i'm getting engaged to my boyfriend very soon. we ha a conversation lst night and he tells me that he doesn't trurst anyone as much as he trusts his mother. In a nutshell, i dcan't remember the ins and outs but he's saying he doesn't trust me 100% the only person in his life he can trust is his mother. I felt kinda insulted by that and not sure if that is a good start for a marriage...what happens when were without hi mother, am i just a second in line but never live up to what she is?
question: is this normal and is this a bad sign before marrige?
2007-09-21 23:47:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know how long you two have been dating. I could yabber senslessly about trust being earned, but the simple fact is it all comes down to respect. If he respects you because your actions are respectable and you have good character and a positive attitude, then he's going to trust you. If you haven't earned that level of respect yet, then it's either your behavior, character, attitude or the fact that you haven't known each other long enough that is getting in the way of earning that level of respect. Why rush into marriage?
2007-09-22 02:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust is important. But when he tells u he doesn't trust u 100% it doesn't mean he doesn't trust u at all. U must be 2nd in line bt don't try to take his mother's place. To be fair, his mum shud not try to take ur place in matters of importance as well. Its ok if he trusts u nxt to his mother but I can't understand why he needed 2 tell u this. Mayb he's jus nervous abt the marriage which is common in many guys. So....talk openly abt how bad u feel n then u can make any decisions. U can figure out a soln. only after an open conversation wit him. Depending on wat u get frm his mouth after u both talk u urself can decide whether this is normal or not. At the same time I wud advice u not to be so particular abt each and every word he says
2007-09-22 06:55:07 · answer #2 · answered by Atieno 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is. Once you got married, you must give all your trust to your partner, that includes the TRUST that you are going to earn. You are suppose to be together for better and for worst TILL DEATH DO YOU PART. Probably the reason he told you about his mother, because he still believes that "mother knows best". But soon afterwards you are going to be a mother as well. Just a piece of advice, know your fiance very well before you jump into marrying him.
2007-09-22 07:00:22 · answer #3 · answered by mandaragat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He trusts his mother 100% because she has proven herself trustworthy over the entire course of his life.
Have you proven yourself 100% trustworthy to him the entire time that you have known each other?
That does not begin and end with not screwing around behind his back either!
Give it time, maybe you will earn that same status, if you are deserving in his eyes and in his heart, not yours!
To answer your original question, NO, trusting your partner 100% is not a part of marriage just because you decide to get married.
Can you even trust yourself 100%, at all times, and with everything, everyone, and in every situation.
I know that I can't!
Sometimes it is better to accept that everybody has their own limitations and keeping yourself out of certain situations, away from certain company, and abstaining from certain activities when your spouse is absent (like drinking alcohol), is the most effective way of earning trust and being able to trust yourself.
I am not saying that you can control the environment and everything 100% of the time, but the fewer compromising positions and situations that you ALLOW yourself to be in, the less likely you will be to ever betray those who want to trust you and most of all, it will make it much easier for you to remain true to yourself and your own sense of dignity.
2007-09-22 08:08:27 · answer #4 · answered by runninfool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe it is normal or healthy. Yes I trust my mother, there is no question about that. But I trust my wife 100%. I'm not saying she is perfect or that I am. I am far from perfect, but I trust my wife totally. Sorry to say but if he don't trust you now it is not going to get better as it goes.
2007-09-22 06:54:31 · answer #5 · answered by dsrtrat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some men say that.....maybe he has been hurt from a past relationship. I was engaged before I got married to my hubby, the man hurt me like hell!! I still have some issues with trust.....just little ones....with cheating and stuff. (my ex cheated on me)....talk with him, and don't worry. Some people will always worry a little....human nature. They are afraid of getting hurt
2007-09-22 06:51:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's actually great that he trusts his mother
honey.. the worst thing is if u compare urself with his mother cuz "mom love" is something and "fiance'/wife love" is something else
most important things are:
- u become his mom's best friend
- second, (and u should tell him about that) that he doesnt let anyone interfer in his marriage life even if it was his mom
GooD LucK ^__^
2007-09-22 07:01:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that he trusts his mother, but he should also trust you just as much if he is planning on marrying you.
2007-09-22 06:51:40 · answer #8 · answered by Jen G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hold it a bit...want to ruin a good relationship just come between a man and his mother...that is his life giver...life is too short to fight over this...next it will be the way you or he puts the toilet paper on the roll...
2007-09-22 06:53:18 · answer #9 · answered by Patti_Ja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a sign that he needs to marry his mother.
2007-09-22 07:33:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋