I have tried to be civil and alow her to start a relationship with my kids but asked her not to have contact with me. Even thou she conctently feels the need to try to control the situation with my ex and my self and kids. Its not her family..right? I told him today that i need a break from the situation, becuase its not going well. It was then turned into "im not alowing him to have the kids because i dont like her". Im confused and sick of hitting my head against the wall. Please offer your advise!
2007-09-21 16:55:45 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no its not her family but if she and dad are dating, she is 'involved' in the picture. that does not grant the right to call the shots on decissions that were yours and his b4 she came along. instead of avoiding her, give her what she wants and put your foot down in the process. tell her, u might have to accept the fact she is around but you don't have to be her friend to stop trying so hard, cuz at this point in time you just arent in the mood, and another thing, she didnt give birth to those kids, and you were calling the shots long b4 she came along and last time you checked she wasn't your first pick to be the one to give the job to. so until you decide otherwise, work on being friends with the kids not you, they will be around her more than you will and she's wasting time on trying to impress the wrong ppl.
2007-09-21 18:01:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a relationship where I am the "girlfriend" of the wife's ex. I just wanted to give yu an answer that (might) come from her side. I don't know what YOUR situation is, but MINE is that the wife is taking every dime that my fiance makes, an then some. I have sent her money for the "bills" from my own paycheck, and we have giving up our home to live in the living room of a friend. I was never asked to not contact her, but I do on some stuff, such as my bridesmaids dress for the daugter, and even trying to work a surprise visit for us being they are in a different state. I do discuss the money issues with my fiance though, and will be demanding change. It is effecting my life for her to want every dime we make. My son (not my fiance's) has even had to go on cut backs because of the exwife.
Anyways, there is alot more, but you don't really care about that. What I am getting to is the fact that MAYBE (not trying to put words in your world or aything) there is something that you are doing that may bug her. Probably not the money thing (or so I hope) and not with holding the kids from what you said, but maybe there is something else thats buging the "girlfriend" that you may not even realize. I hope this helps at all, but if not I am sorry to waste your time.
Good luck with everything!
2007-09-21 17:59:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the only reason you have a problem with her is that you don't want to talk to her, then you don't really have a complaint.
If the children are affected by her behavior, that is another story. Unless there is a real reason, you can't necessarily withhold the children from their father. If it's so important to you, go to court and have a visitation order drawn up.
BTW how are you being civil if you say it's ok for her to contact your kids, but you don't want to talk to her? I would never in a million years, let someone near my kids who I couldn't talk to, watch or find. I agree that you ARE confused.
Raise your kids. Don't alienate the father. You will have another boyfriend, eventually, and baby's daddy won't like him either. You are all adults so do what you have to do to raise the children with as nurturing and safe environment as possible.
Who gives a s--- that you don't like your ex's new flame. Who does?!?!
2007-09-21 17:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by Tellin' U Da Truth! 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ummmmmmmm i dont see why u should have any contact with her.. I mean.. he comes and picks up the kids.. you hand him the kids and go back in your house.. whats the big deal??? You dont have to talk to her, u dont have to answer to her.. so why is this tearing u up inside so badly.. is it actually her, or the fact that ur x has moved on with someone , and she could be the sweetest person in the world and if thats the case (u being jealous) then it wouldnt matter u'd still find a reason to not like her.. i just dont see where the problem is?????? You dont need to talk to her on the phone.. unless its a must, u discuss things with him and only him, you hand the kids over to him and only him.. so wheres the contact??????? And btw.. whether u like her or not.. as long as she's not doing any harm to your children, u have to let him see his kids... u cant with hold them just cause u dont like her..
2007-09-21 17:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to your x about this the only reason the two of you should be communicating is about the kids, i am in a step mom role my self and neither side is equal, my stepdaughters mom ALWAYS tells me well she does this wrong cuz of you and she does this because of you things like being self consious as a 12 yr old who is starting puberty, her mom is a psycho i would never tell her mom that to her face or in front of his daughter because you can't force the kids to choose one or the other, that isn't fair of you try to be nice and if you don't want her involved don't expect her to support the kids either or use her as a door mat, been there done that getting ready to break up over it good luck to you
2007-09-21 18:44:51 · answer #5 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but when it comes to Children i pull no punches.....What I'm seeing here is resentment dear. I'm sorry but if you want the brutal truth here it is. You don't like her so you want no contact with her out of resentment. You don't have to see her and if she happens to be there at a child exchange, be CIVIL! It is NOT HEALTHY FOR THE CHILDREN TO WITNESS THIS!!!! Let their home be their home. In time you will find anouther man if you have not already and you, all the same, will not want him dictating your home and new relationship. Each of you should be encouraging of the childrens' relationships in the other home ALWAYS!!! And NEVER, EVER let them witness discontent! This behavior has VERY damaging and life long effects on those children. "Allow" her to start a relationship with YOUR kids? Hunny, they're HIS kids too and even as their Mother you do NOT have the right to dictate what happens in his home. You have to trust in his ablities as a Father. You may not like my answer but any counselor is going to tell you the same as i unless you resort to fabrications. I'm seeing that you've created (Out of resentment) the very wall you beat your head on. I am a divorced Mother myself and we NEVER, EVER speak poorly of one anouther and certainly not in front of my daughter.
2007-09-21 17:16:48 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. K 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's interesting to hear your side of the story. I am the father with the girlfriend who is trying to develop a relationship with my sons. I know that they sometimes feel like she is trying to be too much of a mother to them. I know that as the guy, in the situation, I would want you to talk to your ex about how your feeling. But be warned, he may tell you to butt out of his home life. One of the things that is hard to understand about being an ex, at least for mine, is that she is no longer in control of what goes on at my home. So, please be civil to her and remember you should keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
2007-09-21 17:08:55 · answer #7 · answered by wildwillyinva 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
The best way to deal with this type of situation, is to be as sweet to the new girl as possible. Even if it kills you, because usually if you are nice, there's nothing that she can say to your ex that will make him take her side.
You also don't want to put your children in a situation where they are nice to her, behind your back, but in front of you, they act like as if they don't like her.
Lastly, if you show hostility towards her, this only gives your ex fuel to use against you, whenever he chooses.
Remember...you catch more flies with sugar.
2007-09-21 17:03:46 · answer #8 · answered by raticals.com 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should try to get along with this girl. If she is trying to have a relationship w/the kids, that is a good thing. Think about it....do u want ur kids to be around a mean lady? Do you want her to treat them nice? She may babysit for her boyfriend at times...and you want to feel safe about that. It is always better just to get along. The kids will also benefit. I wish my stepson and I were closer!!
2007-09-21 17:19:08 · answer #9 · answered by chilly 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do you really need this drama with your ex? Just let him spend time with his kids the way he should and if that involves her then so be it. As long as they are not doing anything inappropriate with your kids. You can not control everything. You don't have to be civil, just respectful. Lead by example. Don't punish your kids by preventing them from spending time with their dad, because ultimately they are the ones who suffer.
2007-09-21 17:03:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋