I even tried to instigate sex, turned me down. When home he focuses on sports on t.v. or naps in his chair. The weather is about our only conversation. When he have had general conversation, he usually cuts me down, belittles me. When I come in from doing my parents dinner (I've worked all day) he will be sitting, waiting, then ask when am I cooking dinner. He helps with nothing. He played golf Saturday and Sunday, I had to be at my parents on Saturday but was home on Sunday. I got the laundry done and some housework, but he asked why I hadn't grocery shop and what were we having for dinner. I checked his cell fone, found a cell number for "M". Got a search report it belongs to a 74 yr old woman, I got her address and know she has grown daughters. Is he jealous over my obligations to my parents? I don't know where to begin or what to do. Between my job, parents and this I can't take much more.
2007-09-24 01:46:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, you are in a hard situation. You worry about your parents, and if something does not change, you are going to lose your husband!
I can understand his frustration. You go to work, and then go to your parent's home. You cook them dinner. You then come home and are upset because he asks what is for dinner!
He goes to work. He comes home to an empty house. He feels like he does not matter to you as much as your parents do. If you spend 20 hours a week at your parents, you are spending at least 2 hours every day there, and then more time on the weekends!
He feels like you have chosen your parents over him. He never sees you and when he does, you are tired and expect him to be supportive! He is feeling rejected, and is lashing out because of that!
You need to make some serious changes in what you are doing! If your parents are unable to cook or clean for themselves, you should either look into assisted living, or a home aid service! Rather than going over there every day to cook for them, why not make meals at home for your husband, and make enough extra that you can take some to your folks and microwave it for them the next day!
He is playing lots of golf because it is something to do, that he enjoys! Your sex life is down because he does not feel that you care. You have put the distance between you by spending more time caring for your parents than your husband! You may be able to save your marriage, but you can not continue the way you are now!!
2007-09-24 03:20:30 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think he is jealous of the time you spend with your parents. Sounds like you have your hands full. Maybe compromise, maybe cut down to going over your parents house about 3-4 times a week and either have another sibling over to help your parents, and if you have no sister or brother you may want to think of hiring someone to look in on them when you are unable to. Marriage is a commitment that needs to be honored. I do think your husband is not being reasonable, does he ever see your parents with you? It is kinda hard trying to be running two house holds. I know how you feel i have done it. But there is a time you get to realize you can't let your own home fall apart in the process. I hope i helped some. Best of luck
2007-09-24 02:05:06 · answer #2 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like he does have a problem. Did he behave this way before you had to take care of your parents? He does sound jealous of your time with them. Is he rightfully jealous or not? I guess I need more details. Are there other people to help care for them? Is he always demanding and not doing anything or has he "gone on strike"? Talking to him to reach a compromise might be the first step. If that does no good, then I say lose him.
2007-09-24 04:57:03 · answer #3 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
WHAT YOUR DOING WITH YOUR PARENTS IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IN LIFE! I understand your marriage is not good right now and this is a tough one to answer. Did you think about discussing this with a counselor? Perhaps you and your hubby should see someone and get the cards out on the table. Or you can take a different approach...Find time for you! Yes its tough taking care of elderly parents i took care of my mom for so many years until the day she recently died(and i was there when she took her last breath) If you don't do for yourself you wont be of any use to anyone elts.
2007-09-24 02:11:49 · answer #4 · answered by robin r 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Yes he is probably jealous of your devotion to your parents. I'm sure he feels resentful that he's not the main recipient of your attention. Admittedly, if I was in his shoes, I would feel a quite put out as well, but then again you are in a tricky situation. Perhaps you might want to share the duties of looking after your parents with another relative?
If he has gone off you physically, it could be because he's into somebody else. If you have any suspcians, pay close attention to them - because you are probably right.
He clearly doesn't respect you because of the way he treats you. Sit him down and have a good chat, and find out what is going on. Hopefully he will be honest with you and you can start to work things out from there on in. Express how you feel and give him a chance to do the same, and hopefully you will air your differences and work them out.
Best of luck xxxx
2007-09-24 02:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by Damo 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Decide who you want to be with - your parents or your husband.
I don't blame him for acting the way he is. He doesn't want to play second fiddle to your parents. You married him - so either act the part of a wife, or leave & go look after your parents.
Don't try & throw all the blame on him.
2007-09-24 02:06:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
you are right he is probably jealous that your parents are getting a lot of attention from you than him.
you can begin by having a heart to heart talk with him telling him how you feel and how all this development is really affecting you.
also in between your busy schedule try and devout quality time for your husband
2007-09-24 01:58:45 · answer #7 · answered by black&proud 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I had a similar situation with helping to care for my parents, but my husband was in there helping more then me. Even at home he started helping with the wash, cooking most of his own meals and did almost all the shopping. So, yes your husband is being a selfish pig.
2007-09-24 01:53:56 · answer #8 · answered by LAL 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
Have a talk with him.Maybe its not to late.Tell him how you feel that your running ragged taking care of your parents and all the house work and etc.Stress to him how you feel.Or mention couseling.If he dont want that then he dont care to fix things.
2007-09-24 01:59:00 · answer #9 · answered by Gemini 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
He is being completely selfish and childish to begin with. My first thought as I read your question was this man is having an affair......next....you deserve loving, supportive behaviour from your husband and do not stand back and accept what he is dishing out to you any longer. Calmly let him know what you need from him and how it makes you feel when you dont rec'v it. If that doesnt work.......well, you have some decisions to make about your relationship with him.
2007-09-24 02:02:51 · answer #10 · answered by Janet 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋