My husband has been trying for a few months to start a busisness. We have been living with seperate relitives because my mom can't stand him and his mom's place is to small. Unfortunately he hasn't been working steadily but does earn a bit here and there. We are trying to get back on our feet and together. He is looking for steady employment. We have 3 kids and have been married almost 10 years. Ok so here's my question If your family started telling you that you needed to go after child support to force his hand in getting a steady job what would you think they are saying? I ask because this is what my family is doing to me and when they say that knowing how they feel about him it makes me think like they're trying to tell me to divorce him with out saying it straight out. I'm so hurt by them right now so please don't be judgemental. I love him so much and can't imagine life with out him.
2007-09-21 16:33:08 · 10 answers · asked by renee70466 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did start a job last week. I home school so finding one I could do from home has been tough but i found someone who would hire me from home!
2007-09-21 16:46:02 · update #1
The only reason we are seperated is b/c our landlord increased our rent by like almost 400dollars and we couldn't afford it.
2007-09-21 17:02:52 · update #2
your first priority should be to get in a situation where you and your husband can live in the same house. It's not good to stay apart.
I'm not being judgemental but your family is waay out of line. They sound like they want to control your husband. I don't think you can get child support if you're not legally separated or divorced. They just want to "make" your husband do what they want him to do. It's our litigious societal attitude at work.
Your family is your husband and your kids. Those other people are your extended family. When you got married you left your old family behind to be ONE with your husband. You MUST NOT let them or anybody else get between you and your husband. If you are supportive of his business pursuits then don't let them turn you against him. If you are deeply concerned and want him to reconsider, out of concern for the welfare of your kids, then talk to your husband about how you feel. He needs to know all the issues surrounding his decisions / actions.
You and your husband are commited to each other. Nobody has a right to intervene in that relationship. Don't trust them if they do. Your love and loyalty is to your husband. Together you will be able to survive many hardships. Your husband is fortunate to have a wife as devoted as you.
Marriage is for life. No one has a right to interfere.
2007-09-21 16:50:04 · answer #1 · answered by SolaFide 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The thing is...(and I'm prepared for Thums Down, don't worry!) while some people are saying your relatives don't have a right to get involved....you and your husband have gotten them involved! After 10 years of marriage, you should have some kind of stability. You SHOULD NOT be living in seperate places. Sometimes, you have to take whatever job you can get. I know that my husband would go to work at McDonalds in the morning and Burger King at night to support me and our two children if he had to! It isn't fair to your 3 kids that they have no stability, that their mother and father can't live together and that their family doesn't have a place of their own to call home. I am not being judgemental, but your husband (and you!) need to do what you have to do to get your family back together. Of course these people are going to put their two cents in, you are in their house! Your situation is not normal by any means. Everyone always says they can't find steady work. The problem really is, they can't find steady work at doing what they want to do. Sometimes, you have to suck it up and do things that you don't want to do, at least for your children! They deserve a normal life!
2007-09-21 23:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How long have you been living separately? A friend of mine did this, her parents couldn't stand her husband (he was abusive to their daughter which she overlooked because she was in love). They ended up staying for years. As far as I know they stayed legally married and she would go to see him, but she and her family basically raised the kids. Every one can get down on their luck, but your family didn't take your kids to raise. He does need to come up with some sort of help to support the kids. Is he doing anything to help himself in the job market? There are alot of community based resources that will help pay for training, technical school or even college. He should be doing something. But if he is a bum, yes, your parents may be saying divorce him and move on. Maybe while your staying with your parents you may want to look at some educational opportunities.
Good luck!
2007-09-21 23:50:07 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who is more important here him or your kids,when we have kids they become first priority in your life. You say you home school so you can't get a reg. job and why can't he get a full time job. I know what kind of man your married to because i was married to one just like him he always had excises to why he couldn't hold down a full time job. What it came right down to he wanted to do what he wanted to do and no one was going to tell him what to do.Thank god we didn't have any kids together but he remarried and has 7 kids now and the whole family is on welfare. I understand you love your husband but sometimes love isn't enough. He isn't doing a very good job of taking care of his family now is he. I think you two need to forget about a business for now and focus on nothing else but getting a home for your kids.It's not good for your kids to see their own father can't take care of them and you,your parents can see that and you are so blinded by the love you have for him you can't even see that you are in for a long and hard and lonely life and i can't see you two ever getting back together. Why should he he has it made now no pressures no lectures from you to get a job he can come and go as he sees fit. Why give that up if he gets horny he comes around you and you take care of him. If i am wrong about all of this then i apologize but i don't think so. Sorry for being so honest but it's the only way i know and i think people need to hear the truth from time to time.
2007-09-22 01:20:55 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, let me tell you this. Don't you let your family cause you to lose your husband. If he doesn't have a steady job, and he's trying to start a business, then you stand with your man. If you took your family advice and it causes you to lose your husband, then they will be satisfied. Not you or the kids. I will say, find a place for you and the kids and your husband, even if it is smaller than a matchbox. When you married him, it became you and him against the world. Another thing... Stop telling your family what goes on in your family. Right now the situation is making him look weak, don't add fuel to the flame by telling them your business.
2007-09-21 23:52:53 · answer #5 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If what your family says upsets you maybe you and your husband need to get a home together right away so you do not have to listen to your family. I will tell you this...maybe you do need to scare him and make him think you are living if he does not keep his butt in gear and get a full time job....i can say that i am almost in your shoes as my husband cannot work a full week he calls out at least 1 Day a week and it is killing us financially. I did tell him he best get his butt to work everyday and thank god he has for the last 2 weeks because I too love my husband and do not want to be without him but I also have to show my kids that you have to be responsible in life.
2007-09-21 23:47:17 · answer #6 · answered by thats me 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First and foremost your family is not helping. They shouldn't put more pressure on you than the one you already have. They need to either help you some how, or butt out. In regards to your hubby, it is time for him to forget about that business that is not working out and get a real job. You guys need a steady income. I congratulate you because you guys are fighting together, that's what love is all about. He should write a resume, Microsoft works have some samples. I wish you guys the best, and to answer your question, do not pay attention to what your family is telling you. If you guys love each other, keep on trying, you'll get a break. God never let his people go hungry. Good luck and God bless you.
2007-09-21 23:53:35 · answer #7 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your family is trying to do just that. Child support is for relationships that is either separated before the divorce or divorced. There is no in between. If you love your husband maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to get a job and help get it back together. Good luck
2007-09-21 23:42:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why, my dear ,if he loves you doesn't he have a steady job and support you and your children? Starting a business takes a lot of time and money but it should never come before taking care of the ones that are suppose to be the most important in our lives! When my husband started his business he NEVER put that before us. We all stayed together and struggled together. I don't know what is going on in your lives, but I suggest you think long and hard,
2007-09-21 23:45:21 · answer #9 · answered by Karen S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your loyalties are to your husband. His loyalties should be to you and the children. Ask him to go with you to social services and get help to find a home that you can afford and share. It will be better than being separated.
While he is looking for steady employment, let him know that any job is better than no job.
2007-09-22 20:48:39 · answer #10 · answered by Janis B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋