means that you work together to make each other happy and that the things you do are for the bigger picture of the family now and not just yourself.

Answer 5

I found it easier to think of this as you and your husband create something: your marriage. It has its own likes and dislikes, separate from either you or your husband. You work together and separately at making it a good thing; maybe you could think of it as a business you're building or a garden you're creating where both of you do your best work for a common goal.

We wrote our own vows and one of mine was "To keep the good of our marriage ahead of all separate considerations." This way when you talk about what you both need, it's not a matter of who's winning; it's a matter of what your marriage needs to stay healthy.

Answer 6

Yes you become one. You don't give up life after marriage. If you have girlfriends you keep your girlfriends. You do things together and separate. it is nice if your hubby/wife have that same interests too. you have someone to stand beside you in life. Someone who is your best friend. Some one who you can bounce ideas off of who Will help make the right decisions together.

Answer 7

Remain your own separate person- becoming one is idealistic, romantic nonsense- Who gets to be the "one" you will become? Whose personality will dominate? If you give away parts of yourself, you will be a dull person who may eventually be dumped by a man who says "you're not the woman I married."

Answer 8

Of course it is possible to remain a separate person with your own separate decisions, ideas, interests and friends....I am not exactly sure what becoming "one" means....other then it simply means you are "one" couple.

Answer 9

This is where it gets sticky. You're your own person but now the decision you make effect the life of your spouse so now you make the decisions together. Your fiances are tied so you can get a house pay the bills etc. You have to learn to balance it yourself

Answer 10

You become "one" in a Christian way. Not liking the idea tells me you are not liking the idea of being married. Being one doesn't mean you give up all sense of identity and interests. It simply means that you belong together and you share in all eachothers joys and sorrows and that United you stand! It's very important to have this in a marriage in order for that marriage to flourish and thrive. The house built on the rock (remember), that way when the storms come and trust me they will you will be able to survive them because you are united together.