I don't know what to do?

Question

I wish I could just spill out 1/2 my worries but I won't go on and on, so anyway my husband and I are getting divorced. Turns out he had been seeing someone else for at least 3 mos. before I found out myself, and since I have moved out of the house, he pretty much started moving her in the very day. This has been going on over the past 2 months and we have a baby together, so I have to have some contact with him. After all he's done to me (he moved all my things on the front lawn then told me to come get it, I didn't even get 2 pack my own things, but I came back with cops to go through the house later) not forgetting the intimidation and violence that had increased about the time he started with that whor*....how can I get over this and move on with my life? He obviously has. Without dating so fast, because Ive already made that mistake...

Answer 1

don't exaggerate things. take your problems in an objective point of view, weigh the pros and cons of each decision to make, and MAKE the decision. good luck!=)

Answer 2

First thing that comes to mind when I see 'intimidation and violence' coupled with 'we have a baby together' is to make sure the child's welfare is protected.

There are some things that you get over and some that you live with. The best thing you can do is maintain a positive attitude and remove yourself from the situation as much as possible. If you have an infant it will take a few years before you might end up at the same soccer game watching your child while the father is also there. In the interim be a good mother and be good to yourself.

Work, get a hobby, answer other peoples questions and try to help. Be a role model. The more positive things you do like that the better you should feel and you will have earned it. You may want to seek some professional counseling, but try to keep a straight head and make it through the rough months with your own strengths and your support group. Call your friends or make new ones.

There are lots of single mothers out there and they can be the backbone you need to face life, they can be the spring in your step and the smile on your face. Try to think positive.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am sorry for what is happening to you. It must be difficult to endure. I think you are wise to be wary of getting into a new relationship, especially since there is so much to be worked out between you and your ex, with the baby and all.

Remember that you are better off without this relationship as a marriage. Realize that you still have a relationship with him, but that the focus is now on the best interests of the child. If necessary, take him to court or a mediator, to work out the custody details. This will likely save you a lot of stress, even though it might be hard at first. It will pay off in the end. Meanwhile, give yourself time to recover and grieve the loss of a relationship-- a marriage. There will be times you will be lonely, times you will question yourself and doubt your decisions, but give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You are doing the right thing in leaving this marriage.

Answer 4

Friends and family, nothing can get you back in the saddle better than good friends and a loving family that are there for you, these people will always be your true foundation. Think of all of the great things you do have, you have a healthy baby that Im sure will keep your time occupied, start doing things with friends, things for yourself that Im sure you have neglected to do in a long time. Look at new challenges, maybe go for that dream job you wanted, or go back to school and take on a whole new career. Remember, life can take twists and turns for better or worse at any moment, it is you that has to find the good in it and move forward, there are opportunities in everything that happens, whether it be good or bad, you just need find them.
Honestly, from what you described above, look at this as a blessing, you should have a huge weight lifted off your shoulders, you get to do anything you want, be anyone you want to be, go anywhere you want to go without him holding you back. His loss!

Answer 5

Try to think like I do when things go bad. This is for the better. I know you don't want to hear that now, but you'll see. I thought I would die when my first husband left me with a kid. Now I see that he has made nothing of his life and has no ambition. I am with a wonderful (younger) man that accepts my kid and thinks the world of me. What goes around, comes around. If she knew about you, her life will always be miserable. Think, she has to live her life as a whor*. Once a cheater....Be the better person and don't do anything to make yourself look desperate or stupid. (been there done that and have the teeshirt!) I realized that I wouldn't be happy living the life my x lives, he found someone that loves his lifestyle and we are good friends. Im friends with his wife (she's German, and I used to call her the German Shepherd) and she is great with our kid! Her parents love our kid and everything worked out for the best. There are good men out there that accept ladies with children so don't let that bother you. Just speaking from experience. I hope everything works out for you. Your life isn't over!

Answer 6

You have to concentrate on you and your child. there is no magic way to get you over this and your going to hurt and be mad and sad and all kinds of things for some time to come. If you want to dump stuff find an email from somebody that makes sense and spill it if you have no one close to you. You and your child are the important ones now. Make sure that he pays for playing around and throwing it in your face. He sounds like a class A asshole. You should find an outlet for what you have to get out. You were the wronged party and you should concentrate on you and your child. Good Luck to you and your child, make him pay.

Answer 7

im so sorry you are going through this , im on my third marriage and my first husband beat me and cheated over and over again , moved his girl in same day i took off , but she got beat for 3 years and i was nice to her just because i didnt want to see anyone get hurt like me

dont get in a hurry to find a man , it feels like at the time its all good but its not , you are hurting rite now , soon it will be angar and then revenge , atleast that is how i felt

try to find girlfriends to do stuff with and keep yourself busy , how about a new look and clothes , that would be fun rite , dont hold back tears , you cant you need to cry and get it out , remember it isnt anything you did , he did this to you , he is a total *** the way he did it , i hope you get feeling better , take care

Answer 8

Get profesional help in order to help yourself to let it go all what happened, not without learning whatever you have to learn about that lesson, better think that you are better out of that kind of relationship than stay in a mistake and unhappy life.

Take care yourself for you and for your baby, that what really matters, perhaps even is a bless that you don't have to bare an asshole for husband, better for you and for your baby, you'll be able to show for the baby that there are decisions that make life better as well for you.

The problem is not that people act as ........ well, not polite, no, the problem is to let them go on an go on, I really believe that your chances for having a good life by your own are bigger now.

The therapy help will allow you to learn to forgive yourself, and to forgive him (in a certain level) in order to not have any thoughts about him neither of bother neither bad at all, and when that happens you are living again your own life, without regrets, blames, and crap that can make your life miserable, no, move on.

It was a bad scene, he act as an animal, that's past. Now and future, you an your baby, that's how you have to see the day, today and the next day. Lessons are rude to the feelings, to the pride, but that make us humans that make the best choice the next time in all the areas of our lives.

Keep on Woman, take care that heart of yours and teach your baby what life really is, not sad moments. now that's your option given.

Answer 9

I think you are very strong and smart...You have the child, you got the cops to go help you get your stuff..and guess what Missy, you lost all that excess weight...your ex- husband..you are better off without him..and as for her...she will get the same done to her..he will do it to her too...in time he will get tired of her..or she will do it to him..she has no respect getting involve with a Man that has a family....What goes around will come around..and if you want to e-mail me we can talk..ok..you will do just fine.think of you and your child...and you will do great...good luck god bless

Answer 10

Just take care of your child and enjoy life. Take it easy. You don't have to rush into dating until you are ready again. If you find someone, just make sure you dont make the same mistake again. Don't worry about it too much though. someone will appear in your life, and they will be very lucky to have you!

Answer 11

You have to shift focus. You need to focus on God, your child, and YOU. It has probably been awhile since you've focused on you. But this is extremely important.
Oh, but the most important thing is that when he comes begging you back (it will happen, just depends on when), don't get involved with him again!!!!! He won't stay long and it will only reverse what you have already worked on....