Feminists, how would you feel about being able to do these things before becoming a feminist:?

Question

*Now, I know that many of you will already be able to do some or most of these things. I also predict that some of you will REACT to this by saying that men should be able to pick up socks off the floor, cook, clean, take care of children, and not be selfish, etc........., and that's a given.
-Be as ready to split if your man isn't good for you as you expect a man to be if his woman isn't good for him.
-Know your car's maintenance schedule and the concepts behind transmissions, engines, cooling systems, suspensions, tires, etc.
-Know yourself, your weaknesses, your strengths, your unreasonable expectations (if any). Gain an understanding of why you became a feminist, and be able to tell if those reasons are misguided.
-Know how and be willing to do DIY around the house, from smoking out gophers under the lawn to painting and floors.
-Be able to keep your cool and remain logical/accountable when discussing business (chores, money, how time will be spent) with the man you've chosen.

If you don't want to cater to men's expectations, then maybe you shouldn't date men, or expect to date very wimpy men.

Rainbow, my attitude is negative, not nihilistic.

Although I predicted it, I'm still impressed with the posts about DIY stuff. Also, I now know how unskilled DIY, done by a man or woman, can lead to injury. I came pretty close to some injuries during my last stint of home improvement.

Answer 1

Good Morning PortWine!!!

I don't think that any of these things need be related to feminism...they are good skills for any woman or man to know/have. (Some, like DIY perhaps, are better left to the professionals, as I have a broken toe right now to attest to the fact that I just can't lift everything. LOL.) And there will always be a division of tasks in any healthy relationship, based upon the strengths/weaknesses/preferences of both parties.

The list you provide sounds more like a competent individual who is responsible, mature and willing to try anything themselves first...before calling for help.

Answer 2

What a weird question. My boyfriend takes care of his stuff around the house, and is a great chef. He’s also has a generosity of spirit that negates this whole “selfish” men stereotype.

I take care of my car’s maintenance schedule (although I disagree with my dealership saying I need to change the oil every 2000 miles), and because my car’s still under warranty, I let the dealership do the mandated maintenance based on my car’s mileage.

My reasons for becoming a feminist are well founded – I have a right to do any job I have the aptitude and desire to do. No unreasonable expectations there.

I have hung sheetrock, painted rooms in the house, and other DIY projects.

Why would I not want to remain cool and logical when discussing things like chores and money?

Lastly, if you go into a relationship with the preconceived notions you expound, Port Wine, you’ll never get the most out of that relationship; you will continually set yourself up for a fall with that nihilistic attitude.

Answer 3

I am a feminist, but I still don't do one thing to my car. My husband takes care of it for me, and in his absence I have a good mechanic (cute too). For me, being a feminist means having the right and opportunity to achieve my goals, and fooling my car isn't one of them.

About gaining strength, etc... that is life-long for me. I'm always changing and learning more and becoming stronger, more successful, etc...Being the kid of a single mom, I think I've always been a feminist (believed that I have the equal right to take any opportunity), but actually taking opportunities has occured as I have developed confidence.
-- Doing things around the house...never thougth twice about it, do what needs to be done. More, laziness stops me than thinking that I need a man to do it (hanging blinds, etc...). Now, catching a mouse and putting it outside, honestly, that is an opportunity I would rather not take if my husband can do it. I would if I had to, but I would be creeped out.
-- Discussing money with hubby -- any couple _must_ be able to do this. Finance problems will ruin a relationship and handling $ is a basic life skill. There are different ways of handling it with a partner -- joint or separate accounts, who pays what bill, consulting on big purchases, etc...



Confidence comes with new experience and reflection, not so much with simply accepting a version of feminism as true, but that can be a good base.

Answer 4

Sorry but I am not going to live by what you beleive. We really can't live someone else's relationship for them.

I have a great mechanic- he and his partner (his wife) let me know when they estimate things need to get done.

I did/do my share of DIY - my hubby had the mechanical apptitude of a flea, this is not an insult, I actually thought it made him more human to me (he was a lawyer).

I recently installed a hardwood floor in my family room, the 12 year old girl next door was my assistant. I have the rquisite tools to go with - miter saw, table saw, jig and circular, drills, routers, nail guns, etc.....I hate to paint! However, after I fell off the ladder (fixing the garage door opener) and now have a titanium plate in my wrist, lots of chores are hired out.

Considering my undergrad major was econ, and I have a MPA, and my doctorate is management, I think I understand business concpets AND theory ( I even know how to develop new theories).

Answer 5

1. I imagine any self respecting person would do this.
2. I grew up in a major city and with the exception of college have always lived in major cities so having a car never made sense.
3. I think I know myself pretty well, probably as well as anyone can know herself.
I don't know how to address the "when you became a feminist" bit. It was never a big transformation for me. I grew up in a family that was very concerned with social justice and activism, which included a concern for women's rights as well as other things. As I gained a more individual sense of self/consciousness and began to identify what areas of study/work/engagement with the world suited my views, feminism was at the forefront. I don't know what reasons you think would be misguided, maybe "I hate men, thus, I became a feminist"? That certainly wasn't my feeling.
4. I know how to do things around the house. I certainly don't know how to smoke out gophers. I would have to go to the zoo to do that, but I can do things that need to be done.
5. Is this a women are irrational thus I must ask question? Oi. In my family, I'm the one who is most responsible with money/keeping accounts which is fine. My partner is a bit more creative and whatnot and if it was left to him, I think our checkbook would never even resemble balanced.

Anyway, I answered all of this but I don't know if it's interesting to you because there was never a firm line of demarcation between when I was a feminist and when I wasn't.

Answer 6

Very interseting because I think women are prone to settle for the same reasons that are metioned above, however pretty much everyones objective is to ultimatly not to be alone, die alone, and to have a witness to ones life.Before I was married I had a fear of being involved and getting hurt . and now that I have married my worst fear is that one day I might be alone, with know one. Its basically the same type of fear so you really are in a no-win situation. The goal in life is to appriciate every thing that you do have and enjoy whatever positives are in ones life. For example, though your friends are complaining of married life, they do love the fact that they are not alone and that they have a companion. As for you, you appriciate the fact that you have the freedom you have, but dont want to be alone to have a companion. So another good question to ask is why is what we do have in life never good enough and why do we all look for more?

Answer 7

1. Sure
2. Maintenance schedule, sure - there's a little sticker in the top left corner of the windshield that says when the car needs to be taken in for an oil change. Aside from that, I can pay someone to do all that for me - it's not necessary knowledge. Besides, I take the subway to work.
3. Sure
4. Sure
5. Sure

Answer 8

You don't need to be a feminist to do these things - any modern, independent woman can do all that and much more (like pick up ur dirty socks, take care of the kids, clean up ur mess, etc.).
We just gotta leave something to men (for them to feel important), ain't we? :)

Answer 9

Your relationship might be in a very serious trouble, when you start making lists of responsibilities and comparing them... Healthy relationships are build on a teamwork. I should know, my own marriage is 17 years old and going strong. You see, we don't count chores, we just do them together. That is why our relationship works.

Answer 10

I do not believe you know what feminism is! Feminism is about cultural and political equality, not household chores which can be done by any sex. I know men that cannot perform the points you've listed above.