My husband treats me like a child-yelling at me in front of the kids.He throws stuff at me-shoe,couch,rocking chair-never spends time with me or the kids. I hate it/him?! I actually looked up how much he would have to pay in child support-looked it up mths ago. We argued tonight about me only paying a bill $80 instead of $100 that he told me too and said that I always never listen to him. I just wanted to have $20 in the bank(broke). So I left him a note for when he comes home saying....... " Don't p*ss me off or else you'll be-alone- have no car - have to travel 5hrs away to see your kids - have no house cause I'd take half - and have to pay me $700+ a mth for child support and possibly alamony so be nice :) " And yes the smily is there too. Am I being mean. Should I forget about it. I'm just sometimes tired of being stepped on by my own husband:(
2007-09-21 16:23:09 · 21 answers · asked by Marge 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
stay at home mom-and tried to get a job but he said no
2007-09-21 17:07:11 · update #1
Bravo, sister! I applaud your bravery on that one. But please be careful here. You said that he berates you in front of the kids and throws things at you....He may get more violent when he reads that note.
But to answer your question, no, you are not being mean, you are just showing your anger at being treated like crap by someone who is supposed to love you.
2007-09-21 17:06:12 · answer #1 · answered by Ms. GTO 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well I could definitely understand your frustration. Honestly, I would leave a note that way but I know it's not the smart thing to do. I would try telling him look, I am your wife not something you can throw stuff at and belittle me in front of the kids. I would tell him he either needs to change his ways or you'll find someone who can love and appreciate you the way anyone deserves. If things do not change then I strongly suggest a divorce. Now, I am strongly against divorce(no offence to anyone what so ever) but I also know there is a limit to the emotional/physical abuse. If things do not change, then yes I would consider leaving him. I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. And maybe all it's going to take is for you to stand up and say hey look...im not going to take this crap anymore.
:-( I hope the best for you.
2007-09-21 23:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in an abusive relationship. Your threatening note was an immature and possibly dangerous thing to do. It WILL NOT make the situation any better. LIke most abusive relationships he needs to feel in control. You responded in kind and threatened to take over control yourself. I don't know how bad he is but that could be dangerous.
First and foremost you are both obilgated by your weddding vows to love one another. Every action should be out of love for your husband, your kids and yourself. IF he's abusive (and it sounds like he is) then he needs help and you do too. Therefore it's not loving to simply comply and try to appease him. You need to be assertive and let him know his boundaries. Throwing things is out of bounds.
Watch him closely. If he becomes more violent as you assert youself then GET OUT IMMEDIATELY. Don't threaten, don't warn him just do it. Call for help, don't put yourself at risk.
Above all you need to get some help from someone close by. Professional help is a good idea. Clergy might be good depending on the people you know.
Your safety is a top priority. Every action should be taken in love including getting yourself and your kids to safety if need be.
Pray a lot.
2007-09-22 00:04:56 · answer #3 · answered by SolaFide 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like he just wants someone to control. He also sounds like he has a terrible temper. I would leave and go to a shelter. They will help you get a job and support your kids. They will tell you how to get child support etc. He may love you, but its not a healthy love, as there does not seem to be much in this relationship for you. You and the kids deserve better. I am afraid for you. If you stay in this relationship he will need anger management and you will all need help of some kind. Also anger and throwing things etc. can be a sign of depression. Maybe he should see a doctor and find out what clinical depression is.
2007-09-22 01:18:19 · answer #4 · answered by knowitall 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a hard card to play. Once you have put the word divorce out there, you cannot take it back. If he is truly abusive, then leave. Communication and trust is a very important part of marriage. You are partners and neither of you should have to take orders from the other. All decisions should be mutual or at least a compromise is made. There is a good website called marriagebuilders.com, that has alot of good information if you want to improve your marriage. Good luck!
2007-09-21 23:54:05 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not threaten him. The guy doesn't sound real stable. IF you are going to leave, DO NOT WARN HIM OF IT. Just LEAVE. The fact is that most women are not killed in the abusive relationship. They are killed when they try to leave. If you think he'd never kill you, you are a fool. There are women whose husbands never even hit them and then just snap one day. He has already taken steps in a violent direction.
Goading him is childish and very, very stupid. Didn't you ever hear that saying, "Don't poke the bear"? That is what you are doing. You are waving a red flag in front of an angry bull's face. You can't play these kinds of games with somebody who behaves that way. You are going to get yourself hurt.
Are you being mean? No. You are being almost criminally foolish.
2007-09-21 23:34:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do I keep on seen the same mistakes all over this site? There is no reason enough in the world for a woman to stay in a relationship with an abusive husband. Leave him at once, what are you waiting for. He is disrespectful, treats you like if you were his child, probably doesn't even love you. What else do you need for you to realize that you are wasting your precious life living with a jerk? You deserve to be happy, you deserve to find someone that would give you love, support, understanding, respect, and more importantly that would care for you the way you deserve it. There are plenty of good men out there, and there is no reason to stay with one like that. I can't stand to see how women allow their husbands to abuse them. It shouldn't have to be like this. You are worthy of a better life, get out of this marriage and look for someone that will really care for you. Good luck.
2007-09-22 00:05:53 · answer #7 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't really think threatening him is the way to go. Does he know you're unhappy with the way he's behaving? Have you talked to him about this? I would have a good sit-down with him and tell him how you feel about everything. Express to him your concerns. If he isn't receptive, and you're decided you're just totally unhappy with things, then I would consider an alternative, such as leaving him. It sounds to me like he's somewhat abusive. Are you prepared to deal with that type of behaviour from here on out? it doesn't sound like it you are. Talk to him, if you don't have any results, make a list of your options and make the best decision for you and your kids. No one dserves to be abused.
2007-09-21 23:34:38 · answer #8 · answered by Elizabeth 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This sounds really sad. I hope for you and the kids that both of you seek counseling about the abuse before it escalates. If things can not be worked out, it is probably a good idea to leave, at least for a while. Sorry and good luck whatever you do.
2007-09-22 01:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by WAYNE M 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get out and take the dudes money for child support and allimony. Just don't let him know your'e going to do it. Like the letter you wrote. You should have just put the gun to your own head. This behavior is not healthy for you or your kids, Get out soon before it gets worse.
2007-09-21 23:38:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋