Im scared and i don't know why need help from women who have had babies?

Question

My boyfriend is so excited at the idea of being a dad one day i told him when i met him i didnt want children i do want them im just scared to death of being pregnant.
We are not planning on doing this for a good five years yet.
He went on and on at me about it trying to persuade me and i said ok and he was so happy it made me happy to see him happy if that makes sense.
But deep down i know i can't do it im scared of every aspect, getting big knowing once its happened there is no going back!
Id be scared of having a life inside me i know i shouldnt but it freaks me out abit.im scared of labour and what the whole process will do to my body, i am worried he wont fancy me anymore and will think of me as a mum rather than as attractive and id hate that.However i know once it was all over id love the baby its just pregnancy im scared of and now i cant go back because he thinks im happy with it.im also scared of breastfeeding is this normal?if its so natural why am i so agaisnt the idea?

Answer 1

This sounds harsh, but I dont mean it to be. The reason you feel that way is because its about you, and hasnt yet become about the person you're growing and giving life to. Mothering is selfless, from the instant that it begins. You lay down your body and your life for the sake of the child that you love more than life itself.

Certainly dont get pregnant until you have the desire, but on the flip side, every woman has a moment of trepidation regarding the effort and change involved in child rearing.

If I were you, I'd be honest with him and tell him your fears, and your desires. He needs to know that you do not want children, because thats one of those things that you cannot compromise on. He needs to know that if he wants children he'll need to go find another woman.

Ive been in his shoes, only I was married. My husband NEVER wanted children, and when I got pregnant he became a total ashole to me for the entire pregnancy. He changed COMPLETELY the MOMENT our son was born, but still. Its hell to be in your boyfriends place, and its honestly not something he should compromise on.

At some point, when you're ready for children, you decide that what you want is them, and to love them completely, and to offer them the best your body has to offer.

Our bodies are amazing, they change, but they will do that regardless of whether you bore a child or not. And amazingly, you CAN look just as good as before, it just takes some time.

I breast feed, and while I did change my breasts, they still have all their function. I can hoist them into a bra and look just like my hotassed old self. And my husband doesnt care what they look like in bed, so long as theyre soft. :) Give yourself some credit, you can be mom and a sex monster too.

Answer 2

Its your decision if you don't want to have a baby and also its your decision if you do but don't let getting big or the pain or any of those things be the reason because the pain goes away and if you get big you can lose the weight . Make sure whatever it is you decide you and your partner agree because that's only fair 50/50 right ,besides looks change and when you have a child that you feel alive inside you if something happens you won't worry about your breast, your hair ,your weight , all you will worry about is if your baby is ok ! But whatever you decide make sure you can live happily with it.. All things that are new and that you aren't sure of the outcome makes you afraid ,some more than others when you are ready or if you'll ever be ready when the time comes you will know. Don't do it because of anyone else though because it won't be from the heart and that's one of the most important factors when you have a child.

Answer 3

Are you scared of being responsible for another life? Although going into the unknown is always scary, having a baby is not. It was one of the best times of my life and if I had to do it all over again, I definitely would. You can be given anesthesia for the pain which is temporary. The whole process is a great experience, if you're ready for it. If you boyfriend truly loves you, your beauty can only be seen by his heart and he will 'fancy' you no matter what. Your body will go through changes, but you can take care of yourself and regain your former figure. Don't be scare of breastfeeding, I did it twice and there was nothing to be scared of. Just knowing your child is getting the benefits of protection against illnesses, infections, allergies is enough to know you're doing the right thing. If you're still feeling the anxiety that you're going through, talk with your boyfriend and wait until you feel it's right otherwise, the baby may be affected by the anxiety you will be going through. I enjoyed both of my pregnancies and wouldn't trade the experience nor the results (2 daughters) for the world. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 4

It sounds like you're a believer in God and your religion is somewhat important to you. If so, maybe you should try going to confession (or counselling) just to let these thoughts out. Once you give birth to this baby I pray it goes well for you and that you have a happy life with him or her. You'll be fine and try not to worry too much as that's something that can harm the baby in the meantime - which you don't want. All the best.

Answer 5

Your fear must have come from somewhere. Perhaps you overheard some nasty stories of pregnancy or watched something on the TV which affected you. The truth of the matter is when you do fall pregnant, your hormones take over and you just roll along! You find that you get so excited about the coming baby that everything pales in comparison. It's not nice being nauseous - but they can give you meds. It's not nice being uncomfortable but you mostly feel this at night and you can use a few pillows under your tummy and legs. And your pregnancy grows slowly, so you become accustomed to it as if you have been pregnant all your life. In fact, you may find that it was one of the happiest moments of your life - especially when you feel the little one moving inside of you! Don't be afraid. It's a beautiful miracle.

Answer 6

I am a 30 year old mother of two.One girl and one boy. I read this question and had to answer it because I could relate to the way you feel. I was also scared and divided in my desire to have children. Like you, I also had a husband that wanted to ba a daddy so bad that it became a daily conversation that seemed to creep up into everything we discussed. For example he wanted to buy a new car but ended up not buying anything because he did not want to buy the one we were looking at because "one day we might have a family and it wont be a practical family car". He always wanted to know "when" and did not want to understand that I was not ready and "why". Long story short, you are not alone there are many of us that feel this way it just takes time and age before you will be able to really soal search and find out if children are in your future. It also takes patience and understanding from your loved one to give you the space to make that decision when "you" are ready not when "He" is ready.Be honest with him always and be true to yourself and your own needs dont have a baby if your not ready ,thats what tears a family apart and who wants to bring a child up in a broken family just to satisfy someones "baby fever" and the desire to have one immediatly. My heart goes out to you two this is a hard one. Tell him not to fear all hope is never lost, as soon as my hubbie relaxed and I had lived and loved a few more years we had our first... she is now 5.

Answer 7

Youre scared because you fear the unknown and thats completely normal. Its not him that has to gain weight and carry a human life for nine months. Those are very valid fears to have. you need to level with him and discuss your fears honestly and openly. Hopefull y you have that kind of relationship, if you dont have an honest relationship then maybe its a good idea not to have a baby at this time. As a mother, I can tell you that it IS scary and honestly at any time youll find a reason not to have a baby. Theres never an actual perfect time wheter it be money issues, relationship issues etc. I can speak from experience that while feeling sexy all the time may take a backseat to caring for a baby, your boyfriend may fall in love all over again seeing you nurture this being you created together out of love.

Answer 8

I was so scared also about having kids I really did not want to have any when I met my husband he had a 2 yr old and I though this is great I marry a man with a kid and don't have to have one but one day i go in for my check up and come out 6 1/2 months preg. you really talking about being scared I was scared to death but it was not as bad as you think I only gained 15 pounds from the time I found out till the day he was born all the videos I had watched scared me to death but it ain't as bad as you think and if you boyfriend loves you as much as you think he will love you even more when you do have a child to me I think it forms a special bond between the two of you and you can still have date night we do just get a babysitter every so often and you two go out to a movie or something you like to do hope everything goes well good luck!!

Answer 9

I just had my first child. It is scary becoming pregnant and knowing that you will have this little child that will depend on you. I loved being pregnant and the most facinating part is when your baby starts moving and you can feel him or her inside of you. I was scared of labor to, but as soon as I got to the hospital they gave me an epidural which numbs you from your belly button down and I was fine. I didn't feel any contractions and the actual birth and pushing it was just pressure it did not hurt at all. You will have nothing to worry about and when your child finally arrives you feel so good to be able to hold him or her in your arms. As for breastfeeding I am doing bothe breast and supplement there are lactation consultants if you are having problems with breastfeeding to help you. Good Luck to you! You have nothing to be scared of it's an amazing expierience.

Answer 10

I don't believe you're so afraid of having a baby, as you are of having one with this boyfriend. You should never... ever feel pressured to have a child, especially by someone who could never produce one themselves. It is, after all, your body.
Having a baby is freightening to every women,no matter how many they have...it can be different for everyone, everytime. There is some pain involved during childbirth, but there can be much more pain afterwards (for you as well as the child) if it is not in your heart to have one.
But do not worry.... when it is right, you won't feal fear or question it... it will happen and you'll be able to enjoy the experience.