Is shame natural ?

Question

or do you believe that culture/ family background can cause this feeling? Do you consider shame as one pillar of socialization in all societies? And do you think it's a necessary feeling?

thanx for your answers and have a wonderful weekend :)

Answer 1

shame is absolutely taught and different cultures/religions/social groups consider different things shameful...

i believe it is a horrible method of getting people to behave, it is the main method many use to control and can cause life-long pain and keep one stuck in low self esteem and consumed with guilt and judgment (what will the neighbors think? or feeling guilty about natural desires)

there is a big difference between shame and awareness-lessons can be learned when you teach empathy and compassion~
recognizing error, with regret... and doing what is necessary to fix it, or to move forward from it without feeling guilty and inflicting more pain..liberation

Answer 2

Shame can act as a form of social punishment. I mean, besides the laws and economic regulations that a society imposes upon its members, shame(social, that is) can be a powerful incentive against doing something that the society considers improper or taboo. I do believe that it is a necessity in a well-functioning society in maintaining codes of behavior that promote social stability.

But, the sense of shame arises as a consequence of learning what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' in a society. For example, if one were raised in a society that considers nudity to be a norm, then she might feel embarrassed wearing Victoria's Secret lingerie in front of some ignudos.

I do believe that though it is necessary for the proper functioning of a society in curbing the passions and innuendos of its members, it is unnecessary for an individual. I believe that that if one is not doing anything 'wrong' to someone else then why be afraid? Why be ashamed? Being ashamed to be oneself is indeed very shameful.

Answer 3

I think family and religious upbringing play a part especially if your parents were strict with you and ultra conservative and put you down in any way or manipulated their parent skills to you as a child which is wrong!!! Also the culture to ever go on vacation and see how free other cultures are but true that it depends on the weather as well not to feel a shame to walk around half naked hehehe. I think it is a feeling that we can do with out mainly is because it hurts us and not helps us grow and take good and positive chances in our lives :)))

Answer 4

Shame is not natural. Shame is a byproduct of a particular behaviour directed at someone or to the self. Shame is the emotional outcome of a situation where humiliation is involved.

"You should be ashamed of yourself for X" is an attempt to elicit shame in another through a public humiliation of wrong doing. Shame can only be experienced where on is taught to accept notions of wrong.

Answer 5

Very good question for all of us to think about. This is absolutely taught and the result is the dreaded guilt, which takes so much work to undo. How do we un-teach shame once it's so owned? Courage is the tool so needed to let go of all resentments toward the world that we internalize and thus take on shame and resentments toward 'self.' We then hate how weak we have been or how blind to our inner strength and potential. We want to come back to our sense of being that is of beauty and innocence, that is EQUAL to all, deserving and worthy of Love and Mercy.
As parents, let us wake up and pay attention to the ways we inflict shame on our children without seeing it at times. Let them not be orphaned by indifference, or neglect. Teach love with love, not fear. Parenting is without a doubt our most important job here, as we are shaping the next generation.
Cultivate Peace, kindness, Love and Mercy in you and this you will teach......

edit: Just a brief follow up (don't get me started on religious indoctrination) If we could think of people, children, making 'mistakes', or 'errors of judgment,' that can be corrected, rather than 'sins' that have to be punished over and over. This whole idea of 'sin' and punishment renders a sense of not being able to redeem one self, and this is how shame digs in deeper and deeper, leaving guilt and hopelessness.
Thanks Zentrinity, for this reminder, as your point is well taken....

Answer 6

Shame isn't natural. It's a human invention of control, like guilt, and fear of Hell. Many parents, like priests, use it, having suffered it. It's only necessary because people are not taught how to think rationally. So in a way shame, being a substitute for clear thought, is an obstacle to human development. We can learn from what we regret - but shame and guilt can turn regrets into hot potatoes we cannot bear to think about. And failing to think locks us into ignorance and folly.

Answer 7

Is it "normal", I don't know. Is it common, absolutely! I remember being really attracted to Patrick Steward when I was young when he was Captain Picard and King Triton from The Little Mermaid (but I was embarassed to admit that one to my friends) I'm pretty sure all women are attracted to power and intelligence and it's uncommon to find those things in young men. Crush all you want be remember that acting on these can be very risky. Many older men are married and if you act on these instincts, you could ruin families and get them jail time. So I say, enjoy your fantasy and when the time is right and you are more mature, you will find a man around your age that excites you the same way, I did.

Answer 8

Shame is a natural and a necessary feeling. It is a painful sense of guilt or degradation caused by consciousness of guilt. Indeed it is one of the pillar of socialization in a society. In some countries, leaders who have found to commit grave offense and because of shame have to quit their office. Infact in Japan, they will commit harakiri out of shame.

Answer 9

Conscience (in moderation) is good, I think: keeps us from doing wrong.

If overdone can turn into irrational guilt.

Keep the conscience as a guide, I'd say - get beyond the guilt.

There's no use crying over spilt milk.

Confess it & move on.

We've all done similar things, and have / will have to move on.

Laying things open, to a friend, priest or counsellor is very healing.

It's called "Catharsis", in Psychology.

Can be quite 'magical'. :-)

A friend once told me "even if it's to a rock or a tree" - lay things open, confess, talk about your problems...

Someone will hear. :-)



Edit:


Maybe it is a bad thing...


I just don't know. :-)


Thanks Rena.

Answer 10

Well honey, shame is one way that will teach everyone of us some things we have to learn in life though. As the saying goes:

"Failure Is The Mother Of Success."

Cheers everyone and have a nice week ahead :)