Have you ever seen anyone laid to rest?

Question

in the chapel of rest the smell and the colour of that pearson will never leave me i did not want to see this but i was told by loads you should go and i cant forget it its in my mind loads this was my mother

my first answer good bless

Answer 1

Firstly, my sincere condolences for your loss. You are on an emotional roller-coaster at the moment but, believe me, the memory of seeing your mother in the funeral parlour will fade, and you will be left with the special memories you have of when your mother was alive.

I don't think it was fair (although probably very well-meaning), of the people who told you you 'should' go to see your mother. I know a lot of people find it helps to bring closure on the life of the person who has died, but I believe it should be left up to the individual to decide.

My mother died last month, and a lot of my nieces and nephews did not want to see her in her coffin - but that was their choice - no harm done. I miss my mother really badly but I accept that her time had come. I think about her every day - and smile - she was a wonderful lady - and I'm sure yours was too. Mothers are very special people.

Sadly, as we get older, we are faced with death more often, but we have to accept it as part of life. We are born, and the only thing we know for certain that will happen to us, is that we will die. There is nothing morbid in that; death is not separate from life, it is part of life.

I hope the many happy memories you have of your mother will bring you comfort in the days ahead.

Answer 2

Losing a parent is never easy. I understand your angst. You must focus on the positives of this persons life and revel in the joys of your times together. Whatever you experienced in the chapel was just a brief moment in time and had nothing to do with her life. Lay that to rest.... focus on something other than that. Take it from me I know, I wasted twenty years of my life focusing on the last two weeks of my mothers life and her funeral rather than celebrate all of the good things about her life. That was a waste of time and took so much out of me.... it made the diference between success and failure. Everytime the memory of the "smell" or of what you saw that day comes into your mind replace it with something good about her in life. Think of it this way.... would you want to be remembered as a smell in a funeral parlor? or a ceremony? Do not do that to her. She would not want y ou to feel that way... nor would you want her to remember you and feel that way. You are traumatized right now and need help.... talk to someone if you can.... move on with your life, that is waht your mother would want for you.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss but going to the chapel helps us to accept the death and know our loved ones are with Jesus and will never suffer and always be happy. The first funeral I went to was a neighbors baby when I was 7 years old. I knelt by the casket and begged GOD to bring this sweet baby back to life. When that didnt happen I went hoe and cyed myself to sleep.because every day after school I would visit that baby and I loved her so.Since then I lost my husband, my parents, a brother,and one sister.It never gets easy.

Answer 4

I seen both my granparents laid to rest as its irish tradition to have a wake etc, i was hesitant at first but im so glad i did it,yes you have the image in mind for a while but its better then wondering if only.
They look peaceful and its a nice way to say goodbye i think,it should be done more often in this country,theres suce a stigma attached to death people hate to face it.

Answer 5

I saw my Nan in the chapel of rest & today I'm going to see my father in Law....

Edit: Thankyou Beebee, he was very peaceful & no longer suffering, I don't have any regrets about seeing my nan & FIL, I'd only regret not going to say goodbye.

Answer 6

Oh you poor thing! Its such a hard hard thing to do, you go because you don't want to regret not going to say goodbye and when you do go you sometimes wish you hadn't. In time you will be glad you got to say your goodbyes to your mum, its in your mind at the moment because its still all raw and fresh but in time you'll start to focus more on the good memories you have of your mum, I promise.

Answer 7

I know the pain you feel. I was ten when my brother died, we never got to see him because the nature of his passing wouldn't allow it, but when my father died, I insisted on going to see him. I wish I hadn't.
I feel it's best to let your memories and love help you remember those who leave us, my fathers passing is forever tainted by the experience you describe.
Try your best to blot out this memory and focus the things which remind you most of your mother, with my dad it was Brylcream and his total inability to whistle in tune. I always smile when I hear someone whistle ' Danny Boy' as never in 38 years did I hear him get it right.
Be strong and focus on the fondest memory, the bad ones tend to fade away.

My condolences to you for your loss.

Answer 8

I did, but I think I was in so much of a daze I can't really remember much about it, could be a blessing I guess but i think it's so much of a personal thing, everyone reacts in their own way to losing a loved one......

Answer 9

Yes, I went to say goodbye to my 13 year old nephew, and it hurts like hell to this day, I dream of him lying there, although he looked so peaceful I find it difficult to see him as he was now.

Answer 10

Yes, my Papa. And I miss him so much. I stood beside his coffin and looked at him for a long time thinking I'll never see him again.